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Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
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For Man's Pleasure Oral Sex (Fellatio)
Note: In previous newsletters over the last year we have mostly discussed women's sexual fulfillment, such as in articles about the "G" spot, female ejaculation and lots of discussion of intimacy and sensuality that is mostly woman-centered. The reason for this is we believe women have been hurt the most by the immaturity of our tease and titillation society and the false repressive views of traditional (vs. Biblical) Christianity. This month we are going to discuss oral sex and specific ideas to help women learn good oral sex techniques for men's sexual pleasure. Apparently most men find oral sex very pleasurable but many wives and girlfriends are hesitant. Often prostitutes say their clients often request oral sex since the can't get it from the wife/girlfriend. Some women very much enjoy giving oral sex to a man, but many apparently are hesitant. I say ''apparently" since I (Dave), while having lots of sexual experience, happen to find oral sex rather boring and not very stimulating. So, men are different in their responses. I happen to very much enjoy having my organ caressed and stroked lovingly, but don't find oral sex that wonderful. However, based on my research, I apparently am very much in the minority and most men very much enjoy it.
Sources for the following discussion were "Sex Technique - Gay Male" and various unnamed authors on University of Washington Web page and mailing list. Just as women born lesbian often know the most about pleasing women, men born gay offer valuable insights into male pleasure sharing which couples can share.
HISTORY OF FELLATIO (fel-lay'-she-o)
The delights of fellatio were probably savored even in the dawn of civilization. Maybe the early Middle Easterners learned it in the most natural manner: by observing nature, that is, by watching domesticated and wild animals licking each other's genitals - Thus, from natural observation, investigation, and experimentation, emerge the arts of love. As the Old Testament so often reminds us, the Jews were surrounded by incorrigible sodomites, the Babylonians, Philistines, Chaldeas, Egyptians, etc., who, we can be sure, didn't ignore penis-sucking when it came time to having a good time. There are very old Egyptian pictures that seem to suggest fellatory activity.
In ancient Greece, fellatio was known as "playing the flute." Its praises were sung by Greek and Roman Poets, and so it must have been fairly widespread. Priapus comments, "Through the middle of boys and girls travels the member; when it meets beaded chins then it aspires to the heights." The Roman poet Martial counsels an aging friend, "Why do you plague in vain unhappy vulvas and posteriors; gain but the heights, for there any old member revives." And the poet Lucian mentions the fellatory rape of the Syrian Timarchus....
In India the art of fellatio has a long history, going back perhaps to the birth of Christ. One of the first love manuals, the Kama Sutra (ca. 100-300 A.D.) has a whole chapter on Oparishtaka, "mouth congress" saying that: "The male servants of some men carry on the mouth congress with their masters. It is also practiced by some citizens, who know each other well, among themselves."
In India it is also known as mukhamethuna ("oral churning") and ambarchusi ("mango-fruit sucking").
Fellatio has been highly praised from North Africa eastward, being "common and customary among all classes and races," often deemed even more intimate and enrapturing than genital union, perhaps because oral excitation yields the most acute and intense pleasure. The sensations produced by the caressing mouth of one's beloved seem more ardent and enravishing than those produced by the penis or vagina.
In Turkey, it's felt that fellatio allows greater variety and subtler nuances of pleasure than vaginal or anal activity, which are more or less restricted in their execution and effect. In a word, as the Turks say, "Penis sucking is better than fucking!"
Throughout the Arab world, the slang word for fellatio is "qerdz". In Tunisia, Egypt, Arabia, Persia, Afghanistan, and farther, to Malaya, from which there is this sex-party account: "The scene is the same all over the room. While the man lies at full length on a couch or sits reclined in a chair, the boy --kneeling or stooping-- holds and kisses his penis, sucks it, and receives the emission of semen in his mouth, right up to the very last drop."
In all, there are many places in the world where the finer joys were and are savored and cultivated. The "Arabian voluptuary," as Victorian England knew him, or the "damnable Toork" of an earlier era, could appreciate a darting tongue, wet, firm lips, and sucked-in cheeks clinging to a quivering stalk.
Basic Penis Education
LOOK at your partners penis, examine it and see how wonderfully created it is for your sexual pleasure.
