PO Box 55045, Phoenix Az 85078-5045
Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
COPYRIGHTED 1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN LIBERATED CHRISTIANS, MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND WE ARE SENT A COPY OF PUBLICATION.
Summer 1997 Newsletter
Released August 7, 1997
COPYRIGHT 1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN, LIBERATED CHRISTIANS MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND WE ARE SENT A COPY OF PUBLICATION.
NOTE: In order for all hyperlinks to work from index below, you have to wait until the ENTIRE newsletter loads. Otherwise if you jump to a link, you interrupt the transfer and when you return, links below what was loaded will not work. Or you can RELOAD if that happens. Sorry its so long! But at least mostly text not graphics to slow loading.
In This Issue....... August 7, 1997
(Page numbers are only for hardcopy snailmail edition)
Summary of Latest News........................1
New Fellowship Groups...........................1
Bill Joins Delaware Valley Synergy.......2
Southern California Liberated Christians......3
Lifestyles Convention 97 Big Report...3
Love, Sex and Jesus...................................5
The Road Of Life.......................................7
Teen Sex Is Not A Catastrophe...............8
"Family Values" & Sexual Health........10
Push to Abstain Doesn't Lower Teen Sex.....16
British Sex Education Debate.................16
The Truth About Bible Translations......16
San Francisco May License "Sex Clubs"..17
Monogamy Does Not Equal Committment..18
European Liaisons vs American Cheating....18
Oral Sex A Crime Unless Foreplay in Singapore.18
Your Letters & E-mail..............................19
One of Life's Treasures...............................21
15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Bride......21
A Guide to Great Oral Sex.........................21
Padded Condoms-If Gals Designed Condoms.25
Book Review: Recreational Sex, Patti Thomas..26
Liberated Christians Around the World-Ads..26
Report At End: STD's & AIDS
Update From Lifestyles 97 Convention Speaker
Our E-mail addresses:
Dave : email@example.com
Bill Paris: firstname.lastname@example.org
Summary of Latest News
Our new Liberated Christians Resource Center (www.libchrist.com) has been very successful. This took a great deal of work to get up but has consistently had 100-200 different visitors a day since opening and peaked at 400-500/day when first announced. The "Introduce Yourself" section is active and the Guest Book is filled with very positive comments about the site. Peri, who has substantial counseling experience, hosts an interactive "Ask Peri" section dealing with "Women's Concerns," whether of a spiritual, psychological, emotional, practical or physical nature. Eric (Peri's husband) is going to do the same on a Men's Concerns section. What is interesting is the large number of people that stay 1 or 2 hours looking at the various pages. We are tracking which sections generate the most interest. Many other sites have now linked to us and we are one of the more active sites on both the "swing circle" and the "poly circle" links. The result is also a great deal of E-mail to answer, helping people with questions or concerns.
Lots of good things have happened on the East Coast and it appears that the Southern California Fellowship Group will be very successful as a Christian polyamory fellowship group. We will share more details later in this newsletter.
In the Phoenix Group, we had a very good Sex, Love and Intimacy workshop intro at Dave's in March, as well as a later massage group that filled the home of Georg. Many thanks to Georg and Janet for all their work that resulted in a great evening of massage.
The Communications & intimacy meeting hosted by Ray and Carol, with leadership of Peri/Eric, was so effective I have used some of the ideas in my convention presentations and on our web site. In a packed living room we had 4 hours of very meaningful discussion and interaction.
The Phoenix group is now on break for the hot Phoenix summer. A Steering Committee just met and we have new host couples and lots of ideas for expanded activities. Our first Fall introductory meetings will be on the third and fourth Sunday in September. We are going to try and run more intros with only about 20 new people at a time, instead of larger intros which we have had in the past.
Dave met lots of wonderful people at the Florida Reflections and Visions conventions where he spoke. One experience I (Dave) especially enjoyed was at the Reflections Convention. They had the usual "orgy" room where lots of sucking, groping, and fucking was going. But Nancy and I hosted more of a "soft orgy room". I've used Nancy, founder of Anakosha and for many years Sensitivity Seminar teacher, as an example of a swing club owner interested in more intimacy. Yes, great sex occurred, but we also enjoyed the much more intimate aspects of sensuality/sexuality.
At the Visions convention one of our great Phoenix host couples also did a presentation on the joy of older couples in swinging. A review of the convention said it well: "Speaking of energy? How about John & Carmen from Phoenix, AZ? WOW! Both in their seventies, they have more energy than most in their forties! If you didn't get a chance to meet them, I'm sure you at least saw them (they did some great entertainment with their sexy dancing at the ball). When I look at John and Carmen I get renewed belief in the laws of Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness...forever."
NEW FELLOWSHIP GROUPS
As announced in our last newsletter, we had hoped to start a fellowship group on the east coast, focusing on the Tri-State area of Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York.
Bill discussed this idea through the Spring with several folks who had been supporters of Liberated Christians for some time. After the announcement about the group in the January issue of the newsletter, several other couples responded indicating their interest in such a group.
After a period of specific planning and anticipation by a number of potential members, it became apparent that the essential local area leadership to make the group viable was not materializing.
Plans for this group have thus been put on indefinite hold.
Bill continues to maintain a file of persons interested in starting new groups in many parts of the country, including the target area for the east coast effort.
A group may be possible in that area eventually or in other areas as enough people appear in those areas to make efforts at forming groups worthwhile.
Bill has turned his attention to the formation of a group in Southern California, the third meeting of which will take place on August 9. (See separate report on this group elsewhere in this issue.)
What is critical for the formation of these groups is the ability and willingness of local people to help organize and lead them. Bill and Dave are always willing to help such groups with ideas, materials and encouragement. Bill may be available in the future to help launch such groups, as he had planned to do on the east coast, but obviously cannot be present on an ongoing basis to provide leadership. This has been possible with the Southern California group because of its proximity to Phoenix. Even there, however, it is hoped that other leadership will emerge in partnership with Bill or eventually as his replacement.
We encourage those interested in groups in their areas to continue to contact us. We can't offer immediate hope, but it may be possible to at least help people in the same area to network with one another.
To indicate your interest in a group or to discuss the group idea, please contact Bill by e-mail at: email@example.com or write: Liberated Christians, P.O. Box 55045, Phoenix, AZ 85078-5045.
BILL JOINS DELAWARE VALLEY SYNERGY
In June Bill travelled to Philadelphia and the Camden, New Jersey, area to become a member of Delaware Valley Synergy, probably the largest social and support organization for polyamorous people in the United States.
Delaware Valley Synergy was formed in 1975 and has now grown to nearly 300 members. Its inquirers' pamphlet describes Synergy as "a group of friends and acquaintances who believe in and/or practice open, nonexclusive relationships. We find the traditional roles of men and women in marriage, dating, and relationships too limiting to our personal growth."
It continues: "Delaware Valley Synergy (DVS) is an organization concerned with the application of humanistic values to relationships. It helps members become aware of the possibilities life holds for each of us.
DVS continues to offer a supportive and encouraging environment for experiential approaches to relationships. DVS can be described as an intimate friendship network, defined as a group of individuals, not necessarily living together, with a common bond of caring, sharing and a commitment to humanistic values. It may or may not include sexual intimacy."
While Synergy is a non-religious organization, Bill has no conflict with the "humanistic values" it supports, which include respect, honesty, trust, and acceptance.
Synergy conducts rap groups for singles and couples, workshops on important lifestyle topics and sponsors a variety of social events, including permissive parties where sexual activity is accepted but is respectfully and safely managed.
Bill has had friends in this organization for some time and last April was asked to give a talk on a Christian approach to polyamory for a Synergy discussion group. About 25 people attended this gathering and Bill was greatly impressed by the welcome he received and the intelligent and perceptive feedback that was generated during the discussion.
At that time there were plans being made to create a Liberated Christians fellowship group in the same area. However, those plans were put on hold a few weeks later. (See separate report on Fellowship Groups elsewhere in this issue.)
Bill returned home from the April Synergy experience with a real longing to be a part of such an active, with it group of people.
Bill gives several reasons for his decision to join Synergy. He wanted to be part of a poly group that had an active and varied program. He wanted to be part of a group that he didn't have to lead, in which he could be just one of the gang and have fun. He wanted to take ideas from such a successful group that could be used in Liberated Christians groups in Phoenix and in groups that might be started elsewhere.
Because of his unique geographical situation, some discussion took place to determine if Bill would be able to meet the membership requirements.
Thanks to efforts by Bergen (Membership Vice President), Katie (Steering Committee Member at Large) and Synergy member David (a special friend), this was worked out.
Through interacting with some of the leadership of Synergy and observing the way in which this group functions, it is obvious that much of the group's success is due to a dynamic, forward- looking leadership.
Bill also attended his first function as a member, which was a permissive party at Katie and Dick's home in the Camden area where he made a number of new friends. His other comment on this event: WOW.
Even before the demise of the Eastern Group, Bill had referred several of our contacts in the area to Synergy. One couple joined several months ago and another joined the same evening that Bill attended his orientation in June.
Liberated Christians enthusiastically recommends this group to folks living in the Tri-State area of New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey as well as to those in Delaware, Maryland and the Washington, DC, areas.
LIBERATED CHRISTIANS IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA:
A Report by Bill Paris
On Saturday, July 5, a group of enthusiastic people met for a great evening of food, fun and fellowship at the home of John and Nancy in Oceanside. We have been referring to this group as the "Los Angeles area group," but since it has so far drawn people from as far east as Highland and as far south as Oceanside, perhaps it should be referred to as the "Southern California group."
While the immediate L.A. area people will not acknowledge Oceanside as legitimately in the "L.A. area," they were quite happy to take John and Nancy up on their offer of hospitality at the first meeting on June 1 when they described what their home had to offer.
We gratefully acknowledge John and Nancy's hospitality and found that their house, patio and especially their hot tub contributed greatly to the success of the evening.
We shared good food, a biblical discussion about love, a lot of personal thoughts about why we are seeking this kind of fellowship and a very crowded and very hot hot tub. Since I had carelessly acquired a sunburn at the beach earlier in the day, I exited the tub early and made a little more room for those who could stand the heat.
For me personally, the special part of the evening came in the personal sharing time that came after the biblical presentation which highlighted the teachings on love from the little Epistle of 1 John. During this sharing time, one of the women said: "I feel like I'm in church, but this is what church ought to be like." I believe she was referring not only to what I shared, but to the warmth of fellowship and loving that was obviously developing in the group, even though it was only our second meeting.
Others, too, shared that this kind of fellowship among those of like mind in sexual and relationship matters was very important to them.
In the future we will be discussing many issues of spirituality and matters applying to polyamorous relationships. We hope the group will become a "family" of like-minded folks who will truly come to love and care for one another even as they grow in their knowledge and commitments regarding sexuality, spirituality and creative relationships.
The next meeting of this group will be on Saturday, August 9, in Long Beach. We welcome other interested couples and single women and ask that you contact me, Bill Paris, at my e-mail address (firstname.lastname@example.org), or by writing: Liberated Christians, P.O. Box 55045, Phoenix, AZ 85078-5045. Single men may also inquire, but we have not yet developed a policy regarding their admission to the group.
"Why don't southern baptists make love standing up?
Because people might think they were dancing."
LIFESTYLES 97 Report
Massage Evening Shut Down by ABC Pressure
Erotic Art Show Required Federal Restraining Order
I just returned from Lifestyles 97. The convention was outstanding as usual and I will report on some of the great presentations elsewhere. My presentation "Swing without Guilt or Jealousy" was used in the Palm Springs paper for its sensationalism as it reported daily first about the legal problems with the Erotic Art Show and one day with the headline "Sex Convention attracts 3000 - Event expected to bring $1.6 million to Palm Springs area". I was very pleasantly surprised my presentation had almost a full room, even though I was on at the same time as Nina Hartley, the porn star's "Recipes For A Successful Orgy," as well as a panel on Female Ejaculation and three other good topics all at the same time. I guess lots of people also wanted to hear about guilt and jealousy! Most of the presentations are also available immediately after they are given by audio tape. I got tapes of many of the sessions I couldn't attend (can't be in five places in eight different time slots at the same time). The tape person told me my presentation was one of the most frequently requested. This seems to show how much interest there is in the issue of guilt and jealousy even at swing conventions. I will share the text of my presentation in a later newsletter. The tape of Dave's presentation (not including some great audience discussion at the end), is available for about $10 from On-Site taping Services at 818-991-8084.
"Pursuit of Happiness" TV Documentary
I did a taping for a television documentary about the Lifestyle. The title will be "Pursuit of Happiness" which is a quote from the Preamble of the U.S. Constitution. It is being directed by David Schisgall, a former producer for ABC's Turning Point. David was excellent working with my having little experience being on television. The documentary will be very positive about the lifestyle and has the endorsement of Robert McGinley and the Lifestyles Organization. This is the first television interview I've done and was surprisingly very comfortable with it and pleased with the results. Carmen and John, a "wild, zany, sexy and horny" couple in their 70's from our Phoenix group were also in the production along with many others from the Lifestyle. Carmen even got news coverage on Palm Springs Television ...but that wasn't John she had her arm around in the interview! Carmen and John also had a great turnout to their presentation "Keeping the Gusto in Your Sex Life!
The Right Wing Bullies at the California ABC
The California ABC (Alcohol and Beverage Commission) is running wild trying to force conservative agendas and was recently featured in the Wall Street Journal for its acts. They received funding for 200 new enforcement officers. They have been noted for targeting gay and Latino bars in California and unfairly selectively enforcing certain rules on these groups.
Obviously there is no underaged drinking at a Lifestyles convention, since no minors are allowed to attend in the first place. HOWEVER, the ABC rules have to be followed in any establishment that holds a liquor license, even for events where no alcohol is served (such as Erotic Art Show)
Restraining Order Needed To Hold Erotic Art Show
Lifestyles had to get a restraining order in Federal Court against the State ABC, which had threatened to yank the liquor license of the Palm Springs Convention Center if it allowed the display of erotic art.
The Desert Sun, the main Palm Springs daily newspaper, did a feature article on its invitation to three local artists to review the exhibit. In an article, "Desert Sun panel rates erotic art 'A' not 'XXX,' it quotes the favorable comments of the art critics who were surprised at the good quality and diversity of the exhibit and rated it very high.
Evening Of Caressive Intimacy Cancelled
The day of this popular massage evening, the Wyndham Hotel Management cancelled Lifestyles contract for the ball room where the event was to be held. They didn't want to risk their liquor license. The Palm Springs Convention Center, under different management and with at least the Federal Court restraining order against the ABC related to the Erotic Art Show, did allow the dances and balls in their ballrooms.
ABC Regs Allegedly Enforced Selectively
The problem with the ABC regulations is that they are based on a hodgepoge of many laws, sometimes conflicting that go back to the end of prohibition days. The rules are extremely restrictive and broad. They clearly is no nudity allowed in any establishment that has a liquor license and other provision that would be simply silly if really enforced. The problem is SELECTIVE enforcement of these old prohibition day rules against groups that don't fit the ultra conservative right agenda of those that are providing funding and influence. The law itself needs a total rewrite but this has not been a major issue for the California legislators when "common sense" prevailed in enforcement. Nudity for example, is clearly not illegal. No minors are allowed and there is no drinking allowed in the great massage workshop for couples only.
