PO Box 55045, Phoenix Az 85078-5045
Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
COPYRIGHTED 1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN LIBERATED CHRISTIANS, MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND WE ARE SENT A COPY OF PUBLICATION.
Invitation To Intimacy / Communications Meeting
Friday January 17th 7 PM SHARP
Hosts: Ray and Carol
Map to their Scottsdale home will be sent when you call for reservations.
RSVP to Liberated Christians Voice mail 955-0711
Cost: $10 per couple, $5 per single woman
Description of Meeting
At December workshop on Sex, Love & Intimacy, several people expressed an interest in continuing to meet to explore ideas about forming closer, more meaningful relationships with people outside their marriage or prime partner, as either couples or individuals, on a longer-term, more intimate-friendship basis.
In our workshop series and in the newsletter we tend to emphasize the physical side of intimacy and open communications between couples. The purpose of this meeting, which could be the basis of an ongoing group, is to explore not the physical aspects as much as the communications between people, beyond just their primary partner. Intimacy is physical but it is also getting to know a person more deeply which can only be done by verbal communication. Ray volunteered to facilitate at last one of these additional meetings on communications.
The meeting will include:
A brief discussion of intimacy that goes beyond loving touch. This is especially for those of you not at the December meeting.
Break-out groups to discuss topics designed to open up communications. The objective is to get to know one another's views, thoughts, and feelings about non-monogamy, exchange ideas for overcoming obstacles, and examine, through discussion, where your personal comfort zone and boundaries are with non-monogamous relationships.
Feedback session to share the ideas generated in the smaller groups.
Your suggestions for future discussion evenings.
After a break, a non-sexual, non-structured time to socialize, continue discussing issues, or otherwise connect with people.
This meeting, and the social time afterward, is intended to be a non-sexual, non-judgemental forum in which to get to know one another on a more personal and meaningful level. There will be no massage room, intimacy room, or nudity at this meeting. You do not need to bring towels or anything else. Snacks, soft drinks and wine will be provided.
REVIEW AFTER MEETING BY DAVE OF GROUP COMMUNICATIONS THAT OCCURRED:
COUPLES DISCUSSION QUETIONS
One of the best ways to deal with jealousy is simply forcing couples to answer difficult questions and be responsible for their answers. For example in a recent communications workshop in a smaller setting than at parties, with 21 people, we encouraged, supported and discussed for 4 hours just three simple questions. The simple questions were:
1. Where do you feel your relationship is going to be in 5 years, and where would you like it to be?
2. What fears do you have with regards to personal intimacy (sexual and/or emotional) with someone other than your partner?
3. What do you think your partner would feel is the greatest fear in sharing personal intimacy outside your relationship?
First, we broke up partners based on whether they were the more dominant or passive of the couple. That in itself got couples to discuss that topic with each other. Then with 4 others that were not their partner they discussed the three questions. Their answers were recorded on note cards.
When we rejoined in the larger group the couples exchanged cards with their partner. Then every couple discussed their reaction in the group. In some cases it was a risk. Especially with a MFF triad where the two women had very opposite expectations. But while at times uncomfortable...those muscles hurt when they were stretched....the result turned out to be very wonderful and strengthened the relationships between partners as well as established a bond between the entire group. The support and real love for each other was beautiful.
As one person related, the choice was in deciding about real loving outside relationships vs just play nonemotional sexual relationships was:
Hand closed...we are a couple and no one else will come in vs
Open hands....we welcome other warm loving spirits into our relationship which is secure with love and honestly.
I am not trying to tell you one choice is better than the other. Different choices may work at different times over the course of your relationship with your partner as well as at different time or groups in the lifestyle.
I simply share different ideas that work for different people and hope you may find some ideas to be helpful in your relationship and I encourage you to discuss with your partner these issues. Or if you have long overcome these issues, some of these ideas might help others you know deal with their issues of guilt or jealousy.
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