The shaft, the head (technically the glans penis, with glans coming from the Latin which means "acorn"). Look at it closely. The outside of the glans penis is the corona. This joins the head to the shaft. This is the most sensitive part on the penis and where most of your attention should be in giving oral sex.
On the underside of the glans there is a point of juncture where the two ends of this irregular circle come together. If the male is not circumcised, this will be where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is the most sexually sensitive spot on his entire body, and is similar to the woman's clitoris. It may be possible to bring your partner to a climax simply by gently tapping the tip of your tongue directly on it.
Beneath the glans is the shaft of the penis. The shaft does not have many nerve endings and does not, therefore, provide a man with any high degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue to the exclusion of the glans penis itself. It always amazes me to note the number of women who believe that sucking up and down on the shaft will get the guy off. That's not it, folks! If it works it is because the back of your throat is playing tricks on his glans penis. Your throat is giving head to his head!
Beneath the shaft are the testicles. The testicles ("balls" in slang) are extremely sensitive to pain and are not usually considered subject to erotic stimulation to any particular degree. Not true! You can add a high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to the testicles. The opening in the tip of the glans penis is the meatus. Here is where the cum spurts.
The sad fact is that most people, men and women, do not have the slightest idea of how to suck a penis. Most seem to think that simply by making a cunt of their mouth, closing it around a man's penis, and bobbing their heads lustily up and down until he climaxes automatically makes them an expert. Au contraire!
Consummate skill is required to suck a man and provide him with the highest degree of pleasure possible. When a woman first starts her quest she usually has no one to turn to for advise and counsel. It was all hunt and suck. Hunt and suck. Find that one technique that could and would set him on fire! Also some men are more stimulated by oral sex than others. For most men it is very stimulating but for others its not.
In order for you to observe your man's reactions and get the most information possible about his responses, try the following:
While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his balls in one hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you suck along the underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest pleasure when your tongue is touching them. Unless he is made of stone, your partner will provide you with vivid clues as to which areas are most pleasurable.
As you discover these areas of enhanced pleasure, concentrate on them. For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring (or corona) of the head and the foreskin are attached. Or were attached prior to his circumcision. By continued licking and tapping along this area with your tongue you may bring forth a geyser. If you are not skilled and you want to please him in a hurry I suggest that you get him off in this manner in order to become familiar at first hand with the nature and delight of his climax.
As he is getting ready for climax you will note changes in his penis. These signs will be the same every time he climaxes so that you can prepare for his cum properly. The head of the penis may swell somewhat larger then it is during the normal course of his erection. He may thrust his hips forward as he wants to send his body hurtling out his penis with his cum. And for most men, immediately prior to the cum, there will appear at the tiny, lovely lips at the tip of the penis a clear drop or two of fluid. When you see this or feel the opening at the meateus through his condom you know that the moment of truth is at hand. Launch the torpedoes, full cum ahead!
Where should you be when you are sucking his penis? Between his legs, on top of him, in a sixty nine position? Where? Because of the structure of his penis, as well as the structure of your mouth, lips, tongue, and teeth, you can provide the highest degree of sensation to yourself and your partner by kneeling between his legs and approaching his penis from the bottom rather than from the side or the top.
Place his stiff penis inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The penis will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion. Watch your teeth on this one. A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head is directly over his penis. The circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow, purposeful manner.
With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in front of him lift his hard penis to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his penis. It is permissible to use your hands in this technique. It is better to do this technique several times in succession-like licking a lollipop or ice cream cone.
Right now lets discuss a technique that is probably the most common penissucking technique in the world. Take his penis in your mouth but not deeply. We will get to deep throating later on. It's great, not over-rated, but if you want to be an expert at deep throat, start with the right techniques and work your way down, so to speak.
Take his penis in your mouth by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly over the head until your lips close around the shaft at the point just behind the corona. Don't just open your mouth and close it around his penis. Slide it in. He will enjoy it much more. Encase the shaft of his penis with your hand. Remember the shaft is relatively insensitive to any kind of stimulation. By enclosing his penis with your hand you give him the sensation of having his penis encased.
