Liberated Christians
PO Box 32835, Phoenix Az 85064-2835
Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
COPYRIGHTED 1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED
FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN LIBERATED CHRISTIANS, MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND
WE ARE SENT A COPY OF PUBLICATION.
Summer 1997 Newsletter
Released August 7, 1997
COPYRIGHT 1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED FROM ONLY IF CREDIT
IS GIVEN, LIBERATED CHRISTIANS MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND WE ARE SENT A COPY OF
PUBLICATION.
NOTE: In order for all hyperlinks to work from index below, you have to wait until
the ENTIRE newsletter loads. Otherwise if you jump to a link, you interrupt the
transfer and when you return, links below what was loaded will not work. Or you
can RELOAD if that happens. Sorry its so long! But at least mostly text not graphics
to slow loading.
In This Issue....... August 7, 1997
(Page numbers are only for hardcopy snailmail edition)
Summary of Latest News........................1
New Fellowship Groups...........................1
Bill Joins Delaware Valley Synergy.......2
Southern California Liberated Christians......3
Lifestyles Convention 97 Big Report...3
Love, Sex and Jesus...................................5
The Road Of Life.......................................7
Teen Sex Is Not A Catastrophe...............8
"Family Values" & Sexual Health........10
Push to Abstain Doesn't Lower Teen Sex.....16
British Sex Education Debate.................16
The Truth About Bible Translations......16
San Francisco May License "Sex Clubs"..17
Monogamy Does Not Equal Committment..18
European Liaisons vs American Cheating....18
Oral Sex A Crime Unless Foreplay in Singapore.18
Your Letters & E-mail..............................19
One of Life's Treasures...............................21
15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Bride......21
A Guide to Great Oral Sex.........................21
Condoms Demystified................................25
Padded Condoms-If Gals Designed Condoms.25
Book Review: Recreational Sex, Patti Thomas..26
Liberated Christians Around the World-Ads..26
Report At End: STD's & AIDS
Update From Lifestyles 97 Convention Speaker
Our E-mail addresses:
Dave : dave@davephx.com
Bill Paris: bill@libchrist.com
Summary of Latest News
Our new Liberated Christians Resource Center (www.libchrist.com) has been very successful.
This took a great deal of work to get up but has consistently had 100-200 different
visitors a day since opening and peaked at 400-500/day when first announced. The
"Introduce Yourself" section is active and the Guest Book is filled with
very positive comments about the site. Peri, who has substantial counseling experience,
hosts an interactive "Ask Peri" section dealing with "Women's Concerns,"
whether of a spiritual, psychological, emotional, practical or physical nature.
Eric (Peri's husband) is going to do the same on a Men's Concerns section. What
is interesting is the large number of people that stay 1 or 2 hours looking at the
various pages. We are tracking which sections generate the most interest. Many other
sites have now linked to us and we are one of the more active sites on both the
"swing circle" and the "poly circle" links. The result is also
a great deal of E-mail to answer, helping people with questions or concerns.
Lots of good things have happened on the East Coast and it appears that the Southern
California Fellowship Group will be very successful as a Christian polyamory fellowship
group. We will share more details later in this newsletter.
In the Phoenix Group, we had a very good Sex, Love and Intimacy workshop intro at
Dave's in March, as well as a later massage group that filled the home of Georg.
Many thanks to Georg and Janet for all their work that resulted in a great evening
of massage.
The Communications & intimacy meeting hosted by Ray and Carol, with leadership
of Peri/Eric, was so effective I have used some of the ideas in my convention presentations
and on our web site. In a packed living room we had 4 hours of very meaningful discussion
and interaction.
The Phoenix group is now on break for the hot Phoenix summer. A Steering Committee
just met and we have new host couples and lots of ideas for expanded activities.
Our first Fall introductory meetings will be on the third and fourth Sunday in September.
We are going to try and run more intros with only about 20 new people at a time,
instead of larger intros which we have had in the past.
Dave met lots of wonderful people at the Florida Reflections and Visions conventions
where he spoke. One experience I (Dave) especially enjoyed was at the Reflections
Convention. They had the usual "orgy" room where lots of sucking, groping,
and fucking was going. But Nancy and I hosted more of a "soft orgy room".
I've used Nancy, founder of Anakosha and for many years Sensitivity Seminar teacher,
as an example of a swing club owner interested in more intimacy. Yes, great sex
occurred, but we also enjoyed the much more intimate aspects of sensuality/sexuality.
At the Visions convention one of our great Phoenix host couples also did a presentation
on the joy of older couples in swinging. A review of the convention said it well:
"Speaking of energy? How about John & Carmen from Phoenix, AZ? WOW! Both
in their seventies, they have more energy than most in their forties! If you didn't
get a chance to meet them, I'm sure you at least saw them (they did some great entertainment
with their sexy dancing at the ball). When I look at John and Carmen I get renewed
belief in the laws of Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness...forever."
NEW FELLOWSHIP GROUPS
As announced in our last newsletter, we had hoped to start a fellowship group on
the east coast, focusing on the Tri-State area of Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New
York.
Bill discussed this idea through the Spring with several folks who had been supporters
of Liberated Christians for some time. After the announcement about the group in
the January issue of the newsletter, several other couples responded indicating
their interest in such a group.
After a period of specific planning and anticipation by a number of potential members,
it became apparent that the essential local area leadership to make the group viable
was not materializing.
Plans for this group have thus been put on indefinite hold.
Bill continues to maintain a file of persons interested in starting new groups in
many parts of the country, including the target area for the east coast effort.
A group may be possible in that area eventually or in other areas as enough people
appear in those areas to make efforts at forming groups worthwhile.
Bill has turned his attention to the formation of a group in Southern California,
the third meeting of which will take place on August 9. (See separate report on
this group elsewhere in this issue.)
What is critical for the formation of these groups is the ability and willingness
of local people to help organize and lead them. Bill and Dave are always willing
to help such groups with ideas, materials and encouragement. Bill may be available
in the future to help launch such groups, as he had planned to do on the east coast,
but obviously cannot be present on an ongoing basis to provide leadership. This
has been possible with the Southern California group because of its proximity to
Phoenix. Even there, however, it is hoped that other leadership will emerge in partnership
with Bill or eventually as his replacement.
We encourage those interested in groups in their areas to continue to contact us.
We can't offer immediate hope, but it may be possible to at least help people in
the same area to network with one another.
To indicate your interest in a group or to discuss the group idea, please contact
Bill by e-mail at: bill@libchrist.com or write: Liberated Christians, P.O. Box
32835, Phoenix, AZ 85064-2835.
BILL JOINS DELAWARE VALLEY SYNERGY
In June Bill travelled to Philadelphia and the Camden, New Jersey, area to become
a member of Delaware Valley Synergy, probably the largest social and support organization
for polyamorous people in the United States.
Delaware Valley Synergy was formed in 1975 and has now grown to nearly 300 members.
Its inquirers' pamphlet describes Synergy as "a group of friends and acquaintances
who believe in and/or practice open, nonexclusive relationships. We find the traditional
roles of men and women in marriage, dating, and relationships too limiting to our
personal growth."
It continues: "Delaware Valley Synergy (DVS) is an organization concerned with
the application of humanistic values to relationships. It helps members become aware
of the possibilities life holds for each of us.
DVS continues to offer a supportive and encouraging environment for experiential
approaches to relationships. DVS can be described as an intimate friendship network,
defined as a group of individuals, not necessarily living together, with a common
bond of caring, sharing and a commitment to humanistic values. It may or may not
include sexual intimacy."
While Synergy is a non-religious organization, Bill has no conflict with the "humanistic
values" it supports, which include respect, honesty, trust, and acceptance.
Synergy conducts rap groups for singles and couples, workshops on important lifestyle
topics and sponsors a variety of social events, including permissive parties where
sexual activity is accepted but is respectfully and safely managed.
Bill has had friends in this organization for some time and last April was asked
to give a talk on a Christian approach to polyamory for a Synergy discussion group.
About 25 people attended this gathering and Bill was greatly impressed by the welcome
he received and the intelligent and perceptive feedback that was generated during
the discussion.
At that time there were plans being made to create a Liberated Christians fellowship
group in the same area. However, those plans were put on hold a few weeks later.
(See separate report on Fellowship Groups elsewhere in this issue.)
Bill returned home from the April Synergy experience with a real longing to be a
part of such an active, with it group of people.
Bill gives several reasons for his decision to join Synergy. He wanted to be part
of a poly group that had an active and varied program. He wanted to be part of a
group that he didn't have to lead, in which he could be just one of the gang and
have fun. He wanted to take ideas from such a successful group that could be used
in Liberated Christians groups in Phoenix and in groups that might be started elsewhere.
Because of his unique geographical situation, some discussion took place to determine
if Bill would be able to meet the membership requirements.
Thanks to efforts by Bergen (Membership Vice President), Katie (Steering Committee
Member at Large) and Synergy member David (a special friend), this was worked out.
Through interacting with some of the leadership of Synergy and observing the way
in which this group functions, it is obvious that much of the group's success is
due to a dynamic, forward- looking leadership.
Bill also attended his first function as a member, which was a permissive party
at Katie and Dick's home in the Camden area where he made a number of new friends.
His other comment on this event: WOW.
Even before the demise of the Eastern Group, Bill had referred several of our contacts
in the area to Synergy. One couple joined several months ago and another joined
the same evening that Bill attended his orientation in June.
Liberated Christians enthusiastically recommends this group to folks living in the
Tri-State area of New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey as well as to those in Delaware,
Maryland and the Washington, DC, areas.
LIBERATED CHRISTIANS IN SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA:
A Report by Bill Paris
On Saturday, July 5, a group of enthusiastic people met for a great evening of food,
fun and fellowship at the home of John and Nancy in Oceanside. We have been referring
to this group as the "Los Angeles area group," but since it has so far
drawn people from as far east as Highland and as far south as Oceanside, perhaps
it should be referred to as the "Southern California group."
While the immediate L.A. area people will not acknowledge Oceanside as legitimately
in the "L.A. area," they were quite happy to take John and Nancy up on
their offer of hospitality at the first meeting on June 1 when they described what
their home had to offer.
We gratefully acknowledge John and Nancy's hospitality and found that their house,
patio and especially their hot tub contributed greatly to the success of the evening.
We shared good food, a biblical discussion about love, a lot of personal thoughts
about why we are seeking this kind of fellowship and a very crowded and very hot
hot tub. Since I had carelessly acquired a sunburn at the beach earlier in the day,
I exited the tub early and made a little more room for those who could stand the
heat.
For me personally, the special part of the evening came in the personal sharing
time that came after the biblical presentation which highlighted the teachings on
love from the little Epistle of 1 John. During this sharing time, one of the women
said: "I feel like I'm in church, but this is what church ought to be like."
I believe she was referring not only to what I shared, but to the warmth of fellowship
and loving that was obviously developing in the group, even though it was only our
second meeting.
Others, too, shared that this kind of fellowship among those of like mind in sexual
and relationship matters was very important to them.
In the future we will be discussing many issues of spirituality and matters applying
to polyamorous relationships. We hope the group will become a "family"
of like-minded folks who will truly come to love and care for one another even as
they grow in their knowledge and commitments regarding sexuality, spirituality and
creative relationships.
The next meeting of this group will be on Saturday, August 9, in Long Beach. We
welcome other interested couples and single women and ask that you contact me, Bill
Paris, at my e-mail address (bill@libchrist.com), or by writing: Liberated Christians, P.O. Box 32835, Phoenix, AZ 85064-2835.
