PO Box 55045, Phoenix AZ 85078-5045
Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
COPYRIGHTED 1999 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED
FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN LIBERATED CHRISTIANS, MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND
WE ARE SENT A COPY OF PUBLICATION.
GETTING IN TOUCH WITH INTIMACY
& Meaningful Sexuality in a Sexually Immature Culture
The Touch Barrier
We are born with an intense skin hunger. Babies have a huge need for touch and if
not available can interfere with their emotional development. As adults we have
a strong need to hold hands, be held in someone's arms, to hug, receive a nonsexual
massage, have our face or arms stroked, be cuddled, caressed, etc.
Somewhere between babyhood and adulthood we develop touch barriers which can be
harmful to our well-being. Touch is a God given need that we never outgrow. Touch
can be richly enjoyed for its own sake, and not just as a prelude to sex.
Surveys have shown that overwhelmingly most people do not touch as much as they
would like, especially with the opposite sex, even when no other sexual activity
is desired. We often cover up our need for intimacy by activities, sports, TV, work,
church, or by using food, drugs, alcohol, or sex for only selfish physical pleasure.
Touch as Communication of Love
Touch is the most powerful way to communicate empathy, friendship, approval, affirmation
and love to another. Our inner spirits can nurture and share with each other most
powerfully through caring touch.
Touch as Physically Beneficial
Touch messages are transmitted to our brain through a network of over 100 billion
neurons. Once the brain receives the touch message, it has powerful effects, stimulating
the production of chemicals that provide physical good feelings, as well as good
emotions by combining with certain hormones and enzymes in the blood.
"CBS This Morning" (1/19/96) did a segment on touch therapy and its benefits
to people: Brain wave activity is increased resulting in increased alertness. The
amount of insulin needed in diabetics is reduced. Hormone levels increase. Weight
is gained faster in premature babies. Sleep patterns are enhanced.
Research at the University of Miami Touch Therapy Institute found that the person
who gives touch via massage also feels better. Stress levels go down and visits
to doctors went down.
Even people touching pets can benefit people. The presence of dogs or cats for people
to hold and pet in hospitals and nursing homes often hastens healing and improves
emotional as well as physical health.
Touch in Church
Touch can be important in developing a sense of community within a friendship group
or church. Sometimes church's are referred to as "God's frozen people"
since any signs of affection may be considered inappropriate for fear of sexuality.
Breaking Your Touch Barriers
With friends or even strangers in a trusted situation, practice breaking the touch
barrier and together discover that healthy, wholesome touching can put you more
in touch with humanity and yourself.
If you want more touch in your life, you must risk reaching out to touch. Sometimes
you will be rejected, but the joy from the times when you can find another sincere
toucher far outweigh the times of rejection. Be sensitive to the fact that some
types of touch are more appropriate than others for new relationships or strangers.
A touch to the arm can be a non threatening way to get a feel of the others comfort
Hugs - Example of Wholesome Touch
Hugs are easy, portable, saves heat, provides stretching exercise if you are short,
requires no special equipment, does not upset the environment, yet makes happy days
happier, makes impossible days possible, a cure for depression and loneliness and
eases tension. All that is required is two participating humans.
Cuddling - My Favorite Sport
Cuddling, nude or dressed, with tender stroking of face, hands, whole body is my
favorite form of sincere, loving intimacy. It does not have to be just a prelude
to sex. It can lead to beautiful full body sexuality only if mutually desired with
proper precautions for health and the emotional wellbeing of both people. I also
refer to it as Caress Therapy that every fully alive human needs!
Sensuality, Sexuality and Lust
Touch is a form of sensuality, the wholesome enjoyment of the body senses God gave
us for our emotional and physical well being and pleasure.
Sexuality is Gods gift of even greater pleasure through sex. Sex should be pleasure
sharing at its best but also with concerns for health issues, protection from unwanted
children etc. Many sexual techniques can be learned which, especially for women,
are often more physically pleasurable than just intercourse.
Lust is the selfish gratification of a person's sex drive for their own physical
pleasure. Lust is very different from mutual pleasure sharing in sexuality or non
sexual sensuality through touch.
Love Can Be Sincerely Shared For The Moment
Love does not have to mean a long term commitment but rather sincere love for the
uniquely wonderful human spirit you can share with at this moment in time. Love
is like peanut butter ... it needs to be spread around in a sincere caring way.
More people in the world are starving for love and affection than for food.
We without hesitation hold a baby, stroke a cat, but often avoid touching another
person. Love needs physical expression, yet we fear it so we sit in loneliness and
physical isolation, too uptight to share in the beauty of physical communication.
I Know You-You're Just Like Me
We all want the same love, intimacy, close body contact, feeling of nurturing and
warmth of another, especially of the opposite sex, since that's how we were wonderfully
created. Yet we often won't admit it or need to overcome past bad experiences or
programming from out parents, Church or society.
How to Get In Touch
Reach out to others you can trust to discuss your feelings and fears, explore, learn
and experience the wholesomeness of nurturing touch to discover that people who
need people are the happiest people.