Now you have several options. Try twisting your head from side to side making sure your moist lips stay in contact with the coronal ridge. While doing this gently move your hand up and down the shaft. When he climaxes he may want to push your head further down the shaft of his penis. He wants to envelop you with his penis. As you are learning his climax, you will miss the fine points if you deep throat at this time. Instead gently suck around the corona as he climaxes so that you can intensify his pleasure and increase the force of his orgasm. As you gain more experience you will be able to tell exactly when his climax is approaching.
There is one further refinement to this basic technique, which will heighten his orgasm. If you place your thumb at the very base of the penis in such a way as to block the tube through which the cum spurts, the semen cannot escape even though he is spasming and going through the reflex action of ejaculating semen.
If at the same time you suck vigorously on the head of his penis you can delay his cum for several long moments. When you finally allow the cum to spurt it will last much longer and be just as intense as a result. Even though you delay the cum for only a few short moments, you will be surprised by the intensity of his cum.
These techniques are the basis of penissucking. Do not go beyond them until you have become an expert, not only in the techniques themselves, but also in the reading and interpreting of your partner's responses to such a point that you know exactly how he is getting off on what you are doing. When you have reached this point, you are ready for the more subtle, more advanced techniques.
Don't be so slavish that you miss out on the fun of self discovery. Find out what works for you and for your partner and make your penissucking as individual as your signature. After all, you want your man to pick you out in the dark among a hundred slobbering penissuckers.
One of the first things you encountered when you first started to suck penis was a gag reflex. Most men seem to want to force their penis down your throat as far as they can get it. Particularly at the moment when they cum!
Consider for a moment that the average length of your oral cavity is three to three and a half inches while the average Caucasian penis length is five to five and a half inches. The laws of nature would seem to dictate that getting all that penis into your mouth is an impossibility.
It can be done. If you understand your anatomy you will begin to understand the requirements that allow you to take his hard penis into your mouth and down your throat. The biggest obstacle to taking all of his penis down your throat is the fact that there is a bend of almost ninety degrees behind your tongue leading down into your throat. So the first thing to do is get the penis past that angle.
Get past the angle of the dangle!
In order to practice this, get in a position where you can turn your head in such a way that your mouth and throat lie almost in a straight line. The best position to accomplish this is to lie on a bed so that your head is near the edge with your body sprawled across the bed so that your head is tipped sharply back. This position will put your mouth and throat nearly in a line and will allow your partner to approach you in such a way that insertion of his penis can be made so deeply that his pubic hair presses against your lips.
The natural tendency of the body is to gag when a foreign object such as a deeply thrusting penis is being forced down your throat. You can overcome this tendency by completely relaxing your throat at the moment the insertion is made. It is equally important that you maintain this relaxation during the entire deep throating.
Let him put his penis down your throat and hold it still while you find the most comfortable way to proceed. Because of your position you will not be able to move or to offer him any greater stimulation than simply keeping your mouth tightly closed around his throbbing penis. If you are able try, to stimulate his underbelly with your tongue.
You will only be able to relax and take his penis in this way if you completely trust your partner. Your partner is in full control. He must initiate and maintain all the motion. This is the only exercise in which you relinquish your control of the situation to your partner. He will relish this for the simple fact that for the first time he can insert his penis as deeply down your throat as he wants to. Now your partner begins an in and out movement that is just like fucking. He should start slowly, especially if this is a completely new experience for the two of you. After all, if he hurts you he cuts himself off from one of the great pleasures in life. His only other requirement during this exercise is to keep the motion in the same direction throughout this oral exercise, as there is simply no leeway for him to vary the motion from side to side.
One other word of caution. Don't let your partner get carried away at the moment he starts to cum. At that spectacular moment he will be able for the first time to thrust his penis all the way inside your oral cavity and that is the most important lesson of this exercise! His only other requirement during the exercise is to keep the motion in the same direction against your lips as he cums. Because of your position in bed you will not be faced with the problem of swallowing his cum. The reason is because he has gotten his penis BEYOND your gag reflex! Without a condemn his cum will shoot directly into your stomach! If both you and your partner understand what it is that you are trying to do, as well as the possible problems that may "cum" up along the way, no harm or discomfort will happen to either of you.