Single men may also inquire, but we have not yet developed a policy regarding their
admission to the group.
"Why don't southern baptists make love standing
up?
Because people might think they were dancing."
LIFESTYLES 97 Report
Dave's Presentation
Massage Evening Shut Down by ABC Pressure
Erotic Art Show Required Federal Restraining Order
I just returned from Lifestyles 97. The convention was outstanding as usual and
I will report on some of the great presentations elsewhere. My presentation "Swing
without Guilt or Jealousy" was used in the Palm Springs paper for its sensationalism
as it reported daily first about the legal problems with the Erotic Art Show and
one day with the headline "Sex Convention attracts 3000 - Event expected to
bring $1.6 million to Palm Springs area". I was very pleasantly surprised my
presentation had almost a full room, even though I was on at the same time as Nina
Hartley, the porn star's "Recipes For A Successful Orgy," as well as a
panel on Female Ejaculation and three other good topics all at the same time. I
guess lots of people also wanted to hear about guilt and jealousy! Most of the presentations
are also available immediately after they are given by audio tape. I got tapes of
many of the sessions I couldn't attend (can't be in five places in eight different
time slots at the same time). The tape person told me my presentation was one of
the most frequently requested. This seems to show how much interest there is in
the issue of guilt and jealousy even at swing conventions. I will share the text
of my presentation in a later newsletter. The tape of Dave's presentation (not including
some great audience discussion at the end), is available for about $10 from On-Site
taping Services at 818-991-8084.
"Pursuit of Happiness" TV Documentary
I did a taping for a television documentary about the Lifestyle. The title will
be "Pursuit of Happiness" which is a quote from the Preamble of the U.S.
Constitution. It is being directed by David Schisgall, a former producer for ABC's
Turning Point. David was excellent working with my having little experience being
on television. The documentary will be very positive about the lifestyle and has
the endorsement of Robert McGinley and the Lifestyles Organization. This is the
first television interview I've done and was surprisingly very comfortable with
it and pleased with the results. Carmen and John, a "wild, zany, sexy and horny"
couple in their 70's from our Phoenix group were also in the production along with
many others from the Lifestyle. Carmen even got news coverage on Palm Springs Television
...but that wasn't John she had her arm around in the interview! Carmen and John
also had a great turnout to their presentation "Keeping the Gusto in Your Sex
Life!
The Right Wing Bullies at the California ABC
The California ABC (Alcohol and Beverage Commission) is running wild trying to force
conservative agendas and was recently featured in the Wall Street Journal for its
acts. They received funding for 200 new enforcement officers. They have been noted
for targeting gay and Latino bars in California and unfairly selectively enforcing
certain rules on these groups.
Obviously there is no underaged drinking at a Lifestyles convention, since no minors
are allowed to attend in the first place. HOWEVER, the ABC rules have to be followed
in any establishment that holds a liquor license, even for events where no alcohol
is served (such as Erotic Art Show)
Restraining Order Needed To Hold Erotic Art Show
Lifestyles had to get a restraining order in Federal Court against the State ABC,
which had threatened to yank the liquor license of the Palm Springs Convention Center
if it allowed the display of erotic art.
The Desert Sun, the main Palm Springs daily newspaper, did a feature article on
its invitation to three local artists to review the exhibit. In an article, "Desert
Sun panel rates erotic art 'A' not 'XXX,' it quotes the favorable comments of the
art critics who were surprised at the good quality and diversity of the exhibit
and rated it very high.
Evening Of Caressive Intimacy Cancelled
The day of this popular massage evening, the Wyndham Hotel Management cancelled
Lifestyles contract for the ball room where the event was to be held. They didn't
want to risk their liquor license. The Palm Springs Convention Center, under different
management and with at least the Federal Court restraining order against the ABC
related to the Erotic Art Show, did allow the dances and balls in their ballrooms.
ABC Regs Allegedly Enforced Selectively
The problem with the ABC regulations is that they are based on a hodgepoge of many
laws, sometimes conflicting that go back to the end of prohibition days. The rules
are extremely restrictive and broad. They clearly is no nudity allowed in any establishment
that has a liquor license and other provision that would be simply silly if really
enforced. The problem is SELECTIVE enforcement of these old prohibition day rules
against groups that don't fit the ultra conservative right agenda of those that
are providing funding and influence. The law itself needs a total rewrite but this
has not been a major issue for the California legislators when "common sense"
prevailed in enforcement. Nudity for example, is clearly not illegal. No minors
are allowed and there is no drinking allowed in the great massage workshop for couples
only.
Lifestyles has its own security team that guards the doors of all events to be sure
no one gets in without proper convention tags. I recall seeing the fast reaction
in San Diego two years ago, when a couple of teenage boys tried to get into the
Exhibit Hall. When they pushed passed door guards, a radio call went out and many
security people came running and dragged them out before they even got to see any
exhibitor. I heard they were turned over to the San Diego Police and charged with
trespassing. That is how seriously Lifestyles takes security and keeping out anyone
not registered properly.
California ABC will be undergoing legislative audit
Some California Legislatures feel the ABC has gone too far and voted for an audit.
The California Legislative subcommittee overseeing the ABC voted something like
11-2 to require the ABC to submit to an audit of its activities. Based on the Lifestyles'
attorney's discussion I attended, it appears there now is broad-based support from
both Democrats and Republicans to seriously look at whom the ABC is targeting and
why. But this will take some time.
A Few People Can Spoil the Event For 3000
Sadly, one of the problems with the convention is that you may have just one or
two people that to break the convention rules and endanger the entire convention.
Very clear in the convention material is the absolute rule about any sex in any
public area of the hotels or convention center. That is illegal and people should
know better.
Last year the ABC did suspend the liquor license of the Town & Country Hotel
in San Diego for five days after two ABC officers allegedly saw several couples
engaging in oral sex in the convention hall part of the hotel. Lifestyles President
Robert McGinley said those allegations were not made until a month after the convention
and he considers the statements slanderous. Unlike in a criminal matter, no proof
is needed, just the statements by the ABC officers. In my view it is very possible
some idiots would do such a thing. But they should be arrested and charged with
a crime, not have the hotel's liquor license suspended when it had nothing to do
with alcohol. As Robert McGinley has said, if sex does take place in public areas,
he would be the last person to try and bail them out or help them. They should be
arrested, but as a police matter, not with ABC action.
Where Will The Lifestyle Convention Go?
Many people think the convention should be moved out of California to avoid the
ABC harassment. But Robert McGinley, head of TLO, seems to want to stay and fight.
The convention was held in Las Vegas for awhile, but we didn't gamble or drink enough
to make the hotel/casinos much money! Las Vegas is also now trying to promote "family
values". With all the emphasis on children's values and family values, when
can "adult values" also get equal treatment?!
The convention is also limited to cities with large convention centers with at least
1000 hotel rooms within the immediate area. That eliminates many options. Visions,
a much smaller convention in Florida, was held in a hotel on Florida Indian Land
just outside Tampa. We had the Indian Police protecting us with no problems. But
there just aren't enough hotels large enough for a convention that draws about 3000
people annually. Phoenix is building some new large convention hotels, and the convention
center is large enough! How about it, Phoenix? Are we ready for Lifestyles?
LOVE, SEX AND JESUS
by Bill Paris
People from an amazing variety of backgrounds and spiritual perspectives respond
to Liberated Christians. Three types of reactions stand out in my mind.
One is from Christians who are overjoyed to read of our ideas which promote responsible
sexual liberty and expanded relationships. They have been thinking about these things
for years, often never had the courage to explore them practically and didn't know
that there were other Christians who are integrating such ideas and experiences
into their spiritual lives.
Another response is from the folk who cannot accept any view that does not conform
to the conventional wisdom of traditional Christianity, a wisdom which represses
virtually all thinking and expressing of our sexuality. To them we are heretics
at best and infidels at worst who are leading people astray.
A third group consists of those who do not consider themselves Christians at all,
but who applaud us for speaking out on these issues. Frequently, these people have
a hard time believing that Christians can actually believe and practice what we
do.
One person in this last group is a publisher of a newsletter on nudism and sexuality
who is extremely anti-Christian, but who very much likes many of our ideas about
sexuality and relationships. As a matter of fact, we like many of his ideas in the
same realm. Actually, it was an article he wrote many years ago in a nudist publication
that first opened my mind to the idea of multiple intimate relationships. Yet, his
understanding of Christianity is so narrow and traditional that, for him, Christianity
BY DEFINITION MUST BE ANTI-SEXUAL. Because of this he is so unable to comprehend
our integration of faith and sex-positive views, that he has even suggested that
we are not Christian at all! To him Christians CANNOT be free in their sexuality;
so it follows in his logic that anyone who is sex-positive cannot be Christian.
Well, I hate to disappoint hi but Christians can indeed be free in their sexuality
and in exploring expanded relationships.
How is such freedom possible?
There are various facets to this issue and many articles have appeared in our newsletters
over the years dealing with various biblical and theological ideas relating to this
subject. In them we have pointed out the misunderstanding of sexuality and intimate
relationships by traditional Christianity and have suggested correctives to these
views. Among other subjects, we have dealt with the incorrect interpretation or
translation of Scripture regarding adultery, pre-marital sex, monogamy and marriage.
It is not these on which I wish to focus in this article, however. What I want to
do is to show that true, guilt-free sexual and relationship freedom is possible
because of LOVE. Well, what kind of love? A romantic kind of love that causes the
heart and hormones to soar to incredible heights (and sometimes nose dive to incredible
depths of disappointment)? This kind of love is valid and very beautiful, although
it can also often be shallow, short-lived and the product of fantasy rather than
reality (don't we know it?!).
No, I am speaking here of the kind of the love that can only come from the God whom
the Bible says loves the world through Christ. It is this love that releases us
from the bondage of our alienation from God (basically what the Bible calls "sin"),
also releases us from bondage to moralistic religious or humanistic rules and regulations,
restores us to fellowship with God and implants love in our hearts as the only effective
means of building healthy relationships.
The little New Testament book of 1 John is rich with its discussion of this kind
of love. Here is some of what John says:
"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren.
He who does not love abides in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer,
and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love,
that he (Christ) laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for
the brethren." (1 John 3:14-16)
"Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is
born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love."
(4:7-8)
" Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man has
ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected
in us." (4:11-12)
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to
do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because
he first loved us." (4:18-19)
It is also this kind of giving, sacrificing, unselfish love of which the Apostle
Paul writes in the famous passage in 1 Corinthians 13. He says that even faith is
not as great as love. In fact, if we do not have love, we are "nothing."
He says: "love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is
not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or
resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong; but rejoices in the right. Love bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor.
13:4-7) He also says that "love never ends."
What a recipe these principles are for success in expanded relationships! How much
we need to understand these in order to love others without jealousy, envy or pride.
If the Christian church operated consistently on this model of love in terms of
ALL relationships and if it could understand the application of this love to sexual
relationships, I believe that the world would be much more truly Christian than
it is. There would also be no reason for people in the poly lifestyles to avoid
the church because of its constant preaching of guilt and condemnation for their
kind of sexual/emotional choices.
Why has Christianity not lived consistently by this model of love? Why has it continually
adulterated and compromised this kind of love by appealing to Old Testament regulations
that were applicable only to the Hebrews in their pre-Christ situation? Why has
the church created the mass of "Christian" rules that have no basis in
Scripture and yet have become the traditions by which Christians define moral behavior?
Christianity has most often subscribed to the "Yes, but" view of love.
