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Promoting Intimacy and Other-Centered Sexuality
COPYRIGHTED 1997 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - MAY BE REPRINTED OR QUOTED FROM ONLY IF CREDIT IS GIVEN LIBERATED CHRISTIANS, MAILING ADDRESS IS SHOWN AND WE ARE SENT A COPY OF PUBLICATION.
FOREPLAY IS NOT "Ready Brace"
The importance of foreplay has been discussed at length in books about sexuality. While it is true that foreplay is the most important physical preparation for intercourse, another important area that is often neglected in sex education is the mental and emotional preparation for good sex.
Some men think of foreplay as "ready, brace". Or almost as soon as a man touches a woman, his hand is down on the vagina doing what he thinks is foreplay. That is, he starts grinding away at the vagina too soon.
Most women need time to lubricate gradually and have foreplay at a gradual pace. Being too fast can be very painful and a turn-off for the woman. Too many women feel that their femininity is measured by an instantly swollen, wet and juicy vagina.
A man may have the same concern about his erection. Most men by age 40 experience impotency at various times. He is very discouraged as a man when the woman reaches down and finds his soft, mushy mass instead of the constantly erect strong hard-on his masculinity demands.
An Orgasm Is Like A Sneeze!
An orgasm is like a sneeze; other people can't do it for you. But you can help each other achieve one. For a woman, she has to get to a place where her orgasm is likely to happen and her partner can help her. Most women know how to do it for themselves more reliably and efficiently than with men. The goal is to have men want to help women, not just thrust and get themselves off. For a great many women, a penis is the least effective way to provide the stimulation needed to push a woman's erotic reflexes over the edge into the screaming climaxes they crave. For this task men need more sophisticated tools - tongues and hands.
Orgasm in the female requires intense concentration and relaxation at the same time. Too many men see foreplay as just something they have to do to get a woman to agree to have sex. Foreplay is the key to female orgasm in the same way the pregame warm-up is essential to pitching a good baseball game. Foreplay is the psychosexual pump that engorges her genitals, the lift that gets her high enough to jump off the cosmic cliff into the swirling maelstrom of her orgasm.
Her sexual elevator has two primary buttons, the clitoris and the G-spot. Triggering either one of them (after a suitable warm-up) can trigger an orgasm. But the sexual response of women varies greatly, unlike the man who basically can stroke, thrust and cum usually without much difficulty. While a man can often more easily orgasm, a woman's longer wait can be far more long lasting and pleasurable. She can also enjoy different types of orgasms. A clitorally induced climax is typically experienced in the pelvic floor, while a G-spot induced climax is felt higher up, in the uterus and its affiliated structures. Both at once....is often the best.
The Waterfall Stroke:
Don't make "working on the woman" as exciting to her as a trip to the gynecologist. One movement I recommend is to have her lie back and spread her legs. You sit between her legs with her legs over you. Use both hands in a waterfall motion that starts high on her torso and moves toward her genitals like water flowing downhill. Your hand over hand motion should be something like smoothing the fur on a cat, gentle, continuous, each hand replacing the other. Eventually your hands flow over her mound, touching but not seeking her clitoris, but not trying to avoid it either.
When properly sensitized (which may take considerable time if not use to being stimulated), the G-spot starts out soft and swells up and hardens. As it swells, the sensation becomes very exciting. Search for the spot slowly and let her direct your search.
The first few seconds of stimulation can produce a strong feeling that she is about to urinate. Researchers theorize that many women feeling this sensation hold back their sexual response to keep from wetting on their partners, which may explain why up to 25 percent of American women never have orgasm.
The Labia - Each as Unique As A Snowflake
While all women have the same basic labia structure, like snowflakes no two are exactly the same. They are as distinctive as a persons face, if we spent more time to admire their beauty instead of just "going in" with either hands or penis. The size of the inner lips, outer lips and are they smooth or rough? Outer lips may be prominent or very small; one side may hang down more than the other or be partially hidden. Most labias look like beautiful flowers and come in different colors (range of pinks) and textures. Some labia's have been described as ranging from the delicate petals of an orchid to like the tail of a tropical fish.
The clit may be deeply hidden or large and easy to see and stimulate. Deeper clits tend to require harder stimulation; larger more exposed clits may be more sensitive and painful if attacked too hard.
With stimulation the physical reactions can be beautiful to witness. Blood engorges the tissues and the lips swell and become redder or darker. The purpose of the inner lips is wonderfully designed to cling to the penis as it moves in and out, and the lips may tug on the clitoris indirectly (as observed by Masters and Johnson),
Lips tend to grow longer, like earlobes from wearing earrings, with masturbation or frequent sex.
What Size Do Women Want?? Not What You May Think
Too many men agonize over their size of their penis. As any competent lover knows, light or hard rhythmic motions on the clitoris or hard pressure on G-spot - whether its done by fingers, tongue, vibrator or Sybian machine - is much more pleasurable for most women than pounding away on her vagina with Mr. Well - Endowed penis.
As one doctor wrote: "In my 20 years of practice, I have never had a female come to me and ask me to make her man's penis larger or fatter or wider, but I have often been asked to make it firmer and make it attached to a nicer, more pleasant fellow."
It seems the issue is more important to men, comparing themselves to other men, than to the women who really count. But in the vagina - where it counts for women - large can be a big disadvantage. Hitting the back wall of the vagina can cause sharp pain. Many women with small vaginas much prefer shallow strokes. The most sensitive part of the penis and vagina is at the tip and entrance. I often find that shallow and just barely in and out is very pleasurable both to me and my partners. In oral sex, a large penis may simply result in the women having sore jaws.
The average vagina is a snug fit for an average penis (about 5.5 inches). Some women do seek large men but often its the result of conditioned fantasy, not the physical reality of pleasure-sharing. There are some women whose vaginas have been stretched by much use (lots of children coming out or many large penises going in). But for most women, the only sex organ they really care about is the one between your ears, not between your legs. They will take a sincere, knowledgeable, tender lover over Mr. Stud.
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