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Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
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Focus on Jealousy - From "Loving More:
The Polyfidelity Primer"
The word jealousy is often used to describe the emotion felt when a person fears
the loss of a partner. This fear can be based on fact or fiction, on reality or
What everybody calls jealousy is really just a symptom: a sign that something is
going wrong. There are two basic sources for jealous feelings. The first is internal,
and is based on low self esteem. A sense of inferiority, preoccupation with loss.
The second occurs in response to the loss of attention or caring from a partner.
The partner is spending less time at home or showing less affection. The jealous
person feels insecure about the relationship or angry over the changes. Usually
there is blend of both internal and external factors that work together in a cycle
which perpetuates itself.
In polyfidelity this can be avoided since the relationships are designed to be inclusive
rather than exclusive. The shared desire is for all needs to be fulfilled, for love
to flow between all. When the goal is not being met the group needs to heal
any wounds and get back on track. One needs to acknowledge the feelings and express
your basic fears to your partners, seek reassurance for the time or attention you
seek, process any past problems that have hurt the relationship and reconnect emotionally
with your partners by identifying and understandings each other's view of the situation.
This all requires personal growth, a commitment to loving yourself and to the group
as a whole.
In real life it is harder to do emotionally than to teach intellectually.
From the Polyamory FAQ List Subject 5 What is Jealousy?
"...a signal that something needs investigation and care... Jealous is neither
of love nor a moral failing."
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