Lifestyles has its own security team that guards the doors of all events to be sure no one gets in without proper convention tags. I recall seeing the fast reaction in San Diego two years ago, when a couple of teenage boys tried to get into the Exhibit Hall. When they pushed passed door guards, a radio call went out and many security people came running and dragged them out before they even got to see any exhibitor. I heard they were turned over to the San Diego Police and charged with trespassing. That is how seriously Lifestyles takes security and keeping out anyone not registered properly.
California ABC will be undergoing legislative audit
Some California Legislatures feel the ABC has gone too far and voted for an audit. The California Legislative subcommittee overseeing the ABC voted something like 11-2 to require the ABC to submit to an audit of its activities. Based on the Lifestyles' attorney's discussion I attended, it appears there now is broad-based support from both Democrats and Republicans to seriously look at whom the ABC is targeting and why. But this will take some time.
A Few People Can Spoil the Event For 3000
Sadly, one of the problems with the convention is that you may have just one or two people that to break the convention rules and endanger the entire convention. Very clear in the convention material is the absolute rule about any sex in any public area of the hotels or convention center. That is illegal and people should know better.
Last year the ABC did suspend the liquor license of the Town & Country Hotel in San Diego for five days after two ABC officers allegedly saw several couples engaging in oral sex in the convention hall part of the hotel. Lifestyles President Robert McGinley said those allegations were not made until a month after the convention and he considers the statements slanderous. Unlike in a criminal matter, no proof is needed, just the statements by the ABC officers. In my view it is very possible some idiots would do such a thing. But they should be arrested and charged with a crime, not have the hotel's liquor license suspended when it had nothing to do with alcohol. As Robert McGinley has said, if sex does take place in public areas, he would be the last person to try and bail them out or help them. They should be arrested, but as a police matter, not with ABC action.
Where Will The Lifestyle Convention Go?
Many people think the convention should be moved out of California to avoid the ABC harassment. But Robert McGinley, head of TLO, seems to want to stay and fight. The convention was held in Las Vegas for awhile, but we didn't gamble or drink enough to make the hotel/casinos much money! Las Vegas is also now trying to promote "family values". With all the emphasis on children's values and family values, when can "adult values" also get equal treatment?!
The convention is also limited to cities with large convention centers with at least 1000 hotel rooms within the immediate area. That eliminates many options. Visions, a much smaller convention in Florida, was held in a hotel on Florida Indian Land just outside Tampa. We had the Indian Police protecting us with no problems. But there just aren't enough hotels large enough for a convention that draws about 3000 people annually. Phoenix is building some new large convention hotels, and the convention center is large enough! How about it, Phoenix? Are we ready for Lifestyles?
LOVE, SEX AND JESUS
by Bill Paris
People from an amazing variety of backgrounds and spiritual perspectives respond to Liberated Christians. Three types of reactions stand out in my mind.
One is from Christians who are overjoyed to read of our ideas which promote responsible sexual liberty and expanded relationships. They have been thinking about these things for years, often never had the courage to explore them practically and didn't know that there were other Christians who are integrating such ideas and experiences into their spiritual lives.
Another response is from the folk who cannot accept any view that does not conform to the conventional wisdom of traditional Christianity, a wisdom which represses virtually all thinking and expressing of our sexuality. To them we are heretics at best and infidels at worst who are leading people astray.
A third group consists of those who do not consider themselves Christians at all, but who applaud us for speaking out on these issues. Frequently, these people have a hard time believing that Christians can actually believe and practice what we do.
One person in this last group is a publisher of a newsletter on nudism and sexuality who is extremely anti-Christian, but who very much likes many of our ideas about sexuality and relationships. As a matter of fact, we like many of his ideas in the same realm. Actually, it was an article he wrote many years ago in a nudist publication that first opened my mind to the idea of multiple intimate relationships. Yet, his understanding of Christianity is so narrow and traditional that, for him, Christianity BY DEFINITION MUST BE ANTI-SEXUAL. Because of this he is so unable to comprehend our integration of faith and sex-positive views, that he has even suggested that we are not Christian at all! To him Christians CANNOT be free in their sexuality; so it follows in his logic that anyone who is sex-positive cannot be Christian.
Well, I hate to disappoint hi but Christians can indeed be free in their sexuality and in exploring expanded relationships.
How is such freedom possible?
There are various facets to this issue and many articles have appeared in our newsletters over the years dealing with various biblical and theological ideas relating to this subject. In them we have pointed out the misunderstanding of sexuality and intimate relationships by traditional Christianity and have suggested correctives to these views. Among other subjects, we have dealt with the incorrect interpretation or translation of Scripture regarding adultery, pre-marital sex, monogamy and marriage.
It is not these on which I wish to focus in this article, however. What I want to do is to show that true, guilt-free sexual and relationship freedom is possible because of LOVE. Well, what kind of love? A romantic kind of love that causes the heart and hormones to soar to incredible heights (and sometimes nose dive to incredible depths of disappointment)? This kind of love is valid and very beautiful, although it can also often be shallow, short-lived and the product of fantasy rather than reality (don't we know it?!).
No, I am speaking here of the kind of the love that can only come from the God whom the Bible says loves the world through Christ. It is this love that releases us from the bondage of our alienation from God (basically what the Bible calls "sin"), also releases us from bondage to moralistic religious or humanistic rules and regulations, restores us to fellowship with God and implants love in our hearts as the only effective means of building healthy relationships.
The little New Testament book of 1 John is rich with its discussion of this kind of love. Here is some of what John says:
"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love, that he (Christ) laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." (1 John 3:14-16)
"Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love." (4:7-8)
" Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." (4:11-12)
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because he first loved us." (4:18-19)
It is also this kind of giving, sacrificing, unselfish love of which the Apostle Paul writes in the famous passage in 1 Corinthians 13. He says that even faith is not as great as love. In fact, if we do not have love, we are "nothing." He says: "love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong; but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor. 13:4-7) He also says that "love never ends."
What a recipe these principles are for success in expanded relationships! How much we need to understand these in order to love others without jealousy, envy or pride.
If the Christian church operated consistently on this model of love in terms of ALL relationships and if it could understand the application of this love to sexual relationships, I believe that the world would be much more truly Christian than it is. There would also be no reason for people in the poly lifestyles to avoid the church because of its constant preaching of guilt and condemnation for their kind of sexual/emotional choices.
Why has Christianity not lived consistently by this model of love? Why has it continually adulterated and compromised this kind of love by appealing to Old Testament regulations that were applicable only to the Hebrews in their pre-Christ situation? Why has the church created the mass of "Christian" rules that have no basis in Scripture and yet have become the traditions by which Christians define moral behavior?
Christianity has most often subscribed to the "Yes, but" view of love. The view goes something like this: "Well, yes, Jesus certainly taught us that love is the greatest thing, but how do we know what love is unless we have a list of loving acts?" There is just enough truth in this argument to deceive us.
As a practical matter, it is fine to define and describe some attitudes and behavior that are loving--or unloving. The apostle Paul does just that in 1 Cor. 13 ("Love is kind..., is not boastful..., bears all things," etc.). And he could have added many more items to this list. But these, along with the many other exhortations towards loving behavior and attitudes in the New Testament, are only EXAMPLES to help us get the idea of how loving people live. Paul's intention is not to give us a list of rules, but to help us see what love is in practical terms and to encourage us to be dependent on God to work out love in similar ways in our lives. Yet, how quickly we turn such examples into rules which we then use to judge ourselves and others!
Recently I shared some of these words from I John and the principles they support with the folks in the new Liberated Christians fellowship group in California. During the discussion time that followed, one of the women, who, like many others in the group, had pretty much left traditional, moralistic Christianity far behind, said: "I feel like I'm in church, but this is the way church ought to be." I believe she was referring not only to what I had shared, but to the warmth of fellowship and loving that is evident in that group, even though it has only met twice.
All of us, whether we acknowledge it or not, need spiritual foundations in our lives. It is often remarked that the overwhelming intensity of our sexual experiences has a spiritual quality to it. I believe that is true. If it is, then here is the clearest justification for connecting or reconnecting our sexuality with our spirituality, something that has been denied to many of us by traditional Christian teaching. But the focus in this effort should be to renew or restore our connection with the God who offers the love which makes good relationships possible.
If we do not have this foundation, what we may teach or learn about sexuality or poly ideas will have very limited value in our lives. But with this foundation I believe we can do far more in these important areas, creating lasting loving relationships that possess a spiritual quality that will be the envy of others, even those whose traditional religious beliefs do not allow for such relationships.
Returning to the thoughts at the beginning of this article, to the Christians who feel they have found some sort of treasure in finding the ideas of Liberated Christians, I would say: exercise the faith God has given you to find your way in the challenges of reconnecting your sexuality and your spirituality. It will be a struggle, but don't give it up. There are many like you. We wish we could connect everyone with others of like mind in your areas. That is not always possible, but the unlimited resources of the Internet are at your disposal and through those you can find friends and soulmates to accompany you on your journey. Dave and I are always available to listen and share what we know and refer you to others with wisdom and ideas.
To those Christian brothers and sisters who cannot accept our ideas and feel that we have strayed from the "narrow path," I would say: If you are truly happy in your restrictive views of love, sexuality and relationships, pursue them for all you're worth. But frankly, I doubt that you are happy. The vindictive opposition of some of you to our ideas reveals very unloving attitudes which are hardly Christian in their origin and betrays the fact that you, too, have in fact toyed with "forbidden" desires and ideas, but your allegiance to a moralistic Christianity has thus far prevented you from owning these desires, confronting them honestly and coming to spiritual terms with them. Beware of living the rest of your lives with your true sexual natures hidden in the darkness.
To those who are not Christians, but who find in Liberated Christians a refreshing approach to sexuality and relationships, an approach you have never detected in institutional Christianity, I would say: Institutional Christianity has strayed far from the true faith of Christ, the faith of the earliest church, in many ways. In that straying it has severely compromised the freedom that Christ came to bring those who believe in him. Look not to the church but to the Christ of the Scriptures and find in him the restoration to fellowship with God, a fellowship which can liberate you in your sexuality and relationships.
Bill's Articles In Our Special Christian Poly Issue
Brought Positive Press Even from Sex Magazines!
Climax Times said:
"The current issue of America's Horniest People presents the first installment of an important article by Bill Paris of Liberated Christians which takes an insightful look at the apparent contradictions between the enjoyment and acknowledgement of our God-given sexuality and the negative church positions on many areas such as sexuality and sexual relations. It's a must read article where Paris, with scholarship, insight and humor, presents the facts which should alleviate any guilt feelings anyone may have about their sexuality. It should be read by all Christians and non-Christians alike." Note: Both these publications frequently reprint our articles with our permission.
THE ROAD OF LIFE
Author unknown (thanks to Peri for passing it on)
At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.
But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable...It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, and it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust.
I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine. And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people I met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but He knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.
And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says..."Pedal."
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when you transport something by ship its cargo?
TWO SIGNIFICANT ARTICLES FOLLOW ON HEALTHY SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT FOR CHILDREN, HOW IT IS THREATENED BY RELIGIOUS AND POLITICAL BIAS AND WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
We strongly recommend that our readers consider the serious points made by the following authors in terms of raising sexually healthy children and what the practical danger is to children's health by the tradition of religious repression of sexuality and the modern political threat being mounted by the Religious Right. For a specifically Christian approach to these issues, we recommend Bill Paris special report, The Cult of Childhood and the Repression of Childhood Sexuality. This report is available in print from Liberated Christians and is on our web site.
In a later newsletter we would like to follow up on these articles with responses from our readers. Thus, we encourage readers to interact with us and with Randal Blackburn regarding the issues in his article. You may reach us at our snail and e-mail addresses on the masthead of this newsletter and Randal at: Blckburn@gte.net We would appreciate copies of your notes to Randal.
TEEN SEX IS NOT A CATASTROPHE
BUT A GLOBAL FAMILY PROBLEM
by Doug Couch
I appreciate Victoria Weinstein's article in November/December (1995) "World" magazine, "Not for God's Sake: Secularizing Teen Abstinence," where she voiced much clear thinking about the Southern Baptist Convention's "True Love Waits" campaign. I would like to carry the banner a few steps further. It is very often the case that teenagers like sexual foreplay and intercourse. Oddly enough, they are rarely prepared mentally, emotionally or financially for the wonderful blessings that arise along with their pubescent rejoicing. When so-called lesser species all over the planet are capable of preparing their young for a much more rigorous survival strategy and environment, it becomes at least plausible that something unnatural is intervening or preventing teenagers from arriving at the necessary maturity. It would seem there are a number of things we could do to help our children reach a natural maturity.
The first thing we can do: REALIZE THAT THERE IS A NEED TO FAVOR NATURE'S COURSE OVER OUR TRADITIONS
We speak highly of nature, then denounce what humankind does, as less than that universal standard. We often fail to notice that we are part of nature's rhythm. We could benefit by objectively observing what other species do. It is not that we should necessarily do as the birds or foxes, for we are human; but we should observe their lack of concern about sexual morals or whether anyone is observing their sexual acts. We should notice their trust that tomorrow will feed them and continue their lives and the lives of their offspring. Morals, specifically sexual taboos and guidelines, have been set up to habitualize and even coerce certain sexual patterns: Grow up; then have sex. Be in love; then have sex. Obtain partner commitment; then have sex. Get married; then have sex. Promulgating these notions continues the attempts to adapt natural human sexual behavior to fit the lifestyle patterns that (western) society has chosen to follow. Apparently, we do this out of fear, without regard for the fact that repressing these natural urges is not healthy. When a child is born, we assist its birth. Since children have been observed masturbating before birth (Boys and Sex, 3rd ed., 1991, Wardell Pomeroy, Ph.D., p.32) we should realize sex is an important instinct and prepare our children for healthy, nonrepressed attitudes as they grow into adult sexual beings. When children are ready to see and hear and speak and crawl and walk, we are right there to guide and comfort them. Why then, do we fail so miserably when it comes to support and guidance in sexual matters? Why aren't we as joyful and enthusiastic as when they take their first step? The answer is easy: We have not been taught and we are too repressed, uneducated and frightened. Many of us learned whatever we know about sex through adolescent experimentation or marriage as a first encounter.
The second thing we can do: REALIZE THAT IT'S OKAY TO LET GO OF OUR FEARS ABOUT SEXUAL PROBLEM AREAS; THE ANSWERS CAN BE FOUND.
Society is the collage of patterns of behavior set up and enforced by groups of people that are afraid to trust nature, God or themselves without artificially synthesized taboos, morals, tenets of faith and laws as stage props to guide them. So, what do we fear?
We fear that children will be born to parents who are not mentally, emotionally or financially prepared to care for them. We fear that society will not assist in caring for them.