The view goes something like this: "Well, yes, Jesus certainly taught us that
love is the greatest thing, but how do we know what love is unless we have a list
of loving acts?" There is just enough truth in this argument to deceive us.
As a practical matter, it is fine to define and describe some attitudes and behavior
that are loving--or unloving. The apostle Paul does just that in 1 Cor. 13 ("Love
is kind..., is not boastful..., bears all things," etc.). And he could have
added many more items to this list. But these, along with the many other exhortations
towards loving behavior and attitudes in the New Testament, are only EXAMPLES to
help us get the idea of how loving people live. Paul's intention is not to give
us a list of rules, but to help us see what love is in practical terms and to encourage
us to be dependent on God to work out love in similar ways in our lives. Yet, how
quickly we turn such examples into rules which we then use to judge ourselves and
others!
Recently I shared some of these words from I John and the principles they support
with the folks in the new Liberated Christians fellowship group in California. During
the discussion time that followed, one of the women, who, like many others in the
group, had pretty much left traditional, moralistic Christianity far behind, said:
"I feel like I'm in church, but this is the way church ought to be." I
believe she was referring not only to what I had shared, but to the warmth of fellowship
and loving that is evident in that group, even though it has only met twice.
All of us, whether we acknowledge it or not, need spiritual foundations in our lives.
It is often remarked that the overwhelming intensity of our sexual experiences has
a spiritual quality to it. I believe that is true. If it is, then here is the clearest
justification for connecting or reconnecting our sexuality with our spirituality,
something that has been denied to many of us by traditional Christian teaching.
But the focus in this effort should be to renew or restore our connection with the
God who offers the love which makes good relationships possible.
If we do not have this foundation, what we may teach or learn about sexuality or
poly ideas will have very limited value in our lives. But with this foundation I
believe we can do far more in these important areas, creating lasting loving relationships
that possess a spiritual quality that will be the envy of others, even those whose
traditional religious beliefs do not allow for such relationships.
Returning to the thoughts at the beginning of this article, to the Christians who
feel they have found some sort of treasure in finding the ideas of Liberated Christians,
I would say: exercise the faith God has given you to find your way in the challenges
of reconnecting your sexuality and your spirituality. It will be a struggle, but
don't give it up. There are many like you. We wish we could connect everyone with
others of like mind in your areas. That is not always possible, but the unlimited
resources of the Internet are at your disposal and through those you can find friends
and soulmates to accompany you on your journey. Dave and I are always available
to listen and share what we know and refer you to others with wisdom and ideas.
To those Christian brothers and sisters who cannot accept our ideas and feel that
we have strayed from the "narrow path," I would say: If you are truly
happy in your restrictive views of love, sexuality and relationships, pursue them
for all you're worth. But frankly, I doubt that you are happy. The vindictive opposition
of some of you to our ideas reveals very unloving attitudes which are hardly Christian
in their origin and betrays the fact that you, too, have in fact toyed with "forbidden"
desires and ideas, but your allegiance to a moralistic Christianity has thus far
prevented you from owning these desires, confronting them honestly and coming to
spiritual terms with them. Beware of living the rest of your lives with your true
sexual natures hidden in the darkness.
To those who are not Christians, but who find in Liberated Christians a refreshing
approach to sexuality and relationships, an approach you have never detected in
institutional Christianity, I would say: Institutional Christianity has strayed
far from the true faith of Christ, the faith of the earliest church, in many ways.
In that straying it has severely compromised the freedom that Christ came to bring
those who believe in him. Look not to the church but to the Christ of the Scriptures
and find in him the restoration to fellowship with God, a fellowship which can liberate
you in your sexuality and relationships.
Bill's Articles In Our Special Christian Poly Issue
Brought Positive Press Even from Sex Magazines!
Climax Times said:
"The current issue of America's Horniest People presents the first installment
of an important article by Bill Paris of Liberated Christians which takes an insightful
look at the apparent contradictions between the enjoyment and acknowledgement of
our God-given sexuality and the negative church positions on many areas such as
sexuality and sexual relations. It's a must read article where Paris, with scholarship,
insight and humor, presents the facts which should alleviate any guilt feelings
anyone may have about their sexuality. It should be read by all Christians and non-Christians
alike." Note: Both these publications frequently reprint our articles with
our permission.
THE ROAD OF LIFE
Author unknown (thanks to Peri for passing it on)
At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did
wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there
sort of like a President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't
know Him.
But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike
ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping
me pedal. I don't know when it was that He suggested we change places, but life
has not been the same since.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable...It was
the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful
long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, and it was
all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed
and didn't answer, and I started to trust.
I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm
scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and
joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine. And we were off
again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight."
So I did, to the people I met, and I found that in giving I received, and still
our burden was light.
I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but
He knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning
to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion,
Jesus Christ.
And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says..."Pedal."
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to
hear him, is he still wrong?
Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an
endangered plant?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when
you transport something by ship its cargo?
TWO SIGNIFICANT ARTICLES FOLLOW ON HEALTHY SEXUAL
DEVELOPMENT FOR CHILDREN, HOW IT IS THREATENED BY RELIGIOUS AND POLITICAL BIAS AND
WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
We strongly recommend that our readers consider the serious points made by the following
authors in terms of raising sexually healthy children and what the practical danger
is to children's health by the tradition of religious repression of sexuality and
the modern political threat being mounted by the Religious Right. For a specifically
Christian approach to these issues, we recommend Bill Paris special report, The
Cult of Childhood and the Repression of Childhood Sexuality. This report is available
in print from Liberated Christians and is on our web site.
In a later newsletter we would like to follow up on these articles with responses
from our readers. Thus, we encourage readers to interact with us and with Randal
Blackburn regarding the issues in his article. You may reach us at our snail and
e-mail addresses on the masthead of this newsletter and Randal at: Blckburn@gte.net
We would appreciate copies of your notes to Randal.
TEEN SEX IS NOT A CATASTROPHE
BUT A GLOBAL FAMILY PROBLEM
by Doug Couch
I appreciate Victoria Weinstein's article in November/December (1995) "World"
magazine, "Not for God's Sake: Secularizing Teen Abstinence," where she
voiced much clear thinking about the Southern Baptist Convention's "True Love
Waits" campaign. I would like to carry the banner a few steps further. It is
very often the case that teenagers like sexual foreplay and intercourse. Oddly enough,
they are rarely prepared mentally, emotionally or financially for the wonderful
blessings that arise along with their pubescent rejoicing. When so-called lesser
species all over the planet are capable of preparing their young for a much more
rigorous survival strategy and environment, it becomes at least plausible that something
unnatural is intervening or preventing teenagers from arriving at the necessary
maturity. It would seem there are a number of things we could do to help our children
reach a natural maturity.
The first thing we can do: REALIZE THAT THERE IS A NEED TO FAVOR NATURE'S COURSE
OVER OUR TRADITIONS
We speak highly of nature, then denounce what humankind does, as less than that
universal standard. We often fail to notice that we are part of nature's rhythm.
We could benefit by objectively observing what other species do. It is not that
we should necessarily do as the birds or foxes, for we are human; but we should
observe their lack of concern about sexual morals or whether anyone is observing
their sexual acts. We should notice their trust that tomorrow will feed them and
continue their lives and the lives of their offspring. Morals, specifically sexual
taboos and guidelines, have been set up to habitualize and even coerce certain sexual
patterns: Grow up; then have sex. Be in love; then have sex. Obtain partner commitment;
then have sex. Get married; then have sex. Promulgating these notions continues
the attempts to adapt natural human sexual behavior to fit the lifestyle patterns
that (western) society has chosen to follow. Apparently, we do this out of fear,
without regard for the fact that repressing these natural urges is not healthy.
When a child is born, we assist its birth. Since children have been observed masturbating
before birth (Boys and Sex, 3rd ed., 1991, Wardell Pomeroy, Ph.D., p.32) we should
realize sex is an important instinct and prepare our children for healthy, nonrepressed
attitudes as they grow into adult sexual beings. When children are ready to see
and hear and speak and crawl and walk, we are right there to guide and comfort them.
Why then, do we fail so miserably when it comes to support and guidance in sexual
matters? Why aren't we as joyful and enthusiastic as when they take their first
step? The answer is easy: We have not been taught and we are too repressed, uneducated
and frightened. Many of us learned whatever we know about sex through adolescent
experimentation or marriage as a first encounter.
The second thing we can do: REALIZE THAT IT'S OKAY TO LET GO OF OUR FEARS ABOUT
SEXUAL PROBLEM AREAS; THE ANSWERS CAN BE FOUND.
Society is the collage of patterns of behavior set up and enforced by groups of
people that are afraid to trust nature, God or themselves without artificially synthesized
taboos, morals, tenets of faith and laws as stage props to guide them. So, what
do we fear?
We fear that children will be born to parents who are not mentally, emotionally
or financially prepared to care for them. We fear that society will not assist in
caring for them.
Careful examination of that fearful approach to teen sex reveals what the real problem
is: The almost total lack of "response ability" of adult society to prepare
youth for the inevitable progression of their sexual instinct that has been arising
as the major component in their lives from before birth! It is ironic that parents
try so hard to make sure that their offspring don't "grow up too fast,"
filling their heads with goofy play, cartoons and ultimately meaningless, smiling
facades in lieu of seriously needed guidance. When their children reach puberty
and have strong feelings and instinctive behavior, parents wonder why their children
can't cope responsibly. Not having learned how to help, they impose synthesized
rules, morals, guilt trips and catchy phrases like "True Love Waits,"
to fill a void in education and understanding, as though that will prevent pregnancies.
The third thing we can do: REALIZE THAT CHILDREN DO KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM TO
A POINT. FOLLOW CHILDREN'S LEAD TO DISCOVER WHEN THEY ARE READY TO LEARN. GUIDE
AND ENCOURAGE THEIR SEXUAL BEHAVIOR.
The "age of puberty" set by nature was not a mistake. If society enhanced,
rather than squashed, natural learning processes, it might become typical for youth
to be mentally and emotionally ready when their bodies were ready. If we stopped
hindering the natural process and making "coming of age" a mere ritual,
perhaps we would no longer need to fret over the problems this creates. If children
mature naturally to the age of puberty, perhaps they will face less problems. Although
we may not currently know how, it is yet our responsibility to ensure they are fully
ready by that age and quit putting it off until they are in their teens or twenties!
We might prefer that they not be sexually active at twelve or before; but, experience
and statistics show that they often are. If they are, have we done all we can to
lead them into understanding and responsibility before then? We cannot change their
instinctual growth urges. However, instead of interfering with those urges, we can
offer encouragement and guidance. All species have an age of puberty at which they
typically become sexually active. During those critical formative years between
birth and puberty, if children have been sexually uneducated, unsupported, misunderstood
and repressed, problems arise. At that point, it does not matter whether or not
parents or society feel they had good, practical reasons for this lack.
The fourth thing we can do: STOP SIMPLY "GOING WITH THE FLOW," AND MAKE
A CONCENTRATED EFFORT TO ENSURE THAT TEENS ARE MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND EXPERIENTIALLY
READY FOR PUBERTY AS EARLY AS THEY INDICATE IT IS NEEDED.