Therapeutic non sexual Esalen Massage. Using therapeutic
techniques of Swedish massage, Esalen massage is a unique style that also reflects
an attitude of touching, caring, energy awareness and emotional, spiritual healing
in addition to releasing muscle tension and other physical benefits.
Erotic massage techniques can also be wonderful for those that are comfortable with
more pleasure sharing. Sensate focusing techniques can also be pleasurable without
having to take off clothing yet can explore pleasurable touch.
Watsu Water Shiatsu Massage. Cradled and rocked in warm hot springs water relaxed
by shiatsu massage and supported by water and another person. Can be also enjoyed
using Tantsu massage on land.
Caress Therapy where cuddle and caress without having it to lead to sex. Massage
Groups such as the Stroking Communities or Stan
Dale/Human Awareness Institute Sexuality Workshops where you discover there
is so much more to sex than just sex. Or Tantra which integrates positive woman-pleasure-centered
sexuality with ones spirit.
"Reaching Intimacy" by Jerry De Haan (unfortunately
now out of print)
Of course you can not fully experience love and sensuality from a book, but for
those too scared of the real thing...this book is a story of love. A male sex surrogate's
perspective who works from his home with his wife under the direction of a psychologist.
I have had the opportunity to meet the author and share more of his experiences.
The techniques can be enjoyable for all, not just those seeking the professional
Jerry De Haan, a sex surrogate explores the special problems of sexual intimacy
that women experience. Married or single, sexually active or virgins, women are
referred to Jerry because they are sexually unfulfilled and seek a positive way
to have a more enriching life. Jerry takes women on a journey of self-discovery.
They learn about their bodies, and the male body, some of them for the first time.
They shed ingrained embarrassment and concealment of their physical selves, and
come instead to find pride and comfort in their natural sensuality. Jerry teaches
a woman to concentrate not on how her partner reacts to her touch, but on her own
sensual reaction to what she is doing to her partner and to what her partner is
doing to her. Jerry was also the source of much of the studies that led to the medical
community accepting the presence of the "G-Spot" in women.
American's Immature Sex Ideas
Our immature sexual attitudes, are due to repressive religious attitudes and societal
teaching to be ashamed of our bodies and sexuality. Sex is so dirty it has to be
saved for marriage, and then we are suppose to be instant experts! Sincere sexuality
is not "given" away so it doesn't need to be "saved", any more
than reading a book gives knowledge away. When lovingly shared, both parties are
enhanced. Intimacy skills are learned not completely natural. Many loving people
share sexuality SELECTIVELY with others. This is far different than sleeping with
anyone. You need to be selective and seek sincere loving people to share with. Some
enjoy growing intimately not exclusively with one person, or having to lead to marriage,
but a sincere loving open, honest friendship. Some emotionally can handle only an
exclusive relationship. Jealousy is the opposite of love, since it wants for self,
rather than what is best for the other.
Europeans don't see why they can't be topless on beaches. We treat women's breasts
as sex objects rather than just a part of the body. With sexual experience comes
respect rather than desperation due to starvation, just like if we were deprived
of food. Nude or topless dancing encourages immature men to ogle over a woman's
body as a sex object. Titillation is the opposite of intimacy.
More To Sex Than Just Sex
Sexual fulfillment is much more than sticking a penis in a vagina and wiggling or
pumping. Women know that this is often not the most satisfying sex. The goal of
sex should be maximum pleasure sharing both physically as well as the beautiful
feeling of loving and caring for the inner spirit of each other. Mature pleasure
sharers realize this can be done without emotional dependence as long as both partners
trust each other and care for the others' emotions as well as pleasure. Sex should
be "safe" without fear of disease. AIDS is more of an excuse than a real
issue since heterosexual males are acting as a block to its spread. Separate report
available with facts not scare tactics.
More Equal Sex is Better Sex
There's been a phenomenal change in women's sexuality. Women are saying "I'm
an equal partner in bed. I expect pleasure too." A lot of men like the "new"
more aggressive women, and being on the receiving end at times and are learning
how to please a woman and enjoy foreplay and afterplay. Studies show those that
are able to communicate about sex are the ones with the best sex lives. We all need
more oral sex - opening our mouths and discussing feelings, emotions, experiences
what we enjoy the most or what we want to try.
Sex Is Good For You- Especially Women
Sex not only feels good, it's good for you. At least, if You're a woman, says leading
sexologist. A session of passionate love once a weeks keeps a woman's reproductive
system in tip-top condition, explains Dr. Winnifred Cutler, director of the Athena
Institute for Women's Wellness Research in Pennsylvania. In a study of 700 women,
those who had sex at least once a week were found to have twice the levels of estrogen
as those who had sex less than once a week. And women approaching menopause who
still enjoyed sex weekly experienced fewer hot flashes than those who had sex less
Return To Section Contents Page
Back To Home Page
Copyright © 1997, Liberated Christians, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.