Careful examination of that fearful approach to teen sex reveals what the real problem is: The almost total lack of "response ability" of adult society to prepare youth for the inevitable progression of their sexual instinct that has been arising as the major component in their lives from before birth! It is ironic that parents try so hard to make sure that their offspring don't "grow up too fast," filling their heads with goofy play, cartoons and ultimately meaningless, smiling facades in lieu of seriously needed guidance. When their children reach puberty and have strong feelings and instinctive behavior, parents wonder why their children can't cope responsibly. Not having learned how to help, they impose synthesized rules, morals, guilt trips and catchy phrases like "True Love Waits," to fill a void in education and understanding, as though that will prevent pregnancies.
The third thing we can do: REALIZE THAT CHILDREN DO KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM TO A POINT. FOLLOW CHILDREN'S LEAD TO DISCOVER WHEN THEY ARE READY TO LEARN. GUIDE AND ENCOURAGE THEIR SEXUAL BEHAVIOR.
The "age of puberty" set by nature was not a mistake. If society enhanced, rather than squashed, natural learning processes, it might become typical for youth to be mentally and emotionally ready when their bodies were ready. If we stopped hindering the natural process and making "coming of age" a mere ritual, perhaps we would no longer need to fret over the problems this creates. If children mature naturally to the age of puberty, perhaps they will face less problems. Although we may not currently know how, it is yet our responsibility to ensure they are fully ready by that age and quit putting it off until they are in their teens or twenties! We might prefer that they not be sexually active at twelve or before; but, experience and statistics show that they often are. If they are, have we done all we can to lead them into understanding and responsibility before then? We cannot change their instinctual growth urges. However, instead of interfering with those urges, we can offer encouragement and guidance. All species have an age of puberty at which they typically become sexually active. During those critical formative years between birth and puberty, if children have been sexually uneducated, unsupported, misunderstood and repressed, problems arise. At that point, it does not matter whether or not parents or society feel they had good, practical reasons for this lack.
The fourth thing we can do: STOP SIMPLY "GOING WITH THE FLOW," AND MAKE A CONCENTRATED EFFORT TO ENSURE THAT TEENS ARE MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND EXPERIENTIALLY READY FOR PUBERTY AS EARLY AS THEY INDICATE IT IS NEEDED.
I wonder if there is a master plan in action when children become fascinated and often involved with sex at a very young age.....at a time when pregnancy among them is not an issue? These youngsters are taking some very good advice: "Take no thought for tomorrow." Adults, on the other hand, out of fear, embarrassment or a misplaced sense of duty, immediately squash youngsters' innocent curiosity and intense pleasure. Can no one remember how embarrassing, confusing and frustrating it was to be stopped from that natural activity? This is a time when parents could be taking advantage of these precious years and children's natural behavior to teach wholesome attitudes such as not being sexually abusive, obsessive or possessive, and being okay with integrating sexual feelings toward either gender. This is a time when children could be learning intellectually, emotionally and experientially how to integrate their sexual feelings into their overall understanding of the world and how they are beginning to fit into society. In short, they could be learning to become sexually responsible instead of sexually repressed and frightened.
The fifth thing we can do: REALIZE THAT SEX IS AT THE CORE OF HUMAN THOUGHT, FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOR. AS SUCH, THE MOST CARING, NATURAL GUIDANCE IS NECESSARY.
(Footnote in Weinstein's original article: This is a very key point. Many species allow sexual exploration during this period. Some even use it to experientially teach sex to their young, presumably as a priority to successfully continue their species (whales are an example).) Because many of our warmest loving feelings were from nurturing and romance, we teach our children that these feelings are more important than sex. Does the wide acceptance of this teaching make it so? Or, does the fact speak louder that pregnancy finds many teens facing painful, frightening circumstances, so devastating that some attempt suicide? Could it be that we do not fully understand what love is and we are passing that incompleteness on to our children? (I will say here that one of the things you could say about love is that it involves trusting the flow and the process, instead of fearfully and "intelligently" planning for a difficult future.) Consider this silly example:
SITUATION ONE: The world has all the romance and nurturing possible without sex for the next 150 years. One hundred fifty years from now, there is no world in which to be romantic and nurturing.
SITUATION TWO: The world has all the sex possible without romance and nurturing for the next 150 years. One hundred fifty years from now, the world is still here; but it is not very happy or caring.
Even though this is a silly example, it does point out the absolute need to understand the priority sex demands of us. Sex must be recognized as equally important to romance and nurturing, in order for the corresponding aspects of human personality to integrate and balance.
The sixth thing we can do: DEVELOP AGREEMENTS BETWEEN THE ADULTS IN THE SEPARATE HOUSEHOLDS OF YOUR EXTENDED FAMILIES ON BOTH SIDES...THAT THEY WILL AID YOU IN GIVING MEANINGFUL SUPPORT TO YOUR CHILDREN'S OFFSPRING AS LONG AS NEEDED...AND OFFER THE SAME.
Many species live communally and, when young females among them become pubescent, it is natural that they also become pregnant; and it is not a "catastrophe." Often, the community of adults, whether parents or not, assist in care of the infants and adolescents; and adults who might harm the young are warded off. Many people today do not live communally and, even though we may not particularly want to share all things and live as one happy family, there are some aspects of communal living that may be healthy to maintain, even in smaller, nuclear units.
Living communally does not require as much expense per person as living in smaller households. Not having to face as overwhelming factors or expense or external power can help provide a less fearful environment for young (teen) couples with children. In that climate, they can continue their learning process as a positive experience instead of a constant struggle complicated by feelings of abandonment. This is not merely an exercise in welfare. It is restructuring families and society into a level of interdependence that prepares for and supports nature-determined pubescent behavior. Then, teen sex, along with its unavoidable consequences, is welcomed instead of feared or punished.
The seventh thing we can do: WORKING WITH YOUR EXTENDED FAMILIES, PROVIDE EARLY TRAINING IN INCOME EARNING ACTIVITIES THAT TEACH A MARKETABLE SKILL AND MONEY MANAGEMENT SKILLS BEFORE PUBERTY.
(Footnote from original: This is so critical to our children's futures; it is difficult to believe that we are leaving it to public schools and, basically, washing our hands.) Not that many years ago, the majority of families in the United States owned their own home along with its furnishings, owned their own transportation, and owned their own business along with its assets. Families traditionally trained their children to do the family business. Children were at least afforded the opportunity to become accustomed to the regular responsibility of work and the opportunity to learn a trade before adulthood. Now, there is an emphasis on going to school and then college. People are casual about letting the bank own most things through purchase contracts and leasing. So, we find people at 25 or 30 years of age, degrees in hand, in debt and living beyond their means. They are too often still not able to generate adequate income to support their children or the lifestyle they have adopted. Unfortunately, most people assume they "should" be emotionally stable and able to take care of family and finances when the going gets tough.
The MAIN thing we can do: AS ADULTS, FIND OUT WHO AND WHAT WE ARE. IF FOLLOWED, THE UNDERSTANDING PROVIDED WILL RESOLVE THE PROBLEMS OF PUBERTY. THEN, TEACH CHILDREN TO FIND THAT UNDERSTANDING.
Granted, this cannot be learned and passed on to our children overnight. But we can set the goal to live by ideals through which we can be responsible for our children's guidance. We can help our youth learn to responsibly cope with sexuality by providing nature-defined support that brings understanding, integration and maturity. How long? As long as it takes...forever sounds good. They can pass that on to their children. If they can't, it's because we didn't. "Response ability" for our children is built in, if we can only pause and notice. As we take time to know who and what we are, we can guide our children to discover themselves and know that "understanding" will guide them. As they develop the wisdom of awareness, they will need parental guidance less and less. What would happen if a child's parents enhanced everything their spirituality brought to consciousness? Would a child who learned to fully express within an extended family become responsible, productive and capable? Natural guidance by parents results in natural expression as sexuality that correlates directly to spirituality. Whereas, trading natural sexual behavior for traditional rules and taboos hinders spiritual expression. Letting go of our traditions and sexual phobias allows us to realize that teen sex is not a catastrophe, but a global family problem. It concerns all of us, not just teens or parents. The "catastrophe" is the widespread lack of questions being answered by an inner awareness before they become problems. If we become more aware of ourselves, our needs and the needs of our children, and meet those needs, the world will surely be less stressful. Isn't it just possible that a few generations growing up with that inner strength could create a world filled with peace and love?
SUMMARY: THINGS WE CAN DO TO TAKE THE "CATASTROPHE" OUT OF TEEN SEX
1. We, as adults, must realize that favoring nature's course over traditions about teen sex is absolutely needed.
2. Adults must face their fears that children will be born to parents who are not mentally, emotionally or financially prepared to care for them and that society will not care for them. We must notice that our ability to adequately respond to children's sexual needs is at least blunted, if not nonexistent, and determine to fill that void with understanding and action. We must realize that it's okay to let go of our fears about sexual problem areas, because the answers can be found.
3. There must be a relaxing of the notion that children do not know what is best for them. To a point, they do know and they give us critical information about their need to express sexually. They must be guided and encouraged. Not understanding how to help the growth of children's sexuality does not alleviate the responsibility to do so when it's needed. Do not put it off.
4. The guidance children need must be prepared for now. We can no longer flow along with what's happening and expect our ability to guide them when they required it to suddenly appear if we do not possess it now. It is mandatory they become ready for puberty early; puberty will not wait. Don't fail to utilize the years when they and their friends need not worry about pregnancy, as a relaxed time of learning.
5. Realize that sex and those learning processes that support meaningful growth, facilitate responsible sexuality and the ability to care for offspring. As such, they are fundamental and critical to a coherent global learning process that is capable of fearlessly ushering in an era of peace and love to our world. Know that love and peace have not spread across the planet because we continue to believe that love is a set of emotions and that peace is merely the absence of violence.
This article was posted on the internet and is considered a public domain writing by the author, Doug Couch (Light Dancer).
"FAMILY VALUES" DO NOT INCLUDE
GOOD SEXUAL HEALTH
by Randall Blackburn
Is Congress Really Concerned about the Sexual Health of Your Children?
You might be thinking that this title sounds a little odd. You might be thinking that your family's values certainly include the health of your children. If you are thinking that something seems "amiss," that there must be a "catch" ... well, I'm sorry to say that there isn't. I was at first dismayed and then angry after I received the 1997 summer newsletter from SIECUS (the Sexuality Information Education Council of the United States), the organization responsible for the improvements in sexuality education curricula in our schools today.
What made me so angry was an article in which they described part of a new law that Congress has already passed. It is not only extremely offensive, but is actually harmful to children. Hard to believe, isn't it? Don't take my word for it - the following is a short excerpt from the SIECUS newsletter:
The 1996 welfare reform law received a great deal of press, but almost none of it mentioned a new program to fund highly restrictive abstinence-only education programs."
"This new federal initiative will provide nearly $88 million a year for the next five years for programs that focus EXCLUSIVELY on abstinence and that ARE PROHIBITED from teaching young people about pregnancy and STD prevention methods. Programs are REQUIRED BY LAW to teach that 'a mutually faithful monogamous relationship in the context of marriage is the expected standard of human sexual activity', and 'that sexual activity outside of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects'. "
" 'We were dismayed that most Americans did not know about this detrimental new program' said Ruth Mayer, SIECUS Director of Communications."
Can you believe this? Telling children that sexual activity outside of marriage is LIKELY to cause them harm? Is this right? Or, is it a flat-out deception of the truth geared to further an extreme religious agenda?
The Christian Coalition and
The Best Interests of the Children
So, how could a Congress so concerned about families actually do something that would put children in harm's way? I don't understand it, either. So I decided to take a closer look at what was behind this legislation... and I didn't have to look very far. It comes from an organization who claims to embody the moral standard that the rest of us good citizens should strive to emulate.
I'm speaking of the religious extremists working hard to lobby Congress, mostly made up of those calling themselves the "Christian Coalition". This is all part of what the Coalition has dubbed it's "Contract With The American Family"... sound familiar? It is no coincidence that the Republican Party platform for the last couple of years bears an almost identical name. The Christian Coalition would like to think that they ARE the Republican Party.
I've got news for them: This is one Christian who believes that they could not possibly be more wrong. Not just wrong - I question their sense of what is moral. I am not alone. I recently read on the NOW website (the National Organization for Women) that there are now many major religious leaders who have begun to question the use of the word "Christian" in association with the conservative political agenda and, indeed, in association with the Republican Party. I have seen no statistic pointing to the idea that a vast majority of "Christians" are Republicans, nor that the majority necessarily agree with the push towards extreme conservatism and sexual repression.
One point I am trying to make is that the people behind making these laws for the rest of us to follow have the impression that their sense of what is "right & wrong" for America is superior. Therefore, they think that we should all want to adopt their way of life and their way of thinking. I believe that the vast majority of North Americans feel similar to the way that I do, and that our idea of "family values" is what sets the community standards.
An example of what I mean is that I, for one, believe things that are immoral are things like murder, lying, cheating, fraud, stealing, forced or coerced (non-consensual) sexual behavior, assaulting others, bigotry, intolerance of lifestyles other than your own, endangering our environment for profit, and so on. Whether or not two unmarried consenting individuals privately enjoy the loving touch, the pleasurable caressing, or the intense feelings of making love simply does not fit the definition of immorality for most of us. Nor do we worry that teaching children about sex, about preventing unwanted pregnancy, or about preventing sexually transmitted diseases will cause them harm. We do, however, share concern over what withholding that information from children will do to their self-esteem, their health, and indeed, their very lives.
At the heart of the matter is the idea that ANY sexual behavior other than between a man and a woman who have been joined in holy matrimony is abnormal, harmful, and is responsible for the sad state of affairs our country is in today. In reality, it is that very attitude that most of us remember from our own childhood, recalling how the very last people we wanted to talk with about sex was our parents! It is only because most of us have come to realize the flaws and harm in this way of thinking and because we have brought sex and sexuality out into the open that we can talk openly and honestly about sexual issues.
I truly question their claim that they are only trying to "protect" children, or that they only "have the best interest of the children at heart". If this is really true, why would they choose to focus on just this one thing? I would say that gang violence and school safety is a much, much greater concern for most American parents than the issue they are pressing, and yet I have not seen even a tiny bit of legislation coming from the "Christian Coalition" to combat gang violence. Wouldn't that be a much stronger indicator of their concern for children?
If you don't think that sex-education programs and positive attitudes about sex really make a difference, consider this: two countries, as an example, that have extremely positive attitudes about sexuality and very aggressive sex-education programs are the Netherlands (Holland) and Japan. The teen pregnancy rate in the United States is NINE (9) times higher than in Japan or the Netherlands (nine times!).
Being a parent whose child can openly ask me any question, where we can talk about any topic without embarrassment or worry, and where he or she knows there are no secrets in our home, and that nothing is withheld from them, is much more important to me than what my next door neighbors do in their bedroom. I know the "Right" will say "it isn't about what their neighbors do in their bedroom... it is about what children are being taught in school". They say "telling kids to wear condoms or to get on the pill means we are approving of their activity." They just don't get it. Sex is not something new... it is not something abnormal or unnatural... it is simply the way our bodies were designed to work. With incredible complexity we are just now coming to understand, our bodies instinctively "know" what to do, with every single part having a role to play in life and every part working exactly as it should (for the lucky majority of us). The message from Nature is simple: we have always been sexual beings, just as intended, from the day we are born to the day that we die, and there is nothing abnormal, disgusting, sick or sinful about it. Not unless we make it that way.