I wonder if there is a master plan in action when children become fascinated and
often involved with sex at a very young age.....at a time when pregnancy among them
is not an issue? These youngsters are taking some very good advice: "Take no
thought for tomorrow." Adults, on the other hand, out of fear, embarrassment
or a misplaced sense of duty, immediately squash youngsters' innocent curiosity
and intense pleasure. Can no one remember how embarrassing, confusing and frustrating
it was to be stopped from that natural activity? This is a time when parents could
be taking advantage of these precious years and children's natural behavior to teach
wholesome attitudes such as not being sexually abusive, obsessive or possessive,
and being okay with integrating sexual feelings toward either gender. This is a
time when children could be learning intellectually, emotionally and experientially
how to integrate their sexual feelings into their overall understanding of the world
and how they are beginning to fit into society. In short, they could be learning
to become sexually responsible instead of sexually repressed and frightened.
The fifth thing we can do: REALIZE THAT SEX IS AT THE CORE OF HUMAN THOUGHT, FEELINGS
AND BEHAVIOR. AS SUCH, THE MOST CARING, NATURAL GUIDANCE IS NECESSARY.
(Footnote in Weinstein's original article: This is a very key point. Many species
allow sexual exploration during this period. Some even use it to experientially
teach sex to their young, presumably as a priority to successfully continue their
species (whales are an example).) Because many of our warmest loving feelings were
from nurturing and romance, we teach our children that these feelings are more important
than sex. Does the wide acceptance of this teaching make it so? Or, does the fact
speak louder that pregnancy finds many teens facing painful, frightening circumstances,
so devastating that some attempt suicide? Could it be that we do not fully understand
what love is and we are passing that incompleteness on to our children? (I will
say here that one of the things you could say about love is that it involves trusting
the flow and the process, instead of fearfully and "intelligently" planning
for a difficult future.) Consider this silly example:
SITUATION ONE: The world has all the romance and nurturing possible without sex
for the next 150 years. One hundred fifty years from now, there is no world in which
to be romantic and nurturing.
SITUATION TWO: The world has all the sex possible without romance and nurturing
for the next 150 years. One hundred fifty years from now, the world is still here;
but it is not very happy or caring.
Even though this is a silly example, it does point out the absolute need to understand
the priority sex demands of us. Sex must be recognized as equally important to romance
and nurturing, in order for the corresponding aspects of human personality to integrate
and balance.
The sixth thing we can do: DEVELOP AGREEMENTS BETWEEN THE ADULTS IN THE SEPARATE
HOUSEHOLDS OF YOUR EXTENDED FAMILIES ON BOTH SIDES...THAT THEY WILL AID YOU IN GIVING
MEANINGFUL SUPPORT TO YOUR CHILDREN'S OFFSPRING AS LONG AS NEEDED...AND OFFER THE
SAME.
Many species live communally and, when young females among them become pubescent,
it is natural that they also become pregnant; and it is not a "catastrophe."
Often, the community of adults, whether parents or not, assist in care of the infants
and adolescents; and adults who might harm the young are warded off. Many people
today do not live communally and, even though we may not particularly want to share
all things and live as one happy family, there are some aspects of communal living
that may be healthy to maintain, even in smaller, nuclear units.
Living communally does not require as much expense per person as living in smaller
households. Not having to face as overwhelming factors or expense or external power
can help provide a less fearful environment for young (teen) couples with children.
In that climate, they can continue their learning process as a positive experience
instead of a constant struggle complicated by feelings of abandonment. This is not
merely an exercise in welfare. It is restructuring families and society into a level
of interdependence that prepares for and supports nature-determined pubescent behavior.
Then, teen sex, along with its unavoidable consequences, is welcomed instead of
feared or punished.
The seventh thing we can do: WORKING WITH YOUR EXTENDED FAMILIES, PROVIDE EARLY
TRAINING IN INCOME EARNING ACTIVITIES THAT TEACH A MARKETABLE SKILL AND MONEY MANAGEMENT
SKILLS BEFORE PUBERTY.
(Footnote from original: This is so critical to our children's futures; it is difficult
to believe that we are leaving it to public schools and, basically, washing our
hands.) Not that many years ago, the majority of families in the United States owned
their own home along with its furnishings, owned their own transportation, and owned
their own business along with its assets. Families traditionally trained their children
to do the family business. Children were at least afforded the opportunity to become
accustomed to the regular responsibility of work and the opportunity to learn a
trade before adulthood. Now, there is an emphasis on going to school and then college.
People are casual about letting the bank own most things through purchase contracts
and leasing. So, we find people at 25 or 30 years of age, degrees in hand, in debt
and living beyond their means. They are too often still not able to generate adequate
income to support their children or the lifestyle they have adopted. Unfortunately,
most people assume they "should" be emotionally stable and able to take
care of family and finances when the going gets tough.
The MAIN thing we can do: AS ADULTS, FIND OUT WHO AND WHAT WE ARE. IF FOLLOWED,
THE UNDERSTANDING PROVIDED WILL RESOLVE THE PROBLEMS OF PUBERTY. THEN, TEACH CHILDREN
TO FIND THAT UNDERSTANDING.
Granted, this cannot be learned and passed on to our children overnight. But we
can set the goal to live by ideals through which we can be responsible for our children's
guidance. We can help our youth learn to responsibly cope with sexuality by providing
nature-defined support that brings understanding, integration and maturity. How
long? As long as it takes...forever sounds good. They can pass that on to their
children. If they can't, it's because we didn't. "Response ability" for
our children is built in, if we can only pause and notice. As we take time to know
who and what we are, we can guide our children to discover themselves and know that
"understanding" will guide them. As they develop the wisdom of awareness,
they will need parental guidance less and less. What would happen if a child's parents
enhanced everything their spirituality brought to consciousness? Would a child who
learned to fully express within an extended family become responsible, productive
and capable? Natural guidance by parents results in natural expression as sexuality
that correlates directly to spirituality. Whereas, trading natural sexual behavior
for traditional rules and taboos hinders spiritual expression. Letting go of our
traditions and sexual phobias allows us to realize that teen sex is not a catastrophe,
but a global family problem. It concerns all of us, not just teens or parents. The
"catastrophe" is the widespread lack of questions being answered by an
inner awareness before they become problems. If we become more aware of ourselves,
our needs and the needs of our children, and meet those needs, the world will surely
be less stressful. Isn't it just possible that a few generations growing up with
that inner strength could create a world filled with peace and love?
SUMMARY: THINGS WE CAN DO TO TAKE THE "CATASTROPHE" OUT OF TEEN SEX
1. We, as adults, must realize that favoring nature's course over traditions about
teen sex is absolutely needed.
2. Adults must face their fears that children will be born to parents who are not
mentally, emotionally or financially prepared to care for them and that society
will not care for them. We must notice that our ability to adequately respond to
children's sexual needs is at least blunted, if not nonexistent, and determine to
fill that void with understanding and action. We must realize that it's okay to
let go of our fears about sexual problem areas, because the answers can be found.
3. There must be a relaxing of the notion that children do not know what is best
for them. To a point, they do know and they give us critical information about their
need to express sexually. They must be guided and encouraged. Not understanding
how to help the growth of children's sexuality does not alleviate the responsibility
to do so when it's needed. Do not put it off.
4. The guidance children need must be prepared for now. We can no longer flow along
with what's happening and expect our ability to guide them when they required it
to suddenly appear if we do not possess it now. It is mandatory they become ready
for puberty early; puberty will not wait. Don't fail to utilize the years when they
and their friends need not worry about pregnancy, as a relaxed time of learning.
5. Realize that sex and those learning processes that support meaningful growth,
facilitate responsible sexuality and the ability to care for offspring. As such,
they are fundamental and critical to a coherent global learning process that is
capable of fearlessly ushering in an era of peace and love to our world. Know that
love and peace have not spread across the planet because we continue to believe
that love is a set of emotions and that peace is merely the absence of violence.
This article was posted on the internet and is considered a public domain writing
by the author, Doug Couch (Light Dancer).
"FAMILY VALUES" DO NOT INCLUDE
GOOD SEXUAL HEALTH
by Randall Blackburn
Is Congress Really Concerned about the Sexual Health of Your Children?
You might be thinking that this title sounds a little odd. You might be thinking
that your family's values certainly include the health of your children. If you
are thinking that something seems "amiss," that there must be a "catch"
... well, I'm sorry to say that there isn't. I was at first dismayed and then angry
after I received the 1997 summer newsletter from SIECUS (the Sexuality Information
Education Council of the United States), the organization responsible for the improvements
in sexuality education curricula in our schools today.
What made me so angry was an article in which they described part of a new law that
Congress has already passed. It is not only extremely offensive, but is actually
harmful to children. Hard to believe, isn't it? Don't take my word for it - the
following is a short excerpt from the SIECUS newsletter:
The 1996 welfare reform law received a great deal of press, but almost none of it
mentioned a new program to fund highly restrictive abstinence-only education programs."
"This new federal initiative will provide nearly $88 million a year for the
next five years for programs that focus EXCLUSIVELY on abstinence and that ARE PROHIBITED
from teaching young people about pregnancy and STD prevention methods. Programs
are REQUIRED BY LAW to teach that 'a mutually faithful monogamous relationship in
the context of marriage is the expected standard of human sexual activity', and
'that sexual activity outside of marriage is likely to have harmful psychological
and physical effects'. "
" 'We were dismayed that most Americans did not know about this detrimental
new program' said Ruth Mayer, SIECUS Director of Communications."
Can you believe this? Telling children that sexual activity outside of marriage
is LIKELY to cause them harm? Is this right? Or, is it a flat-out deception of the
truth geared to further an extreme religious agenda?
The Christian Coalition and
The Best Interests of the Children
So, how could a Congress so concerned about families actually do something that
would put children in harm's way? I don't understand it, either. So I decided to
take a closer look at what was behind this legislation... and I didn't have to look
very far. It comes from an organization who claims to embody the moral standard
that the rest of us good citizens should strive to emulate.
I'm speaking of the religious extremists working hard to lobby Congress, mostly
made up of those calling themselves the "Christian Coalition". This is
all part of what the Coalition has dubbed it's "Contract With The American
Family"... sound familiar? It is no coincidence that the Republican Party platform
for the last couple of years bears an almost identical name. The Christian Coalition
would like to think that they ARE the Republican Party.
I've got news for them: This is one Christian who believes that they could not possibly
be more wrong. Not just wrong - I question their sense of what is moral. I am not
alone. I recently read on the NOW website (the National Organization for Women)
that there are now many major religious leaders who have begun to question the use
of the word "Christian" in association with the conservative political
agenda and, indeed, in association with the Republican Party. I have seen no statistic
pointing to the idea that a vast majority of "Christians" are Republicans,
nor that the majority necessarily agree with the push towards extreme conservatism
and sexual repression.
One point I am trying to make is that the people behind making these laws for the
rest of us to follow have the impression that their sense of what is "right
& wrong" for America is superior. Therefore, they think that we should
all want to adopt their way of life and their way of thinking. I believe that the
vast majority of North Americans feel similar to the way that I do, and that our
idea of "family values" is what sets the community standards.
An example of what I mean is that I, for one, believe things that are immoral are
things like murder, lying, cheating, fraud, stealing, forced or coerced (non-consensual)
sexual behavior, assaulting others, bigotry, intolerance of lifestyles other than
your own, endangering our environment for profit, and so on. Whether or not two
unmarried consenting individuals privately enjoy the loving touch, the pleasurable
caressing, or the intense feelings of making love simply does not fit the definition
of immorality for most of us. Nor do we worry that teaching children about sex,
about preventing unwanted pregnancy, or about preventing sexually transmitted diseases
will cause them harm. We do, however, share concern over what withholding that information
from children will do to their self-esteem, their health, and indeed, their very
lives.