It is possible that not everyone will learn the "deep throat" technique, but this inability does not make you any less a penissucker. You must allow your throat to relax completely while your partner is thrusting his penis this deeply down your throat. To do this long enough for your partner to completely get it off is very difficult and may require lots of practice. It may be that you will be able to take your partner completely down your throat, but you will not be able to maintain proper relaxation of your throat until he shoots his load. Hopefully your partner will understand that this is not a rejection of him or of what he is offering you, and it is my sincere desire that you not stop here and think that you will never master the "deep throat" technique.
Cum is a curious thing. It's taste varies from person to person, mild to tangy. It's good stuff nutritionally, being mostly protein and minerals; it's the minerals that give the unique flavor. Take it or leave it, there's nothing wrong with it, and it can turn out to be quite a nice treat.
If you want to swallow it without hassle, take the climax deep in your mouth, and remember, "in each and every case, the faster it is swallowed, the less time the taste remains." Vomiting, noisy hawkings, or dashing to the bathroom can be very rude and demeaning to someone who's just climaxed, so if you don't want to swallow it, remove it quietly afterwards, into a handy towel or handkerchief. Or if you like, things can always be switched from fellatio to masturbation or something else beforehand, but don't do this too close to orgasm.
So far I've been talking about fellatio where one person lays back and gets sucked off. There's another kind too, where one person slides his penis in and out of his friend's mouth. The Romans really liked this kind of fellatio, and called it "irrumatio". It gives a different experience to the person being fellated, because he's the one moving. He's more tense and active, he's controlling his experience much more so than in the other style, and he's moving his penis in an action called thrusting, which in itself can be a different and enjoyable sensation.
If you and your partner want to try this, have him lie down on his back with a pillow under his head. Then you straddle him with your hands and knees so that your crotch is over his face, and your head is above his. Move around until you can easily fit your penis into his mouth. He should make his mouth wet and form a snug ring with his lips around your shaft, as he'd do for the sliding action described earlier. He should suck on your penis, and otherwise keep still.
Now you want to slide you penis in and out. This thrusting is learned, and the only way to learn is by doing. Without moving your knees or using your hands, move your penis with your hips. Ask him to be patient and just experiment. Ask yourself, how in the world can I get myself to move in and out, and try out your muscles? Imagine a point at the base of your penis, and you want to cause this point to push out and up through your penis, and them pull back again. Everyone free of paralysis can do thrusting, if they want to. Just take your time and explore. Follow your sensations - see what feels good and do it again. Having an experienced guide or helper can be very useful too.
That's basically all there is to it. You can add things like rocking your pelvis from side to side or circularly (called "grinding"). Or your partner can rock his head from side to side, or move it up and back to meet your strokes, or use his tongue if he likes. Also, there are lots of different positions, standing, kneeling, and so on. Many couples like to work out there own ways. I'm saying, here are possibilities; there you are- explore, take what you want, and enjoy!
Some people can get into this second kind of fellatio, others don't like it. A frequent complaint is that the mouth-partner felt abused, that he had no control and the other thrust too deeply or violently, causing gagging, fear, or other troubles. This needn't happen if the two people can talk freely, and respect their own and each other's wants and needs. You might be able to work something out with the following suggestions:
Awareness: if you're thrusting, you can be aware of your friend's comfort level, and with a little care, regulate the depth and strength of your thrusts.
Pausing: try pausing for a moment between thrusts.
The Stopper Technique: if your friend is thrusting in your mouth, you can have some control by wrapping one hand around his lower shaft, to use as a stopper, allowing only as much as you like. If your hand is at the base, this also adds a pleasurable pressure against this body. You (or your partner) can use the hand to masturbate the lower part of his penis as the top part slides in and out, moving the hand down to the base as the penis slides in.
Mutuality: in irrumatio, the mouth-partner is likely to get bored, and this contributes a lot to feeling abused. There are some positions that allow mutual fondling, where he can caress you, and in others the mouth partner can masturbate himself.
Can I make my seminal fluids taste better?