Because I wanted to be fair about this and to try and understand their point of view, I searched through the articles available on their website and in the books they publish and I began to read what they had to say about adolescent sexual activity. I wanted to hear their arguments and to listen to their reasoning, hoping to understand. What I came to understand is that this is a movement that is not simply trying to get their viewpoint before the public. Rather, they are a small, wealthy, powerful group of people with a very narrow point of view who want more than to just be heard... much more. In fact, to use their own words, coming from their Contract With The American Family, "this is the first word, not the last word".
Who is the Christian Coalition and
What is Their Agenda for Children?
I have also been wondering just who is the Christian Coalition? I mean, who are the members? What are the demographics? If they are, as they claim, speaking for "most" Americans, are their profiles like mine? Like yours? As I looked into this it became quite obvious that this morally superior group of people are primarily made up of upper and middle class, moderate to very wealthy, white males and their wives. I have yet to locate a poverty-stricken couple, or more than a handful of minority or immigrant couples, or many single mothers in their organization. This is an elite group of people operating under the mistaken impression that they are speaking on behalf of the rest of us Americans and simply encouraging Congress to pay attention to their (our) preferred point of view... their (our) family values.
One thing I find interesting is that while they claim to be about "family values", it seems that those values are only about married-couple heterosexual families... not all kinds of families, as in the real world. Single mothers, homosexuals and immigrant or mixed-race families need not apply... they simply do not fit the mold of their so-called "family values". Nor do those who believe in a religion other than Christianity, or in no particular religion at all. While they are claiming moral superiority over the rest of us, they are not at all hesitant to twist statistics, or even the Bible, to fit their viewpoint, or to buy the loyalty of key Congressmen with their campaign dollars, or to deceive the public by burying legislation like they did in the 1996 Welfare Reform Act. It doesn't seem to bother them that their agenda is presented under the guise of "doing what's right," and uses catch-phrases like "family values" to mask their goals in rhetoric that appeals to and uses people's desire for a better society. They don't seem to be bothered that their type of thinking spurs bigotry and intolerance of those different from themselves, or that extremists, like those involved in the militia movement and those drawn to domestic terrorism (the Uni-bomber, Timothy McVeigh, and abortion clinic bombers) are also drawn to their movement.
In reading through their abstinence material, I noticed that there was a definite pattern in what they were teaching. Three ideas seem to come out in nearly every example they gave or story they told: 1). That young ladies MUST RESIST, must suppress all those natural feelings, desires, fantasies and cravings their bodies produce (this, alone, is so contrary to life's intent that it is not worthy of an argument). 2). That young girls have a responsibility, a duty, to their future husbands to save their virginity (or "themselves") for them. You know, I'm not even a woman and I find the concept that their virginity belongs to the man (that it is his right to have) extremely offensive. I cannot begin to imagine how that would make women feel. And 3). that ANY sexual activity outside the narrow context of a male-female marriage IS, repeat IS, psychologically and physically harmful.
One idea they have that surprised me is that were it not for "peer-pressure" and the current sex-education programs in schools, kids would not be interested or tempted to have sex. Yeah, right! I have to wonder if these people were ever adolescents themselves. One book on abstinence programs said that the author was struck by the fact that on the interview tapes he listened to "young teenage girls unselfconsciously recounting their loss of virginity, junior high boys speculating on the relative merits of various birth control techniques". Now, the author thought that this was just terrible, and went on babbling, eventually coming to a conclusion that today's earlier onset of puberty (see documentation), combined with the delay in marriage has "challenged today's young people with an unprecedented number of years in which they are expected to keep their youthful hormones in check." I certainly agree with his last statement, but where we differ is that he proposes ways to increase that expectation, while I claim it is completely unreasonable for us to keep up this pretense. They are very concerned about "peer pressure," but I don't think they are concerned about what the pressure they, themselves, add to the conflicts going on inside their children's heads as they struggle through puberty. I guess the author would have preferred that these young girls be ashamed of losing their virginity and the boys be ignorant about preventing pregnancy.
A large part of the push from the conservative forces is that they seem to have this fantasy idea of exactly what childhood should be like for every child in America (I'm reminded of this each time I hear them telling young girls interested in exploring their own sexuality that they "should be playing with their dolls at this age, not thinking about sexual things." ) They believe that children today should have exactly the same type of childhood they think they remember... while the rest of us look toward the future, choosing to focus on how to make things better for the generations that follow (such as more ease in handling sexual matters). No two generations have ever before had a childhood exactly like their parent's before them. They forget that when they were children, they wanted what was possible in that new era... not what their parents before them experienced.
Sure, the world of today has problems.... drugs, crime, violence, gangs, bigotry, etc. But we are addressing those problems, and though it may not feel like it at times, we are making progress. However, because they don't see "instant" results (considering, say, the last 50 or 60 years compared to mankind's total history), they become obsessed with re-visiting the past and saving the rest of us from eternal damnation. They think that times were so much "better" back then... but I think that they are overlooking the fact that during the period they would have our children re-visit, there were four major worldwide conflicts, racism was rampant, we had many enemies, that blacks had to use separate drinking fountains and sit in the back of the bus. They forget that back then girls were educated, but were then expected to remain at home to take care of the children and to keep a nice home for their husbands, right down to having supper served to him every night. Equality between men and women, between boys and girls, was barely more than a concept, and, most pertinent to the discussion at hand, sex was something to be kept hidden away from children... it was something "good people" just did not discuss! (especially not in front of the k-I-d-s).
A Different View of the Future
One thing that gives me at least a little encouragement is that our society, our entire world, is moving forward at an incredibly rapid pace. The wheels of change are in motion and now that our overall attitude about sex is becoming more positive where children are concerned, I truly believe that today's children and teens are not about to give up this new freedom from sexual suppression. I hope they can hang in there and that as few children as possible are exposed to the extreme right-wing organization that is giving real Christianity a black eye. I pray that as few kids as possible are exposed to sexually transmitted diseases or experience an unwanted pregnancy simply because they were denied access to information that could have prevented a pregnancy or protected them from a life-threatening disease.
One way to look at life today is to view us as a single population (gee, what a concept! - thanks in no small part to the Internet) in the same way a scientist views an experiment::
First he plans out the experiment and states his objective and his theories on what will result. Next he puts the experiment into motion and begins to make observations. As the experiment takes on a "life of it's own," it takes shape and begins to produce tangible results.
As it progresses, he notices that what is actually happening in the experiment does not exactly fit his original theories and objective. He realizes that whether he likes it or not, it keeps moving forward, never looking at the past, and he cannot alter it's direction without destroying the integrity of the project. It just keeps moving forward, paying no heed to the wishes or expectations of the scientists or the stated objective. You just can't stop nature - it plods steadily onward, leaving the scientists and others behind in it's wake.
So... he isn't getting the results expected and he doesn't exactly like the results he's getting... what does he do? Does he scrap the entire project? Does he try to reverse it? Does he go back and start the project all over again, leaving the first project to it's own fate (and only partially complete)? Or, does he do the logical thing, which is to accept the natural progress (knowing it really can't be stopped), continue to record the events and results, and begin to re-shape and re-think the original expectations?
I believe the answer is obvious. Does this mean that we can't affect change at all? Of course not. We CAN provide solutions to problems and help guide our world on it's way. But it is silly to think we are capable of stopping the huge experiment called "life" or completely reversing even one part of it. Life moves forward, like it or not, regardless of what scientists expect and regardless of what a particular religion says it should be.
Accepting Nature's /God's Norm for Children's Sexual Development
It seems to me that we need to accept what "Nature" (or God, if you prefer) has dictated life to be. That includes accepting the indisputable fact that children are sexual beings from infancy through very old age (or death). It is not as though we teach toddlers to be curious about their bodies, to have pleasurable sensations... no, that much is purely instinctive -- it is "built-in" to each of us. One thought that struck me while writing this is that when toddlers touch their genitals (and obviously derive pleasure), we tend to say: "Oh, they just don't know any better yet". Do you think that maybe they know something we've all forgotten? That this IS the way we are made... it is normal... it is natural! Now wouldn't it be more sensible if we, instead of teaching that it just isn't "proper," begin to teach them about an appropriate time and place for touching, and about respecting the sensitivities of others around us?
The Danger of the Religious Right and What To Do About It
I am thinking, primarily, of the future... a future that is being threatened right now by a very powerful (though relatively small) force. We are facing the prospect of even more legislation that supports and funds only a single, narrow point of view -- a point of view that puts the nation's children at risk, real risk. A point of view that is harmful in and of itself. While organized religion and teaching about having faith is fine, no single religion or faction should be declared by the government to be superior to others. That is exactly what this legislation already passed as law does - and that is wrong. I have religious values that I would put up against the "Christian Coalition" any day, but I certainly don't expect the government to give me money to teach them to others, or declare that mine should be enacted as law that affects everyone in the country.
So, why does the "Christian Coalition," or the "Religious Right" think theirs should be so funded? Beats the heck out of me! What about the millions of people who are not part of their religion? This legislation would affect their children also.
Unless something is done to stop them, we will all soon be living under rules, laws and attitudes that religious conservatives establish because they believe their values are superior to those held by everyone else. A small, narrow-minded and very vocal segment of people in this country are setting the agenda for the rest of us. They say, of course, that they are just protecting "family values" - a cry that few people want to challenge. Also, that they are acting on behalf of the majority of the people in this country - something that will have a ring of truth to it if we do not stand up and tell our Congress that they do not.
They want to return children's rights to being secondary to parental rights (as though parents have a natural "right" to control -- not guide -- but control, the lives of their children into adulthood). It is hard for me to understand how anyone so concerned about children could possibly put their parental rights or religious political agenda ahead of the health, happiness, safety and very lives of their children. Except that it's not just their children they are putting at risk. They have put OUR children at risk for their own political gain, and we should not stand for it.
I am speaking about the topic that started this article, the 1996 Welfare Reform Act. Somehow, this mixed-up band of people have convinced our Congress to fund their singular viewpoint on sex education and to teach it to your children (not just theirs), even though it specifically withholds information that could save a child's life or prevent a sexually transmitted disease or prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Not just withholds that information, specifically prohibits by law the providing of that information. When I think of someone withholding factual information from someone, I equate it with deception and lying. It may be an appropriate reaction, considering that this part of the legislation was kept from the American public... were we deceived? ...was our Congress deceived?
What can we do about it? The answer is simple -- WE FIGHT BACK!
But this is not going to be easy, as the "Christian Coalition" is very, very powerful. Their strength comes from two things: wealth - they have money, and nerve - they are willing to stand up and demand to be heard (makes me think of the old cliché "Money Talks" -- how true!)
Unless the rest of us are willing to do the same thing, we can look forward to a single religion-oriented political system obsessed with "sin," repression and punishment for all who do not conform to their beliefs. If you think I am over-stating the situation, just ask people like the boy in Milwaukee charged with sexual assault of a child when he stepped forward to take responsibility and provide for getting his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant (no one wanted him prosecuted except a single, fanatical prosecutor who wanted to send a message about teenage sex). Or ask the dozens of people in Wenatchie, Washington, or the girl near Seattle charged with the crime of fornication when she got pregnant at 16 (no boys are charged there, only girls, and it is still happening there), or maybe you should ask the 5 year old boy in Washington, DC who was charged with sexual harassment for kissing a girl on the playground. I kid you not, people - more of this is exactly what we are headed for. The 1996 funding of their viewpoint is just one more notch in their belt.
We MUST STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT! We must go that extra step (even if it is the one and only time in your life) to make sure as many people know about this as possible. Please also tell your children about this, and tell your friends and neighbors. Everyone must especially let our Congressional Representatives know that we strongly oppose what was done and that we are demanding that it be reversed! That $440 million must be returned to the general budget for health and sex education for everyone.
CALL FOR ACTION:
Please call or write your Congressional Representatives right away --- and keep on calling and writing until your voice is heard.
We must also "put our own money where our mouth is" and make an extra effort to raise funds to fight back. Money for organizations such as SIECUS and other groups providing free or low-cost sexual health-related services. Contacting the ACLU is another way of supporting a movement to have this bad legislation repealed, as they are, more than likely, the organization with the resources it takes to fight back and get the job done. This is just too important of an issue to sit back on and let others speak for us (especially when the "others" claiming to speak for us hold extremist and far right-wing ideals).
A FINAL WORD (or two):
Last, I would encourage you to think about what you would want for your children in the future. For me, personally, it is easy:
I know that I would want my children to be, above all else, happy, healthy and for them to know they are loved and wanted - unconditionally. Beyond that, I want them to love life, to feel good about sex and their bodies (and to be comfortable with sexual intimacy and pleasure). I want them to know diversity and to know about the entire world around them.
I would also want them to be honest, hardworking and responsible people. They should respect the feelings and beliefs of those around them and I would want for them to care about those less fortunate than themselves and to care about animals and the environment. I want them to know integrity and to be understanding and tolerant of those who believe differently or who are different from themselves.
These things are so much more important than whether or not two consensual sexual partners have been given the approval by the "church" or by "society" to behave as they wish in private. Who has consenting sex with who is easily dwarfed by REAL "family values," such as those I named above.
On a more pleasant note, there are many wonderful things happening in our world as we turn a corner into a new century. The religious conservatives would have us believe that teen sex, teen pregnancy, promiscuity and sexual disease is at an "all time high," or that it has reached "epidemic proportions." This kind of rhetoric makes for sensational headlines and topics for daytime talk shows and the public easily falls right into the trap... because we are concerned about our children. The facts, however, tell the true tale: teenagers are about as sexually active as in previous decades (the difference is that this is no longer a "hidden" fact). Unwanted teen pregnancy is actually down somewhat from previous decades - an indication that more open attitudes about sex, organized sex education, and fact-based information about sex, contraception and STD's are finally beginning to impact our society. Don't get me wrong, though, I do not want to lessen the need to more effectively deal with these problems - quite the contrary -- we now have an opportunity, largely because of the Internet and technology, to make these issues nothing more than world history.
The religious conservatives have been preaching gloom and doom for our society for the last 20 - 30 years (longer than that, really), especially during the repressive regime of the 1980's. But true to Nature, the world has proven them wrong again and again. Time is telling a different story - I recently read a wonderful (but very long) article about this very topic in the July 1997 issue of WIRED(c) magazine called: "The Long Boom: A History of the Future: 1980 - 2020. It is very uplifting and encouraging, and I believe, based on realistic predictions of what is to come in the next several years.
We are, however, still battling harmful influences and behavior in our society, like violence, drugs, STD's, fraud, and government corruption, but how could anyone equate sexual openness and sexuality, in general, with these problems? I feel very sorry for those who do make that association. For me, personally, I can't think of a more exciting time to be a kid. So much is happening and changing right before our very eyes! ... and I am not alone -- most people would agree, I believe.
I would like to thank you for your attention, and for your time. I can only hope that I've informed you of something you did not realize, and that I've touched a "nerve" in you that makes you angry enough to actually do something this time. Your help is desperately needed, with the lives and sexual health of our children... and their children... being at stake.