At the heart of the matter is the idea that ANY sexual behavior other than between
a man and a woman who have been joined in holy matrimony is abnormal, harmful, and
is responsible for the sad state of affairs our country is in today. In reality,
it is that very attitude that most of us remember from our own childhood, recalling
how the very last people we wanted to talk with about sex was our parents! It is
only because most of us have come to realize the flaws and harm in this way of thinking
and because we have brought sex and sexuality out into the open that we can talk
openly and honestly about sexual issues.
I truly question their claim that they are only trying to "protect" children,
or that they only "have the best interest of the children at heart". If
this is really true, why would they choose to focus on just this one thing? I would
say that gang violence and school safety is a much, much greater concern for most
American parents than the issue they are pressing, and yet I have not seen even
a tiny bit of legislation coming from the "Christian Coalition" to combat
gang violence. Wouldn't that be a much stronger indicator of their concern for children?
If you don't think that sex-education programs and positive attitudes about sex
really make a difference, consider this: two countries, as an example, that have
extremely positive attitudes about sexuality and very aggressive sex-education programs
are the Netherlands (Holland) and Japan. The teen pregnancy rate in the United States
is NINE (9) times higher than in Japan or the Netherlands (nine times!).
Being a parent whose child can openly ask me any question, where we can talk about
any topic without embarrassment or worry, and where he or she knows there are no
secrets in our home, and that nothing is withheld from them, is much more important
to me than what my next door neighbors do in their bedroom. I know the "Right"
will say "it isn't about what their neighbors do in their bedroom... it is
about what children are being taught in school". They say "telling kids
to wear condoms or to get on the pill means we are approving of their activity."
They just don't get it. Sex is not something new... it is not something abnormal
or unnatural... it is simply the way our bodies were designed to work. With incredible
complexity we are just now coming to understand, our bodies instinctively "know"
what to do, with every single part having a role to play in life and every part
working exactly as it should (for the lucky majority of us). The message from Nature
is simple: we have always been sexual beings, just as intended, from the day we
are born to the day that we die, and there is nothing abnormal, disgusting, sick
or sinful about it. Not unless we make it that way.
Because I wanted to be fair about this and to try and understand their point of
view, I searched through the articles available on their website and in the books
they publish and I began to read what they had to say about adolescent sexual activity.
I wanted to hear their arguments and to listen to their reasoning, hoping to understand.
What I came to understand is that this is a movement that is not simply trying to
get their viewpoint before the public. Rather, they are a small, wealthy, powerful
group of people with a very narrow point of view who want more than to just be heard...
much more. In fact, to use their own words, coming from their Contract With The
American Family, "this is the first word, not the last word".
Who is the Christian Coalition and
What is Their Agenda for Children?
I have also been wondering just who is the Christian Coalition? I mean, who are
the members? What are the demographics? If they are, as they claim, speaking for
"most" Americans, are their profiles like mine? Like yours? As I looked
into this it became quite obvious that this morally superior group of people are
primarily made up of upper and middle class, moderate to very wealthy, white males
and their wives. I have yet to locate a poverty-stricken couple, or more than a
handful of minority or immigrant couples, or many single mothers in their organization.
This is an elite group of people operating under the mistaken impression that they
are speaking on behalf of the rest of us Americans and simply encouraging Congress
to pay attention to their (our) preferred point of view... their (our) family values.
One thing I find interesting is that while they claim to be about "family values",
it seems that those values are only about married-couple heterosexual families...
not all kinds of families, as in the real world. Single mothers, homosexuals and
immigrant or mixed-race families need not apply... they simply do not fit the mold
of their so-called "family values". Nor do those who believe in a religion
other than Christianity, or in no particular religion at all. While they are claiming
moral superiority over the rest of us, they are not at all hesitant to twist statistics,
or even the Bible, to fit their viewpoint, or to buy the loyalty of key Congressmen
with their campaign dollars, or to deceive the public by burying legislation like
they did in the 1996 Welfare Reform Act. It doesn't seem to bother them that their
agenda is presented under the guise of "doing what's right," and uses
catch-phrases like "family values" to mask their goals in rhetoric that
appeals to and uses people's desire for a better society. They don't seem to be
bothered that their type of thinking spurs bigotry and intolerance of those different
from themselves, or that extremists, like those involved in the militia movement
and those drawn to domestic terrorism (the Uni-bomber, Timothy McVeigh, and abortion
clinic bombers) are also drawn to their movement.
In reading through their abstinence material, I noticed that there was a definite
pattern in what they were teaching. Three ideas seem to come out in nearly every
example they gave or story they told: 1). That young ladies MUST RESIST, must suppress
all those natural feelings, desires, fantasies and cravings their bodies produce
(this, alone, is so contrary to life's intent that it is not worthy of an argument).
2). That young girls have a responsibility, a duty, to their future husbands to
save their virginity (or "themselves") for them. You know, I'm not even
a woman and I find the concept that their virginity belongs to the man (that it
is his right to have) extremely offensive. I cannot begin to imagine how that would
make women feel. And 3). that ANY sexual activity outside the narrow context of
a male-female marriage IS, repeat IS, psychologically and physically harmful.
One idea they have that surprised me is that were it not for "peer-pressure"
and the current sex-education programs in schools, kids would not be interested
or tempted to have sex. Yeah, right! I have to wonder if these people were ever
adolescents themselves. One book on abstinence programs said that the author was
struck by the fact that on the interview tapes he listened to "young teenage
girls unselfconsciously recounting their loss of virginity, junior high boys speculating
on the relative merits of various birth control techniques". Now, the author
thought that this was just terrible, and went on babbling, eventually coming to
a conclusion that today's earlier onset of puberty (see documentation), combined
with the delay in marriage has "challenged today's young people with an unprecedented
number of years in which they are expected to keep their youthful hormones in check."
I certainly agree with his last statement, but where we differ is that he proposes
ways to increase that expectation, while I claim it is completely unreasonable for
us to keep up this pretense. They are very concerned about "peer pressure,"
but I don't think they are concerned about what the pressure they, themselves, add
to the conflicts going on inside their children's heads as they struggle through
puberty. I guess the author would have preferred that these young girls be ashamed
of losing their virginity and the boys be ignorant about preventing pregnancy.
A large part of the push from the conservative forces is that they seem to have
this fantasy idea of exactly what childhood should be like for every child in America
(I'm reminded of this each time I hear them telling young girls interested in exploring
their own sexuality that they "should be playing with their dolls at this age,
not thinking about sexual things." ) They believe that children today should
have exactly the same type of childhood they think they remember... while the rest
of us look toward the future, choosing to focus on how to make things better for
the generations that follow (such as more ease in handling sexual matters). No two
generations have ever before had a childhood exactly like their parent's before
them. They forget that when they were children, they wanted what was possible in
that new era... not what their parents before them experienced.
Sure, the world of today has problems.... drugs, crime, violence, gangs, bigotry,
etc. But we are addressing those problems, and though it may not feel like it at
times, we are making progress. However, because they don't see "instant"
results (considering, say, the last 50 or 60 years compared to mankind's total history),
they become obsessed with re-visiting the past and saving the rest of us from eternal
damnation. They think that times were so much "better" back then... but
I think that they are overlooking the fact that during the period they would have
our children re-visit, there were four major worldwide conflicts, racism was rampant,
we had many enemies, that blacks had to use separate drinking fountains and sit
in the back of the bus. They forget that back then girls were educated, but were
then expected to remain at home to take care of the children and to keep a nice
home for their husbands, right down to having supper served to him every night.
Equality between men and women, between boys and girls, was barely more than a concept,
and, most pertinent to the discussion at hand, sex was something to be kept hidden
away from children... it was something "good people" just did not discuss!
(especially not in front of the k-I-d-s).
A Different View of the Future
One thing that gives me at least a little encouragement is that our society, our
entire world, is moving forward at an incredibly rapid pace. The wheels of change
are in motion and now that our overall attitude about sex is becoming more positive
where children are concerned, I truly believe that today's children and teens are
not about to give up this new freedom from sexual suppression. I hope they can hang
in there and that as few children as possible are exposed to the extreme right-wing
organization that is giving real Christianity a black eye. I pray that as few kids
as possible are exposed to sexually transmitted diseases or experience an unwanted
pregnancy simply because they were denied access to information that could have
prevented a pregnancy or protected them from a life-threatening disease.
One way to look at life today is to view us as a single population (gee, what a
concept! - thanks in no small part to the Internet) in the same way a scientist
views an experiment::
First he plans out the experiment and states his objective and his theories on what
will result. Next he puts the experiment into motion and begins to make observations.
As the experiment takes on a "life of it's own," it takes shape and begins
to produce tangible results.
As it progresses, he notices that what is actually happening in the experiment does
not exactly fit his original theories and objective. He realizes that whether he
likes it or not, it keeps moving forward, never looking at the past, and he cannot
alter it's direction without destroying the integrity of the project. It just keeps
moving forward, paying no heed to the wishes or expectations of the scientists or
the stated objective. You just can't stop nature - it plods steadily onward, leaving
the scientists and others behind in it's wake.
So... he isn't getting the results expected and he doesn't exactly like the results
he's getting... what does he do? Does he scrap the entire project? Does he try to
reverse it? Does he go back and start the project all over again, leaving the first
project to it's own fate (and only partially complete)? Or, does he do the logical
thing, which is to accept the natural progress (knowing it really can't be stopped),
continue to record the events and results, and begin to re-shape and re-think the
original expectations?
I believe the answer is obvious. Does this mean that we can't affect change at all?
Of course not. We CAN provide solutions to problems and help guide our world on
it's way. But it is silly to think we are capable of stopping the huge experiment
called "life" or completely reversing even one part of it. Life moves
forward, like it or not, regardless of what scientists expect and regardless of
what a particular religion says it should be.
Accepting Nature's /God's Norm for Children's Sexual Development
It seems to me that we need to accept what "Nature" (or God, if you prefer)
has dictated life to be. That includes accepting the indisputable fact that children
are sexual beings from infancy through very old age (or death). It is not as though
we teach toddlers to be curious about their bodies, to have pleasurable sensations...
no, that much is purely instinctive -- it is "built-in" to each of us.
One thought that struck me while writing this is that when toddlers touch their
genitals (and obviously derive pleasure), we tend to say: "Oh, they just don't
know any better yet". Do you think that maybe they know something we've all
forgotten? That this IS the way we are made... it is normal... it is natural! Now
wouldn't it be more sensible if we, instead of teaching that it just isn't "proper,"
begin to teach them about an appropriate time and place for touching, and about
respecting the sensitivities of others around us?
The Danger of the Religious Right and What To Do About It
I am thinking, primarily, of the future... a future that is being threatened right
now by a very powerful (though relatively small) force. We are facing the prospect
of even more legislation that supports and funds only a single, narrow point of
view -- a point of view that puts the nation's children at risk, real risk. A point
of view that is harmful in and of itself. While organized religion and teaching
about having faith is fine, no single religion or faction should be declared by
the government to be superior to others. That is exactly what this legislation already
passed as law does - and that is wrong. I have religious values that I would put
up against the "Christian Coalition" any day, but I certainly don't expect
the government to give me money to teach them to others, or declare that mine should
be enacted as law that affects everyone in the country.
So, why does the "Christian Coalition," or the "Religious Right"
think theirs should be so funded? Beats the heck out of me! What about the millions
of people who are not part of their religion? This legislation would affect their
children also.