Macrobiotic nutritionists have actually done research on this question, and the answer is in: you are what you eat. Common sense dictates that if you taste good, your lover will want to eat you more often, so improving your body's taste and smell should be important to you.
In general, nutritionists say that alkaline-based foods such as meats and fish produce a bitter, fish taste. Dairy products, which contain a high bacterial putrefaction level create the foulest tasting fluids by far. (Dissent: almost everyone I know says that there is one worse than a high-dairy content - asparagus. You can't miss the taste of asparagus-laced semen.) Acidic fruits, such as sweets, fruits, and alcohol give bodily fluids a pleasant, sugary flavor. Chemically processed liquors will cause an extremely acidic taste, however, so if you're going to drink alcohol, drink high-quality, naturally fermented beers (Rolling Rock or Kirin) or sake.
What are the contents of semen?
The question of semen content arises especially among persons who regularly swallow semen, as in fellatio, and who are concerned about calorie intake and nutritional substances. The average ejaculate contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin b12, and zinc.
The caloric content of an average ejaculate is estimated to be approximately 15 calories.
There is only one true way to do fellatio, and that's with enthusiasm. You have to love what you're doing to him, either because you love him or you love sucking cock. Loving both is best! Faked orgasms have nothing on lackluster fellatio.
Letters in Response to Fellatio Article
"The 'basilar squeeze technique' was mentioned in the article, although not by that name. While it's true that strong pressure to the urethra at the base of the penis before orgasm can prevent the FLOW of ejaculate, once the proper brain response has been initiated, ejaculation cannot be prevented! My caution, then, is that your readers not think just by 'clamping down' that an orgasm can be prevented or substantially delayed. A healthy male very likely WILL ejaculate...either very forcefully through the urethra -- which can be a very different and pleasurable sensation; think of a pinched-off garden hose - or internally, into the bladder, in what is known as a 'retrograde ejaculation.' Ouch, sometimes. I'm not condemning the technique, as it certainly has its uses, which I'll go into below... I'm just urging fellaters not to overdo it.
There are actually two stages of male ejaculation: 'pre-ejaculation' and ejaculation proper. I personally can't really tell the difference when they occur (my mind tends to be a bit, uh, occupied at the time) unless I experience the first without the second.
Orgasms start in the mind, after all.... it's the cortex/midbrain/body link that actually produces those spectacular physical results. Most men can experience pre-ejaculation without proceeding right on to ejaculation, although it can take a lot of self-control to find out. The sensations of pre-ejaculation are almost identical to complete orgasm...except the 'floating', inward turn of the mind can actually last longer. It's here that the squeeze technique can be useful, if the fellater STOPS stimulation, and *gently* squeezes the base of the penis just moments before full orgasm.
It's worth noting, too, that men can have a sort of 'multiple orgasm' in this way: they can feel like they've come, without actually ejaculating fully...and then after a few seconds without stimulation, go on again for some time...repeat as much as you can. When complete orgasm with ejaculation finally occurs, if it occurs in a similar manner as the previous 'pre-orgasms', it can be a very slow, drawn-out, gently powerful orgasm, rather than the short sharp shocks of a wham-bang bout of lovemaking."
Another Reply from a women:
er. um. just wanted to make a comment on your fellatio article on the website. It was good, but there was one thing I thought might be... difficult? Or should I say misleading, for women especially (maybe some men too, don't know). You mention serveral times quite forcefully :-) that the shaft of the penis does not react much to stimulus and shouldn't be overplayed, so to speak. But I have known at least two men who find it extremely sensitive, one to the point that he will only come if this part is squeezed or rubbed. (shrug)
reply from a man about breathing:
In your article on Fellatio, when you are discussing "deep throating" techniques... I would like to suggest that you add something in there about proper breathing. When you relax your throat and your partner is thrusting, you can not draw a breath while the penis is in your throat. Being able to relax your throat is one half of it, but taking breaths as your partner pulls back, or as you pull back is the other half. This requires some practice. The first reaction is to panic - that you might not have enough air or be able to breath normally, but I have found that most of the trust issue comes from knowing that your partner will pull back at certain, predictable intervals - this gives you time to take a breath or breath out. In my own case, I breath in on one pull, breath out on the second, breath in on the next, etc.
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