At the end of this article is a short list of the materials I used when writing this... sort of an "abbreviated" bibliography. If you like what you have read here, and want to know more about pro-sexuality attitudes, you may wish to visit a new website currently under construction at http://www.allaboutsex.org. If you think I am wrong about having a more accepting society on sexual issues, children, and the extreme right, I can only say "thank you" for listening to one person's point of view and for considering an alternative to your own way of thinking.
MATERIALS USED WHILE WRITING THIS ARTICLE
SIECUS "Developments" Newsletter : Volume 5, Issue 2, Summer 1997 ----- http://www.siecus.org (SIECUS is the Sexuality Information Education Council of the United States, formed in 1964 to create sex education curricula) 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 350, New York, NY 10036-7802, Phone: 212-819-9770, Email: SIECUS@siecus.org
"Going All The Way" by Sharon Thompson -- Hill & Wang, NY - 1995 - Library of Congress Card # 95-8011 Softcover, 340 pp (full title: "Going All The Way: Teenage Girl's Tales of Sex, Romance, and Pregnancy") Available at http://www.amazon.com Outstanding study of real teen females and their thoughts & feelings in the 1990's -- Those who have fought for more acceptance of female sexuality should read this and cheer! Well researched and documented - a completely serious book - (my website, http://www.allaboutsex.com, has much more about this book if you are interested).
"The Re-Packaged Bigotry of the Christian Coalition" by Sandy Alexander, N.O.W. intern Article on N.O.W. Website (National Organization for Women) - http://www.now.org
Statistics on AIDS & Other STD's - Statistical Information found on Medline: July 1997 http://www.medscape.com SOURCE: Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (1997;46(28):638-640)
"Pregnant On Purpose" - Article in the August 1997 issue of TEEN Magazine by Alison Bell - p107 Providing good statistical data on sexuality and teen pregnancy, citing the Alan Guttmacher Institute (NY) as it's source.
Study from the Univ of Chicago - July 1997 - CBS "This Morning" Show by Medical Correspondent: Dr. Bernadine Healey -"Researchers now saying that puberty actually begins much, much earlier than previously thought.... "
"Contract With The American Family" from the Christian Coalition website - 1996 - http://cc.org/cc/leg/contract.html"
"The Long BOOM: A History of the Future 1980 - 2020" - Article - WIRED Magazine, July 1997 - Peter Schwartz, Peter Leyden "We're facing 25 years of prosperity, freedom, and a better environment for the whole world... You got a problem with that?
Liberated Christians Newsletter : Spring 1997 - contact - email@example.com, or write: Liberated Christians, P.O. Box 55045, Phoenix, AZ 85078-5045 http://www.libchris.com (Outstanding Newsletter, Excellent, Open & Positive Group) Note: This group is NOT, repeat NOT in any way associated with the religious right or "Christian Coalition."
"Sexual Revolution And Counter-Revolution" Abstract by John Money - Psychohormonal Research Unit, Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore, Md. - http://www.medscape.com (request through their search engine)
"Take Action: 'Parental Rights and Responsibilities Act' " - Author not listed - N.O.W. Website - 1996 - 1997 U.S. Senate Bill S. 984 - 1996 http://www.now.org/issues/right/paract.html "Although innocuous sounding, S. 984 actually has wide-spread, disrupting consequences if allowed to pass..."
"My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday -- Pocket Books - 1973 - Library of Congress Card # 72-96815 Paperback, 336 pp Still available at nearly any bookstore in the USA ! (Ground-breaking book on female sexuality, especially for 1973! )
"Choose The Best" by Bruce Cook - RAPHA - 1997 - Paperback, 128 pp (full title: "Help your teens... Choose The Best ...abstinence until marriage ) (I am not endorsing or recommending this book!)
"All About Sex" - Website (my own - still under construction - stay tuned) http://www.allaboutsex.org "Discussion" website about sex, sex-education and all kinds of sexual issues and topics. Presenting many points of view - mostly positive - about sexuality, past, present and future.
You may also contact me through my personal email address: Blckburn@gte.net
Push to Abstain Doesn't Lower Teen Sex Rates
At the 1996 International Conference on AIDS it was shown that the abstinence message isn't working, but the Centers For Disease Control reports teachings about the value of condoms does seem to work, as more high school students report using them in surveys. The National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which includes about 12,000 students, found that students start having sex, on average, at age 14.
The study also noted however that condom use was highest among ninth graders; it declined by twelfth grade. Perhaps this is because older students switch to birth control pills or other birth control measures which prevent pregnancy but not STD's.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A GOOD YEAR AND A GREAT YEAR!!!!
British Sex Education Debate
LONDON (Reuter) - Children in Britain as young as 11 should be offered free condoms and sex education in a bid to reduce the nation's high rate of teenage pregnancies, a health advisory body recommended.
Several members of Parliament were outraged at the report by the National Health Service Center for Reviews and Dissemination which said that telling young people to say no to sex or wait until they were married simply did not work.
Britain has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe and the government wants to halve the rate for those under 16 years old by the year 2000.
``A lot of what happens sexually between young people is based on their ignorance. The younger sex education starts the better. That means children in the last year of primary school (age 11) and the first year of secondary school (age 12) should be targeted,'' a spokesman for the Center told reporters.
Conservative MP Lady Olga Maitland said she was appalled at the suggestion that condoms should be freely available.
``We ought to be protecting these girls from the pressures of boys and an early sexual life -- protecting their innocence,'' she told BBC radio. ``We ought to be encouraging a climate of moral responsibility for both sexes.''
Sex education is already compulsory in British schools for those over 12 and younger children get instruction in some schools.
The report, which is advisory, said that programs which combined sex education with contraceptive advice succeeded in reducing pregnancy rates without increasing sexual activity.
Be nice to other people. They outnumber you 5.5 billion to one.
The Truth About Bible Translations
By Aaron Budjen, a translator with good insights
Source: Internet public post on pnet.religion.talk
The worlds best seller for all time has also been one of the most influential books in the history of the world. As the most influential book, many people have been concerned about its accurate translation from the languages it was written in. Visiting any bookstore here in America you can easily find up to a dozen different translations into the English language. The question virtually everyone asks is why? Christians and non-Christians alike ask why there are different translations and which one can they trust to be accurate. After all, if they are correct, why are they not the same?
As a translator, I have found merits in all Bible translations. The Amplified Bible does a beautiful job of expressing the definitions of certain words. The NIV relates some passages well in today's common English. I have found few good passages in the New World Translation but I have managed to use it to show Jehovah's Witnesses the deity of Christ Jesus. With their merits they all have their shortcomings. The KJV neglects translating some words. The NKJV and NIV insert strong doctrinal biases in some places. The descriptions I wind up giving is that some translations do a fair job of translating one verse and others don't do a fair job with the same verse. Regrettably, there are some verses that are totally in error in all translations.
Every Bible translation I have read has translated one verse in Hebrew/Greek in to one verse in English. This is a reasonable method if the languages share a common level of expressiveness. The problem is that Greek and Hebrew are much more expressive than English. Therefore an exact translation is only possible if the translator is willing to break the mold of a one to one, verse by verse translation. There are some verses which can be translated this way, but most require a whole if not a composition in English to express the full meaning. Because of this challenge - all English translations I know of (presently in print and on the market) are more accurately called paraphrases.
Translating the Bible into English is not where this controversy began. It began when the Jews were taken into captivity after the Babylonian invasion in 586 BC. After being in a foreign country for a couple of generations the Jews adopted the language of the surrounding people and forgot the Hebrew language. Only the Rabbis and the students in the Synagogue knew Hebrew. The common people only knew Aramaic. The services and readings in the Synagogue were done in Hebrew. Therefore, the common Jews would seek someone to interpret for them during the services. The interpreter was called the Methurgemen, and many synagogues began to employ them. The Methurgemen was allowed to verbalize, paraphrases of what was being said or read, but he was strictly forbidden to write it down. The reason for that was because the Rabbis were concerned that the translation, or paraphrase would be recognized as having equal authority as the original Hebrew. Some writings were still done in time and they became known as targums. [essentially "commentaries" on Scripture - Bill Paris]
What the Rabbis and scribes were concerned about almost two and a half millennia ago has happened today. In America, the English texts for sale in the bookstores are wrongly looked upon as having equal authority as the original Hebrew as well as the Greek of the New Testament. I will admit that the truth is revealed through them and the lives of people are changed by the power of God. However, the study of the original languages is neglected by virtually every Christian and Jew in America today because of the deception that what they are reading is accurate and with authority. In knowing the original languages you will know which verses that have been translated into English are accurate and have authority.
[Editorial note, by Bill Paris: I agree with most of what this author says including his affirmation that life-changing truth is revealed through English translations. However, I feel that his views still suggest that you really can't know the truth of Scripture unless you know Hebrew and Greek. (By the way, I am a seminary graduate, with many years of study in these languages.)
There are at least two fallacies here: First, learning biblical Hebrew and Greek as second languages two thousand years after the last Scriptures were written does not guarantee that you will understand the many nuances of these languages (especially Hebrew) as they were employed in ancient times. Second, the author overlooks the teaching ministry of the Holy Spirit in the lives of believers as he helps us understand IN THE HEART what the Scriptures mean.
One of the most critical contributions to the church by the Protestant Reformation was its belief that the common man could understand the message of Scripture and know the God of Scripture if only he could have the Scripture in his own hands IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE, as opposed to the Roman church's version of Scripture which was almost entirely in the hands of the clergy and only in LATIN. The invention of the printing press in the same period, the translation of Scripture into the languages of Europe and the revolution in literacy that accompanied these developments changed Christianity and the world for all time. Carrying this author's view to its logical conclusion would place the understanding of Scripture back into the hands of a scholarly or religious elite, for it is unrealistic in our day to expect even committed believers to learn these languages on a large scale.
The author's commitment appears to be to an understanding that comes from objective linguistic study. While this is commendable as a goal and while we at Liberated Christians seek to use the original languages to gain a better understanding of Scriptural truth, especially in the realm of sexuality and intimate relationships, there is really no such thing as truly OBJECTIVE study in the first place (everyone comes to Scripture with built-in biases, believer and unbeliever, scholar and layman). In the second place, true spiritual understanding goes beyond such study and into the realm of FAITH, which must always remain subjective and highly personal. If the meaning of Scripture does not become PERSONAL and a matter of faith to its readers, no matter whether one is proficient in the original languages or not, it is of no real use as a life-giving, life-changing resource.]
San Francisco May License "Sex Clubs"
While this pertains more to gay clubs, it certainly may also apply to heterosexual clubs. San Francisco is very liberal. They also completed an extensive study on the problems of prostitution with a strong recommendation to decriminalize sex workers.
San Francisco is moving to become the first city in the nation to license clubs that encourage patrons to engage in sexual activities.
Supporters have said that a proposed law, which has the approval of Mayor Willie Brown, would slow the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases rather than encourage sex.
Supervisor Tom Ammiano, a longtime gay and AIDS awareness activist, told the San Francisco Chronicle he is putting the finishing touches on the proposed law, which would put controls on a largely underground and unregulated industry.
Sex clubs are large, open rooms where patrons would pay anywhere from $5 to $20 to congregate for sex, masturbation and voyeurism in a party-like atmosphere.
With a license, clubs would be required to provide condoms, lubricants, proper lighting, AIDS-prevention literature and safe-sex monitors. No alcohol would be allowed and doors could not be locked.
Sex clubs are nothing new in San Francisco and did not decrease in popularity after officials closed down the city's two dozen bathhouses in the early 1980s.
Mitchell Katz, head of the San Francisco Health Department's AIDS office, said the proposed law was sensible, especially since 10 to 15 sex clubs already operate in the city.
``Because they are now operating on a general business license, the license does not include any of the types of the regulations that we want,'' Katz said.
For the last two years, the Health Department has met with local club owners and developed the Coalition for Healthy Sex, but Katz said he wants the clubs to be a venue for HIV prevention. `They do monitor, but they do not have the frequency of monitoring or the appropriate lighting,'' he said.
Monogamy Does Not Equal Commitment
From a woman discussing someone's romantic ideal of monogamy forever on the internet:
I have known people who were happily married and monogamous. Sometimes these people were even married to people who felt likewise. More often, however, one person was monogamous and the other was not. Sometimes this was acknowledged, often not.
Occasionally, monogamous marriages last a lifetime; more often, they give way to multiple partners (acknowledged or not), divorce and/or serial polygamy (also known as serial monogamy), wherein a person is married and monogamous with one person, then divorces and becomes monogamous with another. Repeat as boredom or incompatibility (or lack of desire to work on problems) requires.
Once I figured out that monogamy did not equal commitment, and commitment did not equal monogamy, I found that one of the major pressures for dissolving my relationship with my husband had disappeared. This is not to say that we do not sometimes disagree on the suitability of a particular person that one of us is interested in. But that's negotiable. At 29 1/2 years together, I would say what we have works, at least for us. We each have had other lovers, but the primary bond between us is as strong as that for any happily married couple. I don't think that there is anything magic in that piece of paper or the permission of the State or words said by a religious figure. I do feel that there is a lot of magic in love (ah, that nebulous concept) and a willingness to deal with problems.
Europeans Have 'Liaisons"
Vs. Honest Communicative Relationships
The European way is to have "liaisons" as long as it is done with discretion. Its much like the "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gays in the military. In America the term "cheating" is usually used. Both are ways of dealing with the natural desire that both men and women have for variety in their intimate relationships. While this works for many both in Europe and in the U.S., I (Dave) believe in consensual relationships based on honest communications, not hiding these relationships to avoid being honest with your prime relationship. Much of the hurt couples face is when the "discrete" relationship is "found out." People even hire private detectives to spy on their spouses. I support the more honest but harder route: honest communications. If the relationship is not based on such honesty, perhaps the relationship is not worth having. That is why I am so supportive of poly and swing lifestyles. There is no need to hide. Responsible non-monogamy is a perfectly legitimate moral choice, but sadly most in our society have been brought up brainwashed that possessive monogamy is the only moral choice. That is why the cheating occurs. The result is often a partner "freaking" when he/she finds out the truth about the others liaisons.
Oral Sex A Crime Unless Foreplay In Singapore !
Singapore's Court of Appeal has ruled that oral sex is a criminal offence unless performed as part of foreplay.
The Straits Times newspaper reported that the court had deemed oral sex an ``unnatural act'' unless it leads to intercourse.
Only "the coitus of the male and female sexual organs'' was natural intercourse, the court was quoted as saying. However, ``unnatural acts'' were permissible in foreplay, though the court did not specify which ones would be considered legal.
The court ruled that where oral sex is used as a substitute for intercourse, it is an offence even if both partners consent. The court overruled a judgement that oral sex did not fall within the criminal code's definition of an unnatural sexual act.
The case involved a 47-year-old man accused of duping a 19-year-old a woman into performing oral sex on him by saying she had been infected by poison introduced into her body by another man who had performed oral sex on her. The man was alleged to have told her the only way to get rid of the poison was for her to perform oral sex on him.
Big Beautiful Women - too much of a good thing is even better!