Unless something is done to stop them, we will all soon be living under rules, laws
and attitudes that religious conservatives establish because they believe their
values are superior to those held by everyone else. A small, narrow-minded and very
vocal segment of people in this country are setting the agenda for the rest of us.
They say, of course, that they are just protecting "family values" - a
cry that few people want to challenge. Also, that they are acting on behalf of the
majority of the people in this country - something that will have a ring of truth
to it if we do not stand up and tell our Congress that they do not.
They want to return children's rights to being secondary to parental rights (as
though parents have a natural "right" to control -- not guide -- but control,
the lives of their children into adulthood). It is hard for me to understand how
anyone so concerned about children could possibly put their parental rights or religious
political agenda ahead of the health, happiness, safety and very lives of their
children. Except that it's not just their children they are putting at risk. They
have put OUR children at risk for their own political gain, and we should not stand
for it.
I am speaking about the topic that started this article, the 1996 Welfare Reform
Act. Somehow, this mixed-up band of people have convinced our Congress to fund their
singular viewpoint on sex education and to teach it to your children (not just theirs),
even though it specifically withholds information that could save a child's life
or prevent a sexually transmitted disease or prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Not
just withholds that information, specifically prohibits by law the providing of
that information. When I think of someone withholding factual information from someone,
I equate it with deception and lying. It may be an appropriate reaction, considering
that this part of the legislation was kept from the American public... were we deceived?
...was our Congress deceived?
What can we do about it? The answer is simple -- WE FIGHT BACK!
But this is not going to be easy, as the "Christian Coalition" is very,
very powerful. Their strength comes from two things: wealth - they have money, and
nerve - they are willing to stand up and demand to be heard (makes me think of the
old cliché "Money Talks" -- how true!)
Unless the rest of us are willing to do the same thing, we can look forward to a
single religion-oriented political system obsessed with "sin," repression
and punishment for all who do not conform to their beliefs. If you think I am over-stating
the situation, just ask people like the boy in Milwaukee charged with sexual assault
of a child when he stepped forward to take responsibility and provide for getting
his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant (no one wanted him prosecuted except a single,
fanatical prosecutor who wanted to send a message about teenage sex). Or ask the
dozens of people in Wenatchie, Washington, or the girl near Seattle charged with
the crime of fornication when she got pregnant at 16 (no boys are charged there,
only girls, and it is still happening there), or maybe you should ask the 5 year
old boy in Washington, DC who was charged with sexual harassment for kissing a girl
on the playground. I kid you not, people - more of this is exactly what we are headed
for. The 1996 funding of their viewpoint is just one more notch in their belt.
We MUST STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT! We must go that extra step (even if it is the one
and only time in your life) to make sure as many people know about this as possible.
Please also tell your children about this, and tell your friends and neighbors.
Everyone must especially let our Congressional Representatives know that we strongly
oppose what was done and that we are demanding that it be reversed! That $440 million
must be returned to the general budget for health and sex education for everyone.
CALL FOR ACTION:
Please call or write your Congressional Representatives right away --- and keep
on calling and writing until your voice is heard.
We must also "put our own money where our mouth is" and make an extra
effort to raise funds to fight back. Money for organizations such as SIECUS and
other groups providing free or low-cost sexual health-related services. Contacting
the ACLU is another way of supporting a movement to have this bad legislation repealed,
as they are, more than likely, the organization with the resources it takes to fight
back and get the job done. This is just too important of an issue to sit back on
and let others speak for us (especially when the "others" claiming to
speak for us hold extremist and far right-wing ideals).
A FINAL WORD (or two):
Last, I would encourage you to think about what you would want for your children
in the future. For me, personally, it is easy:
I know that I would want my children to be, above all else, happy, healthy and for
them to know they are loved and wanted - unconditionally. Beyond that, I want them
to love life, to feel good about sex and their bodies (and to be comfortable with
sexual intimacy and pleasure). I want them to know diversity and to know about the
entire world around them.
I would also want them to be honest, hardworking and responsible people. They should
respect the feelings and beliefs of those around them and I would want for them
to care about those less fortunate than themselves and to care about animals and
the environment. I want them to know integrity and to be understanding and tolerant
of those who believe differently or who are different from themselves.
These things are so much more important than whether or not two consensual sexual
partners have been given the approval by the "church" or by "society"
to behave as they wish in private. Who has consenting sex with who is easily dwarfed
by REAL "family values," such as those I named above.
On a more pleasant note, there are many wonderful things happening in our world
as we turn a corner into a new century. The religious conservatives would have us
believe that teen sex, teen pregnancy, promiscuity and sexual disease is at an "all
time high," or that it has reached "epidemic proportions." This kind
of rhetoric makes for sensational headlines and topics for daytime talk shows and
the public easily falls right into the trap... because we are concerned about our
children. The facts, however, tell the true tale: teenagers are about as sexually
active as in previous decades (the difference is that this is no longer a "hidden"
fact). Unwanted teen pregnancy is actually down somewhat from previous decades -
an indication that more open attitudes about sex, organized sex education, and fact-based
information about sex, contraception and STD's are finally beginning to impact our
society. Don't get me wrong, though, I do not want to lessen the need to more effectively
deal with these problems - quite the contrary -- we now have an opportunity, largely
because of the Internet and technology, to make these issues nothing more than world
history.
The religious conservatives have been preaching gloom and doom for our society for
the last 20 - 30 years (longer than that, really), especially during the repressive
regime of the 1980's. But true to Nature, the world has proven them wrong again
and again. Time is telling a different story - I recently read a wonderful (but
very long) article about this very topic in the July 1997 issue of WIRED(c) magazine
called: "The Long Boom: A History of the Future: 1980 - 2020. It is very uplifting
and encouraging, and I believe, based on realistic predictions of what is to come
in the next several years.
We are, however, still battling harmful influences and behavior in our society,
like violence, drugs, STD's, fraud, and government corruption, but how could anyone
equate sexual openness and sexuality, in general, with these problems? I feel very
sorry for those who do make that association. For me, personally, I can't think
of a more exciting time to be a kid. So much is happening and changing right before
our very eyes! ... and I am not alone -- most people would agree, I believe.
I would like to thank you for your attention, and for your time. I can only hope
that I've informed you of something you did not realize, and that I've touched a
"nerve" in you that makes you angry enough to actually do something this
time. Your help is desperately needed, with the lives and sexual health of our children...
and their children... being at stake.
At the end of this article is a short list of the materials I used when writing
this... sort of an "abbreviated" bibliography. If you like what you have
read here, and want to know more about pro-sexuality attitudes, you may wish to
visit a new website currently under construction at http://www.allaboutsex.org.
If you think I am wrong about having a more accepting society on sexual issues,
children, and the extreme right, I can only say "thank you" for listening
to one person's point of view and for considering an alternative to your own way
of thinking.
MATERIALS USED WHILE WRITING THIS ARTICLE
SIECUS "Developments" Newsletter : Volume 5, Issue 2, Summer 1997 -----
http://www.siecus.org (SIECUS is the Sexuality Information Education Council of
the United States, formed in 1964 to create sex education curricula) 130 West 42nd
Street, Suite 350, New York, NY 10036-7802, Phone: 212-819-9770, Email: SIECUS@siecus.org
"Going All The Way" by Sharon Thompson -- Hill & Wang, NY - 1995 -
Library of Congress Card # 95-8011 Softcover, 340 pp (full title: "Going All
The Way: Teenage Girl's Tales of Sex, Romance, and Pregnancy") Available at
http://www.amazon.com Outstanding study of real teen females and their thoughts
& feelings in the 1990's -- Those who have fought for more acceptance of female
sexuality should read this and cheer! Well researched and documented - a completely
serious book - (my website, http://www.allaboutsex.com, has much more about this
book if you are interested).
"The Re-Packaged Bigotry of the Christian Coalition" by Sandy Alexander,
N.O.W. intern Article on N.O.W. Website (National Organization for Women) - http://www.now.org
Statistics on AIDS & Other STD's - Statistical Information found on Medline:
July 1997 http://www.medscape.com SOURCE: Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report
(1997;46(28):638-640)
"Pregnant On Purpose" - Article in the August 1997 issue of TEEN Magazine
by Alison Bell - p107 Providing good statistical data on sexuality and teen pregnancy,
citing the Alan Guttmacher Institute (NY) as it's source.
Study from the Univ of Chicago - July 1997 - CBS "This Morning" Show by
Medical Correspondent: Dr. Bernadine Healey -"Researchers now saying that puberty
actually begins much, much earlier than previously thought.... "
"Contract With The American Family" from the Christian Coalition website
- 1996 - http://cc.org/cc/leg/contract.html"
"The Long BOOM: A History of the Future 1980 - 2020" - Article - WIRED
Magazine, July 1997 - Peter Schwartz, Peter Leyden "We're facing 25 years of
prosperity, freedom, and a better environment for the whole world... You got a problem
with that?
Liberated Christians Newsletter : Spring 1997 - contact - dave@davephx.com,
or write: Liberated Christians, P.O. Box 32835, Phoenix, AZ 85064-2835 http://www.libchris.com
(Outstanding Newsletter, Excellent, Open & Positive Group) Note: This group
is NOT, repeat NOT in any way associated with the religious right or "Christian
Coalition."
"Sexual Revolution And Counter-Revolution" Abstract by John Money - Psychohormonal
Research Unit, Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Johns Hopkins Hospital,
Baltimore, Md. - http://www.medscape.com (request through their search engine)
"Take Action: 'Parental Rights and Responsibilities Act' " - Author not
listed - N.O.W. Website - 1996 - 1997 U.S. Senate Bill S. 984 - 1996 http://www.now.org/issues/right/paract.html
"Although innocuous sounding, S. 984 actually has wide-spread, disrupting consequences
if allowed to pass..."
"My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday -- Pocket Books - 1973 - Library of
Congress Card # 72-96815 Paperback, 336 pp Still available at nearly any bookstore
in the USA ! (Ground-breaking book on female sexuality, especially for 1973! )
"Choose The Best" by Bruce Cook - RAPHA - 1997 - Paperback, 128 pp (full
title: "Help your teens... Choose The Best ...abstinence until marriage ) (I
am not endorsing or recommending this book!)
"All About Sex" - Website (my own - still under construction - stay tuned)
http://www.allaboutsex.org "Discussion" website about sex, sex-education
and all kinds of sexual issues and topics. Presenting many points of view - mostly
positive - about sexuality, past, present and future.
You may also contact me through my personal email address: Blckburn@gte.net
Push to Abstain Doesn't Lower Teen
Sex Rates
At the 1996 International Conference on AIDS it was shown that the abstinence message
isn't working, but the Centers For Disease Control reports teachings about the value
of condoms does seem to work, as more high school students report using them in
surveys. The National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which includes about 12,000 students,
found that students start having sex, on average, at age 14.
The study also noted however that condom use was highest among ninth graders; it
declined by twelfth grade. Perhaps this is because older students switch to birth
control pills or other birth control measures which prevent pregnancy but not STD's.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used
condoms?
A GOOD YEAR AND A GREAT YEAR!!!!
British Sex Education Debate
LONDON (Reuter) - Children in Britain as young as 11 should be offered free
condoms and sex education in a bid to reduce the nation's high rate of teenage pregnancies,
a health advisory body recommended.
Several members of Parliament were outraged at the report by the National Health
Service Center for Reviews and Dissemination which said that telling young people
to say no to sex or wait until they were married simply did not work.
Britain has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe and the government wants
to halve the rate for those under 16 years old by the year 2000.
``A lot of what happens sexually between young people is based on their ignorance.