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress?'" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?'" So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
"Lord, what is a headache?"
Your Letters & E-mail
Dave's note: We believe the experiences and responses of real people are very interesting and we can all learn and grow by these real life experiences in addition to theory from articles we write or reprint. We continue to welcome these types of letters and E-mail. To protect privacy no identifying personal information or last names will ever be revealed unless permission is given. Also, we print letters that show how helpful some information we provide has been, not to boast, but simply share how the ideas are so much needed to help so many in their spiritual and human relationships.
A woman writes:
"Just wanted to let you know that your information helps me very much and there are so many issues I have been dealing with....
I just couldn't solve the conflict within my soul...knowing that I could love and enjoy others..and feeling guilty all the time..while loving God...and not wanting to let him down.
He never really judged me though...only society.
Any way! Just a big thank you and a warm hug of appreciation."
A man from Alabama writes:
"Your site has been extremely helpful to us, especially me, and I tried to reconcile my thoughts and feelings with the way I was raised (a conservative southern protestant). Your counseling and advice helped me thru a recent divorce (after 22 years) and helped me start my life over. I recently read the book you mentioned in one of your articles, "The Tao of the Loving Couple" by Jolan Chang. It was excellent and I would recommend it as required reading to any person. I now have a beautiful girlfriend, many new close friends, and we are enjoying life to the fullest now. Keep up the good work, its worth it.
From a clergy couple:
"We are VERY grateful for the liberated christians web site.
We are an ordained clergy couple in two major mainstream Christian denominations. We are also very joyful in our mutual discovery of ourselves as mates and sexual beings. The trust and honesty of our relationship is leading us far beyond the rigid bounds of church morality. And yet we feel faithfully called to do the work of our vocations in service to others. So, it's a very narrow line to walk. Your pages have helped us know that we are not alone. And we agree completely with your philosophy, your biblical interpretation, your theology, and your intent. May God richly bless your work."
From a man in KY:
"I am a Christian 45 year old male, and still virgin. I became a Christian at a very young age and believed that it was wrong to have premarital sex. But if your arguments are correct, then I have remained celibate for the wrong reasons."
Update On John's Security Clearance Battle with the Military
Note: We have been following John's battle with the military over his security clearance for some time since we reported his problem in previous newsletters. This E-mail is now a bit old, since we didn't print letters in the last "Special Issue," but the concerns about being open in the lifestyle and its potential effect in government positions should be a concern of those in the lifestyle.
I did a combined email cause you all needed the same information. My Government job will be history in 30 to 45 days, probably closer to 30 days. They have denied my final administrative appeal of the revocation of my security clearance and since that is a condition of employment, they have started the termination process.
By the end of this month or very early next month, I'll be filing a civil suit against the Secretary of the Army, Commanding General of Criminal Investigation Command and other named defendants using a combination of both civil rights and a conspiracy statute. As normal, there are no guarantees in the court system but my lawyer thinks we have a reasonable chance of prevailing based on the record we have created thus far with some argumentation. Course these things always get more complicated as they get into the legal wrangling.
I need whatever help I can get, morally, informationally, and financially because this is going to become expensive for an unemployed person to pursue. Be hard even if I had a job since I've already built up a significant amount of legal fees getting to this point.
Any publicity you can give me will be appreciated and donations can be sent to my mailing address. They will be placed in a separate bank account and will be strictly accounted for the legal fees and legal expenses only. I'm working on another way to earn a living which should reach a decision point in the next few weeks but the income will be somewhat less than I have now. Passing the information around to others will be a major help and to that end you have my permission to use my name and the circumstances when talking to others in the lifestyle about the situation. ACLU does not appear at this point to be a viable asset in this battle. They have been prominent in the fight with the gay rights movement but they have also characterized it as an "orientation" as a separate and distinct matter from behavior and their success so far has paralleled that rather artificial dichotomy. It will be the alternative lifestyle community which stands to lose the most from this and from which the majority of help will have to come. I've gone this far pretty much alone and I really thought I had a good opportunity for effecting a policy decision which would insulate us from this kind of retribution. However, those hopes were not realized and now we must venture into the combative arena of the courts if we are not to have the opposite precedent set that the Government can persecute us for our legal, albeit controversial in many circles, behavior. I believe the constitutional framers envisioned just such persecution and that is why they have put some of the provisions into place. I don't mind too much having to do battle in the constitutional battlefield (although I would prefer not) but I just do not have the financial and informational resources to permit me to prevail. If I lose, we all lose.
Please search your hearts and see what you can do and whom you can tell that may be able to help. This needs to have the good fight fought and I'll do that with a little help from my Intimate Friendship lifestyle.
Thanks very much for anything you can do now and in the future. This is going to take a while so we need to be in this for the long haul.
Take care. John
Dave's Note: As readers might remember, the basis the military uses for revoking security clearances is that it could be used as blackmail against a person which could endanger national security. But when someone is outspoken about the lifestyles, clearly "out of the closet", it is ridiculous to think one could be "blackmailed" by someone disclosing such a lifestyle.
LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE, BUT AREN'T:
10. I need to whip it out by 5!
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before I leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
5. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM........ I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits there
A Recovering Catholic Upset About Church's Sex Teachings:
I am in my mid-forties, gave up The Church when I was twenty, and I still suffer from the wounds this institution caused me. I was told that I (all of us) were sinners; that my (our) thoughts were carnal and evil; that I had to confess them to a person who was so sick himself that he had to hide in a closet while he listened to them. That my sins would be forgiven only when this hidden man said they were: but I had to mumble mumbo-jumbo in Latin to make the sins disappear. Did I have to apologize for my behavior? No. The mumbo-jumbo was enough. (Three Hail Marys, Two Our Fathers and one Act of Contrition, for example.) I learned that God was a very strange creature, whose interests seemed to revolve around how many times a week I went to church, whether or not I had 'sinful' thoughts about girls in my class, whether or not I masturbated, etc.
When it came to REAL issues, God was silent. (This is still true: The Pope cares not a whit for the hungry masses in overpopulated countries - he is more interested in whether or not the women practice birth control... He cares not about social justice, just whether or not his priests practice the same politics he (the Pope) espouses [I offer his South and Central American visits as proof of his attitude].)
So I learned that God was this strange guy who was not interested in how I lived my life, he was interested in whether or not I thought about sex, and whether or not I sat in a big expensive building. Strange guy. Strange interests. If this was God, I'll give him a pass.
As I grew up, I grew further and further from the Church, though I still had the anger that the church had betrayed me.
For heaven's sake, if you must practice this sick ritual of chastity and virginity, do it in private and please don't confuse other people by telling them how wonderful it is. Self flagellation is not wonderful. It's a sign of sickness, even though it is encouraged even in today's seminaries. If the Gods had intended humans to be chaste, he would have made them asexual.
Those Darn Pagers
From a Primenet support person who takes customer calls: I work the late shift (early?) Midnight to 8:00am. At 4:00 am it was dead silent in the NOC and I was alone. Then it happened!!!!
!BEEP! - !BEEP! -!BEEP major alarm!!!!!
This alarm is not familiar but it scares the heck out of me!!!
Running (Remind me to remove my headset next time.) I bolt out towards the equipment room. Wait!!!! the alarm seems less audible here in the hallway,,, back in the operations room I enter,,, Culprit....
A pager back from repair in the in box of a fellow employee
... I found myself sitting there with a pager, a 10 lb sledge hammer and a grin...
I behaved,,,, but the thought was fun :)
Sometimes I am surprised at how many people automatically view a divorce as a "Failed marriage" or a "failure" of some kind. I know someone who claims to have successfully completed 3 marriages.
Wise Man Once Say...
"Man with hand in pocket, feel cocky all day..."
One of Life's Treasures
By Tim from PA
Everyone loves a good story about a hidden treasure! Games, contests, and even some children's toys are designed with a treasure theme. Several years ago we visited a well known fish restaurant. The children's meal was built around this treasure theme. You had to look for the treasure, and hidden in a secret compartment in the bottom of the meal was the pirates treasure! Aye, me mates, we do love our treasure!
Many years ago a pastor told me about the true treasure of life. He made the outrageous claim that this treasure was indeed one that I could take with me after death! Now many of us in the Christian tradition would claim to know this treasure. We would name Jesus, or perhaps eternal life, or salvation, any number of things. These items might indeed be treasure, but this is not the treasure that my pastor friend was speaking of. The treasure he had in mind is the treasure of friendship.
In the lifestyle Deb and I have met many people. It would appear to us that you could roughly divide lifestyle people into two camps. The first camp includes people who are only after sexual gratification. We have all met people like this, once the appetite is satisfied they disappear. The second camp includes people who desire to make new friends. They desire friendships that are deep and lasting, friendships that stretch to include the sexual areas of life. This is what the lifestyle should be about, deep friendships, friendships that will last forever! Friendships that will stand the test of time. This is the true treasure of life, I would rather spend my time here in this life making friends than to accumulate all the wealth of the world. As the new year begins, let us all make a priority of finding and keeping good friends!
Wise Man Once Say...
"Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long..."
THE TOP 15 BIBLICAL
WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
A GUIDE TO GREAT ORAL SEX
Dave, I've enjoyed reading your home page. Although I've known about the G-Spot for several years and have used my knowledge with great success and mutual enjoyment, one can never have too much information. The following was sent to me by a college coed last year and I'd like to share it with you and your other readers. Jed
Part I: HOW TO EAT PUSSY
I have a lot of respect for all you studs who like to eat pussy because there are too few of you out there -- and I'm not the only woman who says this. But some of you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe this little lesson will help you to get it right.
When a woman finds a man who gives great head, she's found a treasure she's not going to let go of too quickly. This guy is one rare customer, and she knows it. She won't even tell her girl friends about it or he'll become the most popular man in town. So remember, most guys can fuck and they usually do it satisfactorily, but the man who gives good head has it made!
Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you have the world's most gorgeous woman in bed with you, she's going to worry whether you'll like her cunt, so while you're petting and stroking her tell her that she's beautiful. Talk to her about her pussy; tell her how soft and warm it feels, and how pretty and pink it is.
Look at her pussy closely. Spread the outer labia and expose her inner lips; softly blow on them, then lick them ever so lightly. Gently pull up the tops of her pussy lips until you can find her clit. Woman have clits in all different sizes, just like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her capacity for orgasm goes. All it means is that more of her is hidden underneath her foreskin.
Before you touch a woman's clit, make sure your finger is wet. Lick your fingers, or moisten them with her pussy juices or from your own dripping cock. Her clit doesn't have any juices of its own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick to it if it's dry, and that hurts! But don't touch her clit right now anyway. You have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused and well lubricated, her clit is too delicate and sensitive to be rubbed.
Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The inner part of her thigh is very sensitive. Lick it; kiss it. Make designs on it with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her cunt, then float away. Make her anticipate your mouth. Lick the crease where each of her legs joins her body. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Now, to further excite her, brush your lips over her slit without pressing down on it.
After you've done this to the point where her hips are starting gyrate and she's straining to get more of you close to her, then put your lips on top of her slit. Spread her legs wider with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you're about to eat must be done gently. Kiss her slit softly at first, then harder. Use your tongue to separate her pussy lips. She'll open her legs wider in invitation to your probing tongue. When she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers of the luscious, wet-warm pussy flesh.
Now, slide your tongue in and out of her vagina and tongue-fuck her. This feels sooo goooood! It also teases the hell out of her because by now she wants her clit to have some attention. Check it out. See if it's gotten hard enough to peek out of its covering. If so, lick it. If you can't see it, it's waiting for you underneath. Bring your tongue up to the top of her slit and probe for her clit. You may barely feel its presence, but even if you can't locate this tiny pearl, you can make it rise more by licking the foreskin that covers it. Gently separate the lips and put your tongue against her clit, whether it's hood-covered or not. Press your face into her cunt and flick your tongue rapidly against her clit. Her hips will gyrate and her legs start to shudder.
When you sense she's getting up there toward orgasm, make your lips into an "O" and take the clit into your mouth. Start to suck it gently and watch your lady's face for her reaction. If she can handle it, begin to suck harder. If she really digs it, increase the suction. Go with her. When she lifts her pelvis and presses her pussy against your mouth with the tension of her rising orgasm, move with her. Don't fight her; hang on and keep your hot mouth on her clit, always sucking. Don't let go! That's what she'll be saying, too. "Please don't stop, don't ever stop!"
There's a reason for saying that; most men stop too soon. Just like with cock sucking, this is something worth learning about and worth learning to do well. I know a man who's a lousy fuck, simply lousy, but he can eat pussy like nobody I know, and he never has trouble getting a date. Girls are falling all over him.
But back to your pussy eating session. There's another thing you can do to intensify your woman's pleasure. You can finger-fuck her while she's enjoying your clit-sucking talents. Whether it's before coming or after, she'll dig this! In addition to the erogenous zones surrounding her clit, a woman has another extremely sensitive area about four inches up at the roof of her vagina -- her "G" spot. This is what your cock rubs up against when you're fucking her. Well, since your cock is pretty far away from your mouth, your fingers will have to do the fucking. Use two fingers -- one is too skinny and three are too wide and therefore can't get deep enough. By now, her pussy will be dripping wet. Slide them inside, slowly at first, then a little faster. Finger-fuck her rhythmically. Speed up only when she does. Listen to her breathing. She'll let you know what to do.
If you're sucking her clit and finger-fucking her at the same time, you're giving her far more stimulation than with your cock alone. So you can count on it that she's getting high on this. If there's any doubt, check her out for symptoms. Each woman is unique. Your woman's nipples will probably get hard when she's excited; she might flush scarlet; she may begin to tremble, or she may make soft mewing or crying sounds that gradually increase in volume as her climax rises. Get to know her signs and you'll be a far more sensitive lover.
When she starts to come, for heaven's sake don't let go of her clit. Hang in there for the duration. Slide your tongue along the underside of the clit, leaving your lips covering the top. Slip your tongue in and out of her vagina. If your fingers are inside, move them in and out quickly palm upwards so you can massage her "G" spot with your fingertips. When she comes, she'll explode.
When she starts to come down from the first orgasm, her clit may be too sensitive for more sucking immediately and she may beg for a break. Give her a few minutes to recover, but kiss and nuzzle her breasts and stomach until she's ready for more -- and she will want more!
If you play your cards right, you'll give her some fantastic multiple orgasms this way. A woman stays excited for a full hour after she's come. Do you realize the full impact of that information? The potential? One woman was clocked at having 56 orgasms in one session! Do you know what effect you'd have on a woman you gave that many orgasms to? She'd be your love slave for life!
Here's a little known fact that's sometimes not believed: some women actually ejaculate when they have an orgasm. I'm not talking about the normal slippery lubrication that happens when a woman gets hot; these gals really ejaculate an ounce or more of fluid when they come that will soak your bed sheets--and your face if you're eating her. Don't panic if this happens to you! Although this liquid squirts out of her urethra, she's NOT pissing on you. Behind the "G" spot there's a spongy mass called "paraurethral glands." Not much is known about their actual function, but they may be similar to a man's prostate gland. In some women, these glands may be larger or more productive than most of us. When these gals have an orgasm, they have a powerful inner contraction that propels the liquid -- and they really squirt! So, guys, if this happens to you, you really have a rare one!