The younger sex education starts the better. That means children in the last year
of primary school (age 11) and the first year of secondary school (age 12) should
be targeted,'' a spokesman for the Center told reporters.
Conservative MP Lady Olga Maitland said she was appalled at the suggestion that
condoms should be freely available.
``We ought to be protecting these girls from the pressures of boys and an early
sexual life -- protecting their innocence,'' she told BBC radio. ``We ought to be
encouraging a climate of moral responsibility for both sexes.''
Sex education is already compulsory in British schools for those over 12 and younger
children get instruction in some schools.
The report, which is advisory, said that programs which combined sex education with
contraceptive advice succeeded in reducing pregnancy rates without increasing sexual
activity.
Be nice to other people. They outnumber you 5.5
billion to one.
The Truth About Bible Translations
By Aaron Budjen, a translator with good insights
Source: Internet public post on pnet.religion.talk
The worlds best seller for all time has also been one of the most influential books
in the history of the world. As the most influential book, many people have been
concerned about its accurate translation from the languages it was written in. Visiting
any bookstore here in America you can easily find up to a dozen different translations
into the English language. The question virtually everyone asks is why? Christians
and non-Christians alike ask why there are different translations and which one
can they trust to be accurate. After all, if they are correct, why are they not
the same?
As a translator, I have found merits in all Bible translations. The Amplified Bible
does a beautiful job of expressing the definitions of certain words. The NIV relates
some passages well in today's common English. I have found few good passages in
the New World Translation but I have managed to use it to show Jehovah's Witnesses
the deity of Christ Jesus. With their merits they all have their shortcomings. The
KJV neglects translating some words. The NKJV and NIV insert strong doctrinal biases
in some places. The descriptions I wind up giving is that some translations do a
fair job of translating one verse and others don't do a fair job with the same verse.
Regrettably, there are some verses that are totally in error in all translations.
Every Bible translation I have read has translated one verse in Hebrew/Greek in
to one verse in English. This is a reasonable method if the languages share a common
level of expressiveness. The problem is that Greek and Hebrew are much more expressive
than English. Therefore an exact translation is only possible if the translator
is willing to break the mold of a one to one, verse by verse translation. There
are some verses which can be translated this way, but most require a whole if not
a composition in English to express the full meaning. Because of this challenge
- all English translations I know of (presently in print and on the market) are
more accurately called paraphrases.
Translating the Bible into English is not where this controversy began. It began
when the Jews were taken into captivity after the Babylonian invasion in 586 BC.
After being in a foreign country for a couple of generations the Jews adopted the
language of the surrounding people and forgot the Hebrew language. Only the Rabbis
and the students in the Synagogue knew Hebrew. The common people only knew Aramaic.
The services and readings in the Synagogue were done in Hebrew. Therefore, the common
Jews would seek someone to interpret for them during the services. The interpreter
was called the Methurgemen, and many synagogues began to employ them. The Methurgemen
was allowed to verbalize, paraphrases of what was being said or read, but he was
strictly forbidden to write it down. The reason for that was because the Rabbis
were concerned that the translation, or paraphrase would be recognized as having
equal authority as the original Hebrew. Some writings were still done in time and
they became known as targums. [essentially "commentaries" on Scripture
- Bill Paris]
What the Rabbis and scribes were concerned about almost two and a half millennia
ago has happened today. In America, the English texts for sale in the bookstores
are wrongly looked upon as having equal authority as the original Hebrew as well
as the Greek of the New Testament. I will admit that the truth is revealed through
them and the lives of people are changed by the power of God. However, the study
of the original languages is neglected by virtually every Christian and Jew in America
today because of the deception that what they are reading is accurate and with authority.
In knowing the original languages you will know which verses that have been translated
into English are accurate and have authority.
[Editorial note, by Bill Paris: I agree with most
of what this author says including his affirmation that life-changing truth is revealed
through English translations. However, I feel that his views still suggest that
you really can't know the truth of Scripture unless you know Hebrew and Greek. (By
the way, I am a seminary graduate, with many years of study in these languages.)
There are at least two fallacies here: First, learning biblical Hebrew and Greek
as second languages two thousand years after the last Scriptures were written does
not guarantee that you will understand the many nuances of these languages (especially
Hebrew) as they were employed in ancient times. Second, the author overlooks the
teaching ministry of the Holy Spirit in the lives of believers as he helps us understand
IN THE HEART what the Scriptures mean.
One of the most critical contributions to the church by the Protestant Reformation
was its belief that the common man could understand the message of Scripture and
know the God of Scripture if only he could have the Scripture in his own hands IN
HIS OWN LANGUAGE, as opposed to the Roman church's version of Scripture which was
almost entirely in the hands of the clergy and only in LATIN. The invention of the
printing press in the same period, the translation of Scripture into the languages
of Europe and the revolution in literacy that accompanied these developments changed
Christianity and the world for all time. Carrying this author's view to its logical
conclusion would place the understanding of Scripture back into the hands of a scholarly
or religious elite, for it is unrealistic in our day to expect even committed believers
to learn these languages on a large scale.
The author's commitment appears to be to an understanding that comes from objective
linguistic study. While this is commendable as a goal and while we at Liberated
Christians seek to use the original languages to gain a better understanding of
Scriptural truth, especially in the realm of sexuality and intimate relationships,
there is really no such thing as truly OBJECTIVE study in the first place (everyone
comes to Scripture with built-in biases, believer and unbeliever, scholar and layman).
In the second place, true spiritual understanding goes beyond such study and into
the realm of FAITH, which must always remain subjective and highly personal. If
the meaning of Scripture does not become PERSONAL and a matter of faith to its readers,
no matter whether one is proficient in the original languages or not, it is of no
real use as a life-giving, life-changing resource.]
San Francisco May License "Sex
Clubs"
While this pertains more to gay clubs, it certainly may also apply to heterosexual
clubs. San Francisco is very liberal. They also completed an extensive study on
the problems of prostitution with a strong recommendation to decriminalize sex workers.
San Francisco is moving to become the first city in the nation to license clubs
that encourage patrons to engage in sexual activities.
Supporters have said that a proposed law, which has the approval of Mayor Willie
Brown, would slow the spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases rather
than encourage sex.
Supervisor Tom Ammiano, a longtime gay and AIDS awareness activist, told the San
Francisco Chronicle he is putting the finishing touches on the proposed law, which
would put controls on a largely underground and unregulated industry.
Sex clubs are large, open rooms where patrons would pay anywhere from $5 to $20
to congregate for sex, masturbation and voyeurism in a party-like atmosphere.
With a license, clubs would be required to provide condoms, lubricants, proper lighting,
AIDS-prevention literature and safe-sex monitors. No alcohol would be allowed and
doors could not be locked.
Sex clubs are nothing new in San Francisco and did not decrease in popularity after
officials closed down the city's two dozen bathhouses in the early 1980s.
Mitchell Katz, head of the San Francisco Health Department's AIDS office, said the
proposed law was sensible, especially since 10 to 15 sex clubs already operate in
the city.
``Because they are now operating on a general business license, the license does
not include any of the types of the regulations that we want,'' Katz said.
For the last two years, the Health Department has met with local club owners and
developed the Coalition for Healthy Sex, but Katz said he wants the clubs to be
a venue for HIV prevention. `They do monitor, but they do not have the frequency
of monitoring or the appropriate lighting,'' he said.
Monogamy Does Not Equal Commitment
From a woman discussing someone's romantic ideal of monogamy forever on the
internet:
I have known people who were happily married and monogamous. Sometimes these people
were even married to people who felt likewise. More often, however, one person was
monogamous and the other was not. Sometimes this was acknowledged, often not.
Occasionally, monogamous marriages last a lifetime; more often, they give way to
multiple partners (acknowledged or not), divorce and/or serial polygamy (also known
as serial monogamy), wherein a person is married and monogamous with one person,
then divorces and becomes monogamous with another. Repeat as boredom or incompatibility
(or lack of desire to work on problems) requires.
Once I figured out that monogamy did not equal commitment, and commitment did not
equal monogamy, I found that one of the major pressures for dissolving my relationship
with my husband had disappeared. This is not to say that we do not sometimes disagree
on the suitability of a particular person that one of us is interested in. But that's
negotiable. At 29 1/2 years together, I would say what we have works, at least for
us. We each have had other lovers, but the primary bond between us is as strong
as that for any happily married couple. I don't think that there is anything magic
in that piece of paper or the permission of the State or words said by a religious
figure. I do feel that there is a lot of magic in love (ah, that nebulous concept)
and a willingness to deal with problems.
Europeans Have 'Liaisons"
Americans "Cheat"
Vs. Honest Communicative Relationships
The European way is to have "liaisons" as long as it is done with discretion.
Its much like the "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding gays in the
military. In America the term "cheating" is usually used. Both are ways
of dealing with the natural desire that both men and women have for variety in their
intimate relationships. While this works for many both in Europe and in the U.S.,
I (Dave) believe in consensual relationships based on honest communications, not
hiding these relationships to avoid being honest with your prime relationship. Much
of the hurt couples face is when the "discrete" relationship is "found
out." People even hire private detectives to spy on their spouses. I support
the more honest but harder route: honest communications. If the relationship is
not based on such honesty, perhaps the relationship is not worth having. That is
why I am so supportive of poly and swing lifestyles. There is no need to hide. Responsible
non-monogamy is a perfectly legitimate moral choice, but sadly most in our society
have been brought up brainwashed that possessive monogamy is the only moral choice.
That is why the cheating occurs. The result is often a partner "freaking"
when he/she finds out the truth about the others liaisons.
Oral Sex A Crime Unless Foreplay In
Singapore !
Singapore's Court of Appeal has ruled that oral sex is a criminal offence unless
performed as part of foreplay.
The Straits Times newspaper reported that the court had deemed oral sex an ``unnatural
act'' unless it leads to intercourse.
Only "the coitus of the male and female sexual organs'' was natural intercourse,
the court was quoted as saying. However, ``unnatural acts'' were permissible in
foreplay, though the court did not specify which ones would be considered legal.
The court ruled that where oral sex is used as a substitute for intercourse, it
is an offence even if both partners consent. The court overruled a judgement that
oral sex did not fall within the criminal code's definition of an unnatural sexual
act.
The case involved a 47-year-old man accused of duping a 19-year-old a woman into
performing oral sex on him by saying she had been infected by poison introduced
into her body by another man who had performed oral sex on her. The man was alleged
to have told her the only way to get rid of the poison was for her to perform oral
sex on him.
Big Beautiful Women - too much of a good thing is
even better!
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It
is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you
to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her
to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord,
that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd
like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress?'" So the
Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was
even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam.
And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make
love' Lord?'" So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to
Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
"Lord, what is a headache?"
Your Letters & E-mail
Dave's note: We believe the experiences and responses of real people are very interesting
and we can all learn and grow by these real life experiences in addition to theory
from articles we write or reprint. We continue to welcome these types of letters
and E-mail. To protect privacy no identifying personal information or last names
will ever be revealed unless permission is given. Also, we print letters that show
how helpful some information we provide has been, not to boast, but simply share
how the ideas are so much needed to help so many in their spiritual and human relationships.
A woman writes:
"Just wanted to let you know that your information helps me very much and there
are so many issues I have been dealing with....
I just couldn't solve the conflict within my soul...knowing that I could love and
enjoy others..and feeling guilty all the time..while loving God...and not wanting
to let him down.
He never really judged me though...only society.
Any way! Just a big thank you and a warm hug of appreciation."