Another gem of advice: don't ignore her ass hole, which is another very sensitive area, especially when a woman is on a sex high. As you're licking her clit and finger-fucking her with your index and middle fingers, use your ring finger as a butt dildo, but moisten it first with your saliva or her pussy juice. Your ring finger's small enough not to cause her any discomfort, but large enough to give her some real pleasure when combined with your tongue action. Also, don't turn your nose up at the thought of analingus. Now, I know what you're thinking. "Yuck, it's dirty down there." Sure it is sometimes, and if she's smelly then ignore this advice. But if you've showered together before getting down to serious licking, her ass, like her pussy, should be kissing sweet. And she will love it!
The last piece of advice I have for you guys is this: After she's finally finished coming and you've given her the best head she's ever had, don't just get up and walk away. Talk to her quietly and caress her gently until she's come all the way down. A man can get his rocks off and go to sleep in the same breath. But a woman by nature requires some sensitivity from her lover in those first few minutes after sex.
In Part II, I'll tell you gals how to give your lover the best blow job he's ever had. After all, what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. But more of that later.
Oral sex can be the most exciting sexual experience you can have. But it's what you make of it. Take your time, practice often, pay attention to your lover's signals and, most of all, enjoy yourself.
Part II: HOW TO SUCK COCK
There's an old male joke that goes, "What do you call the worst blow job in the world?" The answer: "Great!"
First of all, let me say that I'm sixty years old and I was introduced to oral sex five years ago. I'd made love to only one man until my divorce nine years ago. In over thirty-five years of dating and marriage, my husband never went down on me, nor had I ever given him a blow job. Needless to say, I didn't have a lot of orgasms during our 29 year marriage. Thankfully, a few years ago I met a man who introduced me to the joys of oral sex, and this is why I'm writing this. There may be a lot of other gals like me out there who are missing the best orgasms of their lives.
The October 1996 issue of Playboy reports that in a recent sex survey of college students, 95 to 98 percent of them had tried oral sex, and that three-quarters of both male and female students had engaged in oral sex in the previous month. Sixty-one percent of the women reported that they had let the man come in their mouth; a third said they had swallowed it, and another third said it depended upon who they were giving head to. Obviously, oral sex has a lot going for it, but just doing it and doing it well are two different matters.
I'll never forget the first time my guy went down on me. On our second date, as we sat in a movie theater, he started gently stroking the inside of my right thigh. His touch was electrifying and within minutes I had a sudden and wonderful orgasm. He never even touched my crotch. I hadn't had sex since my divorce, didn't masturbate, and I can't remember the last orgasm I'd had, so I was ready. When he took me home he wanted to screw me. The feeling was mutual and I asked me if he had a condom. When he said he didn't, I told him to bring one the next time.
The next night after the obligatory dinner, wine and soft music, he carried me into my candle lit bedroom -- the first man to be there since my divorce. He laid me on the bed and slowly undressed me. My mind was in a whirl. I wanted him very much, but I was afraid he'd just fuck me and say goodbye, and I'd never see him again. How wrong I was!
Since this part is about cock sucking, I won't go into the details of his going down on me. Much of what you've read in Part I is the product of my experiences with his tongue and fingers. After I'd had several tremendous orgasms, he smiled at me and said, "Now, it's your turn." I knew what he wanted, but I didn't have a clue what to do.
The first thing he taught me was that a cock is not something dirty. He placed his hard cock against my cheek and caressed me with it, then he brushed it over my lips as he moved it to my other cheek. Back and forth he went, each time leaving a slight taste of his lubrication on my lips. I licked my lips and tasted it. I was surprised to discover that it tasted good -- just a tiny bit salty. I wanted more! I began licking him, shyly at first, then eagerly as I saw his reaction. I could tell from his expression that he enjoyed what I was doing -- and it came so naturally to me. He had given me great pleasure and I wanted to please him. I asked him what I should do next.
I took his prick into my mouth, but my teeth scraped him and he told me how to fold my lips over my teeth. "Now, move it in and out of your mouth while you suck gently. I don't want to choke you, so put your hand around it so I can't push it down your throat." He's quite large and he knew it was important not to gag me and risk turning me off. After several minutes, his moaning told me his climax wasn't far off. "When I come, swallow fast. Suck hard, and don't stop." His semen was surprisingly warm in my mouth and sweet tasting. I've been a confirmed sucker and swallower ever since that night. I love doing it!
So, gals, here are some pointers I've learned the hard way (pun intended). Since I don't exactly have a cock of my own I'm partially relying on my dear lover to supply some of the subjective observations.
Any woman can stick a penis in her mouth. Ah, but it's what you do with it once it's in there that makes all the difference in the world. I really believe there's a lot of men out there who think that sticking their dick in a woman's mouth and getting their rocks off is all there is to a blow job. The operative word is "job" -- it's something you have to work at to perfect your technique. It's knowing when to lick, when to suck, when to move your hand, and when to pause. Every man is different. Now, I'll let my lover tell you some of his experiences....
"I didn't get my first blow job until I was twenty-four. I thought nice girls didn't do that sort of thing. That first one was memorable by its very nature. It wasn't the best head I've ever had by a long shot, but it got me hooked on oral sex. She also gave me my first lesson in pussy eating. By the way, she was a spitter not a swallower.
"To swallow or spit, that is the challenge! I've never held it against any woman who didn't swallow my come. It took me a long time to get up the courage to taste my own semen. I guess I was afraid I'd turn gay. I like it when my lover swallows my sperm; I think it's the ultimate act of acceptance. To be honest, I was disappointed if my lady of the evening rushed to the bathroom and spat it into the toilet. I felt it was a form of rejection. The only time my ex-wife gave me head in ten years of marriage, she ran to the john and threw up and swore "never again." We split up a few months later. I hasten to add, that it was mainly over other problems we were having, but the rejection factor was there also.
"What is semen? Without getting technical, it's pure no-cal protein, and as long as a man doesn't have a prostate infection there's nothing in his come that can hurt you. It may taste bland or it may have a slightly salty or vinegary flavor, but it's not unpleasant at all unless he's eaten raw onions or garlic the day before. I've tasted my own come on my lover's lips, and some times she keeps it in her mouth and shares it with me. It's really not bad tasting, just a little different.
"I have one piece of advice to help overcome any aversion: 'Swallow fast.' Don't swish it around in your mouth until after you've developed a taste for it. Your most sensitive taste buds are on the tip of your tongue, so if you're squeamish and have never swallowed semen before when your man starts to come direct it to the back of your mouth and then quickly 'down the hatch.' Have a glass of fruit juice handy as a chaser if you're squeamish. I'm convinced there is something addictive about the taste of semen. Once you get used to it, most women I've known grew to love the taste and liked swallowing it. My lover literally licks her lips in anticipation before giving me a blow job -- and afterwards, as well. I've made love to a lot of women over the years and have had oral sex with most of them, but I can say that my present lover gives me the best head I've ever had. She does it eagerly and with love in her heart, and those two ingredients are impossible to beat.
"A lot of has been written or discussed about 'deep throat', as some call it. Deep throat is a developed technique that enables a person to relax their throat muscles and suppress the gag reflex so that they are able to take a man's entire erect cock into their mouth and down their throat. I've been with one woman whose mouth was so small that she could only get the head of my dick in her mouth. Most of the others could get me about half way down or maybe a little more, and a couple were able to eat the whole thing. Which did I like best? Once a prick is completely down a woman's throat there's not a lot she can do with it except slide it out again. I'll admit the depth of penetration is a turn on, but it's how she uses her tongue, lips and teeth that results in the best head.
"Did I say teeth? One deep throat specialist I used to date actually chewed me lightly on the way down and again on the way back out. That felt awfully good! Another way to use your teeth is to nibble the underside of the prick, like eating an ear of corn. But ladies, if you try this, please nibble GENTLY, SOFTLY and LIGHTLY!
"Here's one enjoyable technique I want to pass along. I had one of my most memorable blow jobs in a bathtub. The water was very warm and my companion set a bowl of ice cubes next to the tub. She put an ice cube in her mouth and then my hot prick. The shock was astonishing! She kept alternating submerging my cock in the hot water and putting it in her ice cold mouth, or applied the ice cube to my balls. Each time the temperature change was electrifying. When I finally came, it was incredible. Try it!
"Licking and sucking the balls is another nice variation. Personally, I shave my hairy scrotum so that my lover doesn't get a floss job when she's working on my balls. Don't ignore the underside of the head -- it's called the frenum, and it's very sensitive. Licking and gentle nibbling this area are strongly advised. When your mouth and jaw muscles start to tire and you've had about all the cock sucking you can handle, either use one of your free hands to jack him off or stick it in your pussy. I guarantee he won't mind one little bit. When he started to come, take your index finger and press hard suddenly just behind his balls. This action gives his prostate an added turbo-boost.
"Here she is again for a final word....."
As you might have gathered by now, oral sex is an important part of my sex life. Since my lover and I been together I've become highly orgasmic and can come a half a dozen or more, and I believe oral sex has had a lot to do with my awakening. Not all of my lover's contact is just with my pussy. I can come when he caresses my inner ear with his finger or tongue; when he sucks my breasts; when he licks my back; when he caresses my tail bone or my asshole. I've even had orgasms when I'm sucking him off. My whole body vibrates to his touch, and he plays me like a master violinist. With the right partner, you can become multi-orgasmic also.
As I said before, I'm sixty. My lover is sixty-four. If we can have sex this great at our ages, think of what you can have! Just as fucking is more than pushing it in and out of a warm hole, oral sex is a lot more than just applying a mouth to a dick or a cunt. It's what you do with your mouth when you get it there.
Happy licking and sucking!
There are basically three kinds of condoms: unlubricated latex, lubricated latex, and lambskin. The lambskins are no good because they haven't been proven to be a barrier to infection. Anyway, they're really made of lambies and that makes us sad, especially around Easter time. (The real reason we don't like them is that they actually smell like lamb. One is tempted to lubricate them with mint jelly.)
There are variations on the basic latex condoms. Some condoms are prelubricated, with spermicidal jelly, even. Others are not. Strictly B.Y.O.K.Y.
The strangest variation by far is the ribbed latex condom. Why are these condoms ribbed? This is supposed to be stimulating? Should one attempt to play washboard tunes on it? This is just part of a big problem with condoms. Condoms were, and are, designed by men.
Padded Condoms ! If Gals Designed Condoms ...
What a wonderful world it would be. Skip the ribbing, skip the lube. If women designed condoms there is no question that they would be padded.
"But size doesn't matter!" comes a chorus of voices. (The loudest voices come from boys who are peeking. Stop that right now. Turn to the sports page immediately.) Sure length doesn't matter. But give any girl a small dose of truth serum and ask her about width.
Admit it. If padded condoms were placed on the market, hordes of screaming women would storm their local druggists and dash out with tote bags full. Unfortunately, it wouldn't work. After all, there is that ticklish issue of boy sensitivity, which we can't overlook, even if we occasionally want to. Padded condoms would rob boys of the skin-to-skin sensation they already claim condoms rob them of, and we can't have that.
No, modern women, being kind and sensitive lovers, would design whisper-soft condoms, completely transparent and microscopically thin. The paisley, rainbow, and floral-print condoms we designed would be strictly novelty items, kept for special occasions only. Ditto the condoms with cute sayings: "Hang in there, baby, Friday's coming"; "My girlfriend went to Florida and all I got was this lousy condom"; and the classic "I'm with stupid" (arrow pointing back toward the boy). Other specialty items would include the male-ego condom, which, like black olives, come in three sizes: jumbo, colossal, and humongous. Naughty subversives would enjoy the Karen Finley assortment, colorful, decorative condoms that turn ordinary penises into bananas, hotdogs, yams, and more.
But I digress. The best place to buy condoms is your local massive drugstore that has them on display, self-serve, just like corn pads or athlete's foot spray.
So go shopping. Dress cool, hold your head high, read labels, make your selection. Be assured that most popular brands come with little instruction booklets much like the ones found in boxes of Tampax (uh oh -- don't mix them up!). While at the drugstore, be sure to purchase at least one of the following items: Tickle antiperspirant, Ban Roll-on, or any of the Calvin Klein line of men's grooming aids. You'll need these for important condom experiments at home.
At home, be alone. Light candles. Play inspiring music; any record by Rick James will do. Remove one of the condoms from its packet. Examine it carefully. Then put it to work. Experiment with your slippery new friends; whip those sons-of-gummi-worms into shape. Recruit those deodorant bottles and practice, practice, practice.
And how about some new nicknames for the old standbys? Love skins. Slicks. Wet suits. Silk stockings. Eight-by-two glossies.
Soon enough, you'll be happy and relaxed, perfectly in control of those silly little slips o' sin. But wait. Something's missing. Oh yes, the hard part. I mean the good part. I mean, both.
Recreational Sex An Insider's Guide To The Swinging Lifestyle
By the editor of Connection Magazine, Patti Thomas
Dave says ...Wow....
Despite the title which may turn off some looking for real relationships not just the traditional recreational sex of swinging this is the first book I can endorse as being a practical guide, especially for new and hesitant couples. Some prior guides I've reviewed have been more personal fantasy experiences which for some people are great, but this is the first book I've reviewed that is personal, concise and very practical.
For example, In the first page of the first chapter she wonderfully addresses the issue "Why would a couple want to swing if they're happy together?" This is one of the most frequent questions I get from "straight" couples not in the lifestyle. My answer is very similar to hers and I like the way she has summarized it.
Patti also does a great job of addressing jealousy (insecurity) and other issues along with practical ideas on finding people, different styles of swinging, establishing your "speed limit", erotic icebreaker games, how to get out of a bad situation, clubs and an overview of some of the major swing conventions, and much more!
It even has a good photo section but the emphasis is on practical information, not just another sexy picture book that mostly appeals to men..especially single men wannabees which are in huge oversupply vs. very low demand. Patti leaves out what I consider some of the more important reasons why only a few clubs are open to single males, but otherwise the single male (not singles) topic is covered very well. She did leave out one of my favorite conventions, Reflections in Florida which is sponsored by a group of some great Florida club owners. Next Reflections convention is in March 1998, in Daytona Beach Florida. See: http://www.digital.net/reflect/home.html.
I had a humorous experience at the Visions Convention this Spring where I was a presenter. Herman Nietzche, who was coordinating presentations, told me Patti was trying to find me but didn't have any idea what I looked like. Herman told Patti, "you just passed him in the hall." We finally met and have a great conversation. I had forgotten she had asked permission to use some of our newsletter material, and I of course welcomed her to use anything she might find useful. I was pleasantly surprised to find near the end of the book all the material and her discussion of Liberated Christians. That may also explain why we seem to be getting more calls to our voicemail from all over the U.S. in the last few months!
Recreational Sex can be ordered from Patti's web site: http://pattithomas.com/ by credit card, or send $19.95 (including $3 shipping) to Connection Magazine, P.O. Box 603549, Cleveland, OH 44103. (Ohio residents have to add 7% sales tax)
Liberated Christians Around The Globe
Since we now have an active "Introduce Yourself" section on our web Cyber Resource Center (www.libchrist.com) we are discontinuing the personal contact ads in the newsletter with the next issue. 90% of our nearly 3000 newsletter subscribers are on the internet. Thousands more visit our web site each month. Therefore, we believe instead of duplicating information for most people in the newsletter, we will just continue it on the web site.
Likewise we have a section for contacting various polyamory and swing groups worldwide. All the groups we have previously listed in the newsletter are included on the Cyber Resource Center.
For those that do not have access to the web but would like a listing in our "Introduce Yourself" section, you can mail me what you wish to say and I (Dave) will see that it is posted.
The following are from those submitting ads since the last newsletter and before we made this change.
From: firstname.lastname@example.org in New Jersey
HI! I'm a MWF, 35, 5'4", 123lbs, that is interested in expanding my circle of friends and lovers. I am a very loving and caring person and have my husband's support and encouragement to explore new relationships with others. I live in Northern New Jersey and am interested in Christian people in this area (from NY to PA) that share the attitude about sexuality as discussed in the Liberated Christians Newsletter. Are you a couple or a group that would like to share some quality time with another friend? I so, I would be interested in hearing from you. Please write to P.O. Box 5646, Clark, NJ 07066. I look forward to meeting you soon!
From: North Carolina
MWC, she 44 and bi, he 39 and straight, spiritually and emotionally and sexually nurturing and caring people seek compatible couples and singles as friends and lovers. We love without limits the only boundaries being no male bisexuality, "real" pain or videos. Prefer to meet those within 100 miles of us. Cathy & Kent, POB 36070, Raleigh NC 27606-6070.
From Bill: email@example.com in Phoenix
I'm a dwm Christian seeking relationships. I'm 5' 10" , slender and 50ish. Nonsmoker and in good health. I believe in open relationships and the principles of Liberated Christians in learning to love more. My focus is on personal, spiritual and sexual growth within an intimate group. I am a leader in poly groups, but do not have a long-term partner. I am open to a long-term relationship with a single Christian woman and am also interested in the possibility of a LTR threesome or moresome.
Age(s) should be under 45. A potential partner(s) should be able to share/support my vision for developing Christian-oriented poly groups and helping Christians overcome sexual repression and the limitations of monogamous relationships. Some travel is possible to create the right relationship(s) and relocation may also be possible. I would also like to correspond with like-minded people anywhere. I can be reached at the above e-mail address or at P.O. Box 39545, Phoenix, AZ 85069.
From firstname.lastname@example.org, in Seattle Area
Ordinary on the outside, unconventional inside, live on an isolated Pacificseashore most of the year and Seattle area. Physically fit, attractive, 40 something, professionals, Christians. Tony is 6' and 170 lbs, broad shoulders, clean shaven. Lynn is 5' 7" blond, sensuous, giving, nice figure. We are still figuring out how to get photos scanned (can anyone help?), and would love to trade and explore together. -- Tony and Lynn email@example.com
From: firstname.lastname@example.org in Oklahoma
Would love to meet other Liberated Christians in NW Oklahoma for fellowship and discussion, especially near Enid. Vern Rossman (405)234-0416.
M/w/cpl - non smokers, looking for compatible couples and singles for friendship and long term relationships, nudists, enjoy hot tubs, xxx movies, fantasies and exploring new experiences. All replies answered. Norm & Karlene, 18631 N 19th Ave #128-172, Phoenix Az, 85027.
From: email@example.com in Phoenix
Dave here! Let me take advantage of this opportunity with my own personal ad seeking women or couples! Women, Do you like to have your body lovingly stroked? Are you looking for tender loving touch not just thrusting sex? How about an Esalen massage - its so nice to be kneaded. I've been professionally trained and many women say I have magic hands to go with my a tender heart. Or, are you interested with someone you trust lovingly massaging your G spot or to hold you while you're on my Sybian machine having a best ever orgasm? I've been a presenter at six national couples conventions in the last three years sharing ideas on loving intimacy and women-centered sensuality yet I don't currently have a relationship myself. I seek either a prime relationship or a number of more casual secondaries. Also enjoy sharing with couples in threesomes, where I can provide the more sensual side. I am not at all bi, but no problem with men in this situation. Very STD and AIDS aware and tested (never had an STD and HIV-). I've passed my mid 40's but most say I look young and I'm certainly young at heart. I'm a professional from a CPA firm background), tall 6-2, 200lbs, nonsmoker, no drugs, don't even drink. I enjoy the natural high from life and people. With single women I avoid the typical dating games but enjoy honest communications, friendship, good wit and humor and sharing loving intimacy. Regardless of your interest, I wish you all the best in love and life.
STD's & AIDS
Update From Lifestyles 97 Convention Speaker
In August, 1997, at the Lifestyles Convention in Palm Springs there was an excellent speaker whose ideas are worth sharing.
Presentation: Update on AIDS & STD's by Norman Scherzer, Ph.D..
Dr. Scherzer is a professor of biology at Essex County College, teaching anatomy, physiology, and pathophysiology as well as being a Visiting Professor at Rutgers University where he teaches Human Sexuality and Human Health and Disease. He was named Outstanding Teacher of the year in 1995 at Rutgers. He has coedited various sexology books, has made many television appearances and has lectured on AIDS at numerous universities, AIDS task forces and national conferences for the last 15 years.
With the current decline in AIDS he is more concerned with other STD's. He also stressed the real risk for heterosexual AIDS is the fact that STD's greatly enhance the risk of transmission if one partner is infected. He showed a comparison chart of worldwide diseases showing AIDS is the 8th largest killer in the world but far below the fraction of deaths from acute respiratory diseases, Diarrhea, and TB.
Steady Decline in U.S., But Could Change
While new AIDS cases are on a steady decline in the U.S. and most Western countries, he is concerned they could increase again, due to the increased cases in the gay population. When AIDS first hit the U.S., it sadly wiped out many gays that were having lots of casual anal sex. Often these were young men enjoying lots of partners. For a number of years new gay cases have declined as those unaffected have been responsible and practice safer sex, often with a smaller number of partners. But now there is a new group of younger gay men reaching puberty that may be less responsible and spike up the number of new AIDS cases.
How Many At Lifestyles Convention Are HIV+?
One person from the audience asked Dr. Scherzer "With about 3000 people at this swing convention, how many do you think are HIV+". His answer, "none or very few". He said he often shows his students a chart of different activities such as swinging, going to prostitutes etc., or the local bar and discussing the relative risk. The bar is by far the most risky for heterosexuals..
Heterosexual Link: Drugs and STD's
HIV transmission in the heterosexual community is primarily associated with drug use. However, there are heterosexual non-drug related cases, with the risk for women much higher than for men. But these cases are usually with people who have other STD's which makes the risk much higher. The reason for the higher risk is easy to explain. When you have any infection, such as an STD, the ... I think I have this medically correct from my notes...certain cells rush to the site of infection to transport the infectious agent to the T4 cell which then send a message to the immune system to send out "killer" lymphocyte cells to attack and destroy the infection. This works very well for most diseases and infections. But with HIV, the virus is sucked into the T4 cells, but the virus cannot be successfully killed but instead actually remains in the T4 cells. What is worse is that the RNA from the AIDS virus actually changes to DNA and splices itself into your own DNA to become part of your DNA. Its the new protese inhibitors that offer the most hope to stop the AIDS virus from being part of the DNA.
That was a long explanation but the point is, any inflammation, and especially an STD, sends cells to the surface of the skin to transport the HIV to the T4 cells where the terrible results occur.
Anal intercourse also is very high risk since there is a very abundant blood supply in that area, making it easy to transfer HIV.
Real Sex Education Needed In the U.S.
Dr. Scherzer is very concerned about the lack of STD education in public schools. In the U.S. we have a 50 times higher STD rate compared to most of Europe where real sex education is taught.
Worldwide AIDS - Cultural Differences Explain
Most cultures where AIDS is rampant is related to different cultural norms. For example, in India AIDS is increasing rapidly. That is linked to the practice of infanticide, where many of the baby girls are killed at birth since they are not valued by the culture. The result is a huge male/female ratio, just like in prisons, where you have almost no females available, and anal sex is often used for sexual pleasure.
In Mexico, there is also lots of anal sex by heterosexuals. Heterosexual males become the active partners in anal intercourse since this is more macho, and gays are the receptors. This is a fast way to spread AIDS, especially to the receptive partner.
n Brazil there is a Portuguese word ... which is best translated to English as "horny pleasure." Due to the very strong Catholic influence girls are taught to become experts at flirting, but being a virgin till marriage is also very important, except for the 10 days of Carnival when the church sort of ignores what is going on and people wear masks and have lots of sex with just about anyone. The rest of the year, you have women skilled in the art of flirting, but they won't have sex. So men go to the large number of transvestites and have anal sex to relieve the sexual frustration from all the flirting women. They become AIDS infected and may pass it on to their wives.
Hepatitis B: A Much More Real Concern To All
Hepatitis B is 100 times more contagious than HIV. Often it is at a subclinical level, with no symptoms but still contagious by saliva and most all body fluids. He strongly recommends everyone should get a Hepatitis B vaccine which consists of an initial shot and two follow-up shots. The cost should be about $150-$160 for the vaccine plus whatever the Dr. charges. But it is well worth it. The vaccine is about 70% effective. If the other 30% contract Hepatitis B, they usually will get a very mild case. Even more dangerous is the Delta strain. But it is usually only a risk if you also have Hepatitis B.
Every women should get a pap smear every 6-12 months. This is vitally important, not only for STD's but for cervical cancer. The good news is that cervical cancer is very slow to grow, taking 8 years before it becomes very dangerous. One woman in the audience said her doctor didn't recommend the test that often since it can irritate or cause an inflammation. Dr. Scherzer didn't agree, saying that if the pap smear is done right its like taking a pencil and lightly stroking the skin. The doctor shouldn't do it hard enough to cause any inflammation concern.
Every woman should also have a speculum and examine herself frequently. Many STD's, yeast infections etc. are easily seen. If you aren't totally "pink" see your doctor. I (Dave) was first introduced to speculums and the beauty of the female vagina many years ago at the Stan Dale workshops, but at that time they were controlled medical supplies that only a physician could obtain. I was thrilled to learn they are now readily available. I asked where, and someone suggested that two of the Bondage supply exhibitors at the convention had them. Yep, I brought home both a metal and plastic version...now just need a woman to learn with. They don't look very vagina-friendly...those big tongs going in....but I'm told they aren't that bad to insert.
Dr. Scherzer highly recommends using Nonoxynol-9 with any sexual activity or toy. It acts as a detergent that kills most viruses and bacterial infections even herpes. It is very effective as long as you don't use too much and cause vaginal irritation which can actually increase the AIDS risk due to inflammation which was the case in one study. In the test tube it instantly kills HIV. But so does just spitting on it. In the body the evidence is not conclusive about its effect on HIV, but its is very effective against most other STD's. He recommends vaginal contraceptive film (VCF) that should be found in most any drug store.
Other Brief Comments:
The female condom is very hard to use since its hard to keep in. You have to hold it tight the entire time while having intercourse. Even a strap on version hasn't worked well.
AIDS risk for oral sex very low unless have open sore and bleeding gums. Dr. Scherzer suggests that you don't brush your teeth immediately before oral sex since this could cause gums to bleed. If you want to see if you have a sore in your mouth use a vinegar and water mouthwash. The vinegar will turn any mouth lesion very white. A physician does the same thing in the vagina, but calls it an acidic asset smear, which sounds more medical.
Never use vaginal deodorants since they double the risk of ovarian cancer. It is not yet understood why this is the case. Don't even use deodorant tampons which often cause yeast infections.
Birth control pills raise the pH of the vagina which makes it less acidic so its harder to kill some STD's and often results in more frequent yeast infections. The natural pH is more acidic which kills off many of these infections. Patches and implants have the same bad reaction.
The window period for HIV (where you can transmit but not be positive on an HIV test) is usually only 3 months. Some sources are saying it can be much longer, but that is rare and usually only if you have a weak immune system. New tests will soon be available with a much shorter window period
DAVE'S NOTES AIDS is defined as various conditions that usually result in a depressed immune system. In some cultures, such as in Africa, these conditions that are now included in the "AIDS" definition have always existed due to poor nutrition etc. HIV is the virus that most medical scientists believe also causes "AIDS". I realize there is a very vocal, but small number of researchers that insist that HIV does not cause AIDS and in fact some of the drugs such as AZT are what is the cause of AIDS. I choose not to get into this debate but concentrate on issue of who is at risk for HIV, which most medical experts believe may be one of the primary causes of AIDS, at least in developed countries.
Non-monogamous people are encouraged to get tested routinely for HIV antibodies *and for other STD's*, and communicate the results to all their partners. STD's and unwanted pregnancy are much more real issues for non iv drug using heterosexuals than HIV. If in doubt about either STD or HIV status, condoms and other safer sex practices should be fully utilized.
Regular Subscribers (the $20/yr hardcopy snailmail type) also are being sent our 12 page extensive updated AIDS/STD report which consolidates the best of the various AIDS articles we have published over the last few years and includes the latest 1996 CDC data showing the continuing decline in new AIDS cases in the U.S. and how it is more and more isolated in known high risk groups. Heterosexual transmission as the only risk continues to be at a very low level.
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In the $30 Package Sent By Regular Mail You Receive Past Newsletter Articles, 1 Year (4 issue) Subscription to future "about quarterly" Newsletter Plus Special Reports Including:
Standing Up And Walking Tall: A Manifesto of Self-Esteem for Christian Poly's and Sexual Freedom, Polyamory and Christianity: The Case For Compatibility: In-depth discussion of biblical theological issues relating to sexuality and alternative sexual lifestyles as a legitimate moral choice.
Responsible Non-Monogamy: with our emphasis on loving intimacy. We show how few cultures historically are monogamous and how sexual pleasure sharing is so much more than intercourse.
HIV-AIDS: The Facts; Not Hysteria - Why Not A Major Issue In Responsible Non-monogamy. Comprehensive study based on data from Centers for Disease Control and studies showing how heterosexual men are clearly acting as a block to its spread.
Breaking Your Barriers To Intimacy discusses religious, cultural and emotional barriers that may prevent enjoyment of wonderful intimacy and has helped many overcome their barriers.
The G-Spot & Female Ejaculation - the excitement of giving pleasure and how few women know about their own sexual responses.
Sybian Report, discussing its use in promoting the "best ever" G-spot, full body, deep orgasms. The Sybian also sensitizes the G-spot or can be useful in sex therapy. Shows how to use Sybian and also retain physical intimacy with partner, including quotes from women users. Also introduces Venus for men, not a penis pump but much more pleasurable.
Tantra & The Tao - The Old Lost Art Of Fulfilling Sexuality discusses how Christian Tantra can so powerfully integrate sexuality, intimacy and spirit using ancient techniques modern sexology is just now discovering. The ideas of Tantra can be taught separately from its Hindu origins.
Women In Polyamory discusses non-possessive lovestyle options and a support network for non-monogamous women.
Nudity is Natural & Wholesome discusses social benefits as well as biblical issues.
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