A man from Alabama writes:
"Your site has been extremely helpful to us, especially me, and I tried to
reconcile my thoughts and feelings with the way I was raised (a conservative southern
protestant). Your counseling and advice helped me thru a recent divorce (after 22
years) and helped me start my life over. I recently read the book you mentioned
in one of your articles, "The Tao of the Loving Couple" by Jolan Chang.
It was excellent and I would recommend it as required reading to any person. I now
have a beautiful girlfriend, many new close friends, and we are enjoying life to
the fullest now. Keep up the good work, its worth it.
From a clergy couple:
"We are VERY grateful for the liberated christians web site.
We are an ordained clergy couple in two major mainstream Christian denominations.
We are also very joyful in our mutual discovery of ourselves as mates and sexual
beings. The trust and honesty of our relationship is leading us far beyond the rigid
bounds of church morality. And yet we feel faithfully called to do the work of our
vocations in service to others. So, it's a very narrow line to walk. Your pages
have helped us know that we are not alone. And we agree completely with your philosophy,
your biblical interpretation, your theology, and your intent. May God richly bless
your work."
From a man in KY:
"I am a Christian 45 year old male, and still virgin. I became a Christian
at a very young age and believed that it was wrong to have premarital sex. But if
your arguments are correct, then I have remained celibate for the wrong reasons."
Update On John's Security Clearance Battle with the Military
Note: We have been following John's battle with the military over his security clearance
for some time since we reported his problem in previous newsletters. This E-mail
is now a bit old, since we didn't print letters in the last "Special Issue,"
but the concerns about being open in the lifestyle and its potential effect in government
positions should be a concern of those in the lifestyle.
Hi Folks,
I did a combined email cause you all needed the same information. My Government
job will be history in 30 to 45 days, probably closer to 30 days. They have denied
my final administrative appeal of the revocation of my security clearance and since
that is a condition of employment, they have started the termination process.
By the end of this month or very early next month, I'll be filing a civil suit against
the Secretary of the Army, Commanding General of Criminal Investigation Command
and other named defendants using a combination of both civil rights and a conspiracy
statute. As normal, there are no guarantees in the court system but my lawyer thinks
we have a reasonable chance of prevailing based on the record we have created thus
far with some argumentation. Course these things always get more complicated as
they get into the legal wrangling.
I need whatever help I can get, morally, informationally, and financially because
this is going to become expensive for an unemployed person to pursue. Be hard even
if I had a job since I've already built up a significant amount of legal fees getting
to this point.
Any publicity you can give me will be appreciated and donations can be sent to my
mailing address. They will be placed in a separate bank account and will be strictly
accounted for the legal fees and legal expenses only. I'm working on another way
to earn a living which should reach a decision point in the next few weeks but the
income will be somewhat less than I have now. Passing the information around to
others will be a major help and to that end you have my permission to use my name
and the circumstances when talking to others in the lifestyle about the situation.
ACLU does not appear at this point to be a viable asset in this battle. They have
been prominent in the fight with the gay rights movement but they have also characterized
it as an "orientation" as a separate and distinct matter from behavior
and their success so far has paralleled that rather artificial dichotomy. It will
be the alternative lifestyle community which stands to lose the most from this and
from which the majority of help will have to come. I've gone this far pretty much
alone and I really thought I had a good opportunity for effecting a policy decision
which would insulate us from this kind of retribution. However, those hopes were
not realized and now we must venture into the combative arena of the courts if we
are not to have the opposite precedent set that the Government can persecute us
for our legal, albeit controversial in many circles, behavior. I believe the constitutional
framers envisioned just such persecution and that is why they have put some of the
provisions into place. I don't mind too much having to do battle in the constitutional
battlefield (although I would prefer not) but I just do not have the financial and
informational resources to permit me to prevail. If I lose, we all lose.
Please search your hearts and see what you can do and whom you can tell that may
be able to help. This needs to have the good fight fought and I'll do that with
a little help from my Intimate Friendship lifestyle.
Thanks very much for anything you can do now and in the future. This is going to
take a while so we need to be in this for the long haul.
Take care. John
jdfitz@pop.flash.net
Dave's Note: As readers might remember, the basis the military uses for revoking
security clearances is that it could be used as blackmail against a person which
could endanger national security. But when someone is outspoken about the lifestyles,
clearly "out of the closet", it is ridiculous to think one could be "blackmailed"
by someone disclosing such a lifestyle.
LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE,
BUT AREN'T:
10. I need to whip it out by 5!
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before I leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
5. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM........ I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits there
A Recovering Catholic Upset About Church's Sex Teachings:
I am in my mid-forties, gave up The Church when I was twenty, and I still suffer
from the wounds this institution caused me. I was told that I (all of us) were sinners;
that my (our) thoughts were carnal and evil; that I had to confess them to a person
who was so sick himself that he had to hide in a closet while he listened to them.
That my sins would be forgiven only when this hidden man said they were: but I had
to mumble mumbo-jumbo in Latin to make the sins disappear. Did I have to apologize
for my behavior? No. The mumbo-jumbo was enough. (Three Hail Marys, Two Our Fathers
and one Act of Contrition, for example.) I learned that God was a very strange creature,
whose interests seemed to revolve around how many times a week I went to church,
whether or not I had 'sinful' thoughts about girls in my class, whether or not I
masturbated, etc.
When it came to REAL issues, God was silent. (This is still true: The Pope cares
not a whit for the hungry masses in overpopulated countries - he is more interested
in whether or not the women practice birth control... He cares not about social
justice, just whether or not his priests practice the same politics he (the Pope)
espouses [I offer his South and Central American visits as proof of his attitude].)
So I learned that God was this strange guy who was not interested in how I lived
my life, he was interested in whether or not I thought about sex, and whether or
not I sat in a big expensive building. Strange guy. Strange interests. If this was
God, I'll give him a pass.
As I grew up, I grew further and further from the Church, though I still had the
anger that the church had betrayed me.
For heaven's sake, if you must practice this sick ritual of chastity and virginity,
do it in private and please don't confuse other people by telling them how wonderful
it is. Self flagellation is not wonderful. It's a sign of sickness, even though
it is encouraged even in today's seminaries. If the Gods had intended humans to
be chaste, he would have made them asexual.
Those Darn Pagers
From a Primenet support person who takes customer calls: I
work the late shift (early?) Midnight to 8:00am. At 4:00 am it was dead silent in
the NOC and I was alone. Then it happened!!!!
!BEEP! - !BEEP! -!BEEP major alarm!!!!!
This alarm is not familiar but it scares the heck out of me!!!
Running (Remind me to remove my headset next time.) I bolt out towards the equipment
room. Wait!!!! the alarm seems less audible here in the hallway,,, back in the operations
room I enter,,, Culprit....
A pager back from repair in the in box of a fellow employee
... I found myself sitting there with a pager, a 10 lb sledge
hammer and a grin...
I behaved,,,, but the thought was fun :)
Sometimes I am surprised at how many people automatically
view a divorce as a "Failed marriage" or a "failure" of some
kind. I know someone who claims to have successfully completed 3 marriages.
Wise Man Once Say...
"Man with hand in pocket, feel cocky all day..."
One of Life's Treasures
By Tim from PA
Everyone loves a good story about a hidden treasure! Games, contests, and even some
children's toys are designed with a treasure theme. Several years ago we visited
a well known fish restaurant. The children's meal was built around this treasure
theme. You had to look for the treasure, and hidden in a secret compartment in the
bottom of the meal was the pirates treasure! Aye, me mates, we do love our treasure!
Many years ago a pastor told me about the true treasure of life. He made the outrageous
claim that this treasure was indeed one that I could take with me after death! Now
many of us in the Christian tradition would claim to know this treasure. We would
name Jesus, or perhaps eternal life, or salvation, any number of things. These items
might indeed be treasure, but this is not the treasure that my pastor friend was
speaking of. The treasure he had in mind is the treasure of friendship.
In the lifestyle Deb and I have met many people. It would appear to us that you
could roughly divide lifestyle people into two camps. The first camp includes people
who are only after sexual gratification. We have all met people like this, once
the appetite is satisfied they disappear. The second camp includes people who desire
to make new friends. They desire friendships that are deep and lasting, friendships
that stretch to include the sexual areas of life. This is what the lifestyle should
be about, deep friendships, friendships that will last forever! Friendships that
will stand the test of time. This is the true treasure of life, I would rather spend
my time here in this life making friends than to accumulate all the wealth of the
world. As the new year begins, let us all make a priority of finding and keeping
good friends!
Wise Man Once Say...
"Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long..."
THE TOP 15 BIBLICAL
WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her
nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth
4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry
her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam
(Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.Get tricked
into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted
to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. -
Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter
for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find
someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus
(Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen
a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply
say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David
(2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's
the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
A GUIDE TO GREAT ORAL SEX
Dave, I've enjoyed reading your home page. Although I've known about the G-Spot
for several years and have used my knowledge with great success and mutual enjoyment,
one can never have too much information. The following was sent to me by a college
coed last year and I'd like to share it with you and your other readers. Jed
Part I: HOW TO EAT PUSSY
I have a lot of respect for all you studs who like to eat pussy because there are
too few of you out there -- and I'm not the only woman who says this. But some of
you guys who are giving it the old college try are not doing too well, so maybe
this little lesson will help you to get it right.
When a woman finds a man who gives great head, she's found a treasure she's not
going to let go of too quickly. This guy is one rare customer, and she knows it.
She won't even tell her girl friends about it or he'll become the most popular man
in town. So remember, most guys can fuck and they usually do it satisfactorily,
but the man who gives good head has it made!
Most women are shy about their bodies. Even if you have the world's most gorgeous
woman in bed with you, she's going to worry whether you'll like her cunt, so while
you're petting and stroking her tell her that she's beautiful. Talk to her about
her pussy; tell her how soft and warm it feels, and how pretty and pink it is.
Look at her pussy closely. Spread the outer labia and expose her inner lips; softly
blow on them, then lick them ever so lightly. Gently pull up the tops of her pussy
lips until you can find her clit. Woman have clits in all different sizes, just
like you guys have different sized cocks. It doesn't mean a thing as far as her
capacity for orgasm goes. All it means is that more of her is hidden underneath
her foreskin.
Before you touch a woman's clit, make sure your finger is wet. Lick your fingers,
or moisten them with her pussy juices or from your own dripping cock. Her clit doesn't
have any juices of its own and it's extremely sensitive. Your finger will stick
to it if it's dry, and that hurts! But don't touch her clit right now anyway. You
have to work up to that. Before she becomes aroused and well lubricated, her clit
is too delicate and sensitive to be rubbed.
Approach her pussy slowly. Women, even more so than men, love to be teased. The
inner part of her thigh is very sensitive. Lick it; kiss it. Make designs on it
with the tip of your tongue. Come dangerously close to her cunt, then float away.
Make her anticipate your mouth. Lick the crease where each of her legs joins her
body. Nuzzle your face into her bush. Now, to further excite her, brush your lips
over her slit without pressing down on it.
After you've done this to the point where her hips are starting gyrate and she's
straining to get more of you close to her, then put your lips on top of her slit.
Spread her legs wider with your hands. Everything you do with a woman you're about
to eat must be done gently. Kiss her slit softly at first, then harder. Use your
tongue to separate her pussy lips. She'll open her legs wider in invitation to your
probing tongue. When she opens up, run your tongue up and down between the layers
of the luscious, wet-warm pussy flesh.
Now, slide your tongue in and out